


(Cause I'm not) Sober

by ForestFish, SatsukiLevin (satsuki19)



Series: Maybe, Definitely [3]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Character Study, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Internalized Homophobia, Jaebum is too straight to admit his feelings, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sexuality Crisis, Unrequited Crush, gaydenial
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2019-06-21 02:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 42,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15547413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForestFish/pseuds/ForestFish, https://archiveofourown.org/users/satsuki19/pseuds/SatsukiLevin
Summary: "Jirongie, I love you. I've liked you for a very long time.""...""But this isn't..." a hesitant pause, Jaebum cleared his throat and looked away, "You don't have to return my feelings. You deserve someone better than me."Jinyoung stared back at his hyung in complete ridicule.".... what."---The side-story to Yes No Maybe where Jaebum is too straight to admit that he has some serious feelings for Jinyoung and doesn't really handle his crossing to the World of Gay Wonders very well.For once, Jinyoung is really done with being patient and understanding.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ForestFish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForestFish/gifts).



> What is it with me and using Suzy's songs as titles.
> 
> I will be writing this story along side the Markson one.  
> Both Sober and Yes No Maybe happen at the same time in the same universe, but it is possible to read this on its own.

“Nyoung-ah?”

  


“Hmm?”

  


“How long are you gonna stay here?”

  


“For as long as you’re staying.”

  


Jaebum closed his eyes and heaved out a sigh, to tired to even clench his jaw. Tearing his eyes away from the computer screen, he turned around to find Jinyoung (still) sitting on the studio sofa, face illuminated by the light off of his phone. He looked bored and tired, which he probably was, and Jaebum felt guilt creeping up.

  


“Okay, I’ll just shut this down and then we can go.”

  


“Mmm.”

  


Behind Jinyoung’s stoic facade, however, he was internally smiling in joy. Today’s a new record; Jaebum broke and gave in after 3 hours and 17 minutes. Yes he counted. The first time Jinyoung did this, Jaebum forgot he was even there and pulled an all-nighter. In hindsight, it made for quite the funny memory.

  


Grinning discreetly to himself, Jinyoung locked his phone and stretched, lying down on the sofa as he watched his hyung turn everything off and pack up his stuff.

  


Lately, Jinyoung has made it a habit to wait for Jaebum in his studio. He had grown tired of having to force the older home, more often failing than succeeding, and has finally just decided to plop himself on the studio sofa and wait silently. He didn’t do this often, of course; he’d only go if Jaebum had failed to come home after a few consecutive all-nighters.

  


It was very tiring the first few times, but Jinyoung is a patient man and he figured that this method is actually better. By staying, he can oversee Jaebum’s health as well. He can go out to buy him food, remind him of bathroom breaks, and even remind him to take naps.

  


(Because typical Jaebum : agreeing to nap on the sofa if Jinyoung promises to wake him up after an hour or two but refusing to take a break for fifteen minutes.)

  


Jinyoung was in the middle of a yawn when Jaebum had approached him with an outstretched hand; a silent invitation to go home. The younger took it and hauled himself up, the two young men walking down the corridors of the JYP buildings side by side.

  


It was dark outside.

  


Jaebum had been on his fourth consecutive day when Jinyoung had decided to pick him up; it was midnight when the younger came into the studio and that was a good three hours or so ago.

  


The two of them wordlessly climbed into Jinyoung’s car and spent the road home in comfortable silence, as well. Reaching home, the two of them parted ways with just a simple smile, and Jinyoung entered his room only to immediately flop on the bed. His body felt weary and all he wanted to do was sleep until next year.

  


The feel of a cool arm wrapping itself around his waist jolted Jinyoung out of his slumber, though, and quickly turned around, ready to confront Yugyeom and ask him why the hell he didn’t go and hog Mark’s bed instead when suddenly he came face to face with Jaebum’s haggard face smiling tiredly at him.

  


Jinyoung blinked.

  


“Hyu- hyung?” Jinyoung croaked out sleepily confused. A cool hand swiped hair out of his eyes and Jaebum’s cool body laid down beside him, hair still a bit damp with the clean smell of soap and shampoo wafting off of the older. Did Jaebum come here right after his shower?

  


“Hush, go back to sleep,” Jaebum cooed, pulling Jinyoung close, “My room’s heater broke. Too cold to sleep there.”

  


The excuse made sense for Jinyoung’s sleep-addled brain, and he nodded, letting Jaebum pull him back into his arms and just settling back to sleep. Jaebum’s always been a closet cuddler since their JJProject days, so the face nuzzling into the crook of his neck didn’t really phase Jinyoung all that much. Sleep is way too alluring, anyway.

  


The absurdity of the situation didn’t really register to him until he has already half-slipped into a peaceful sleep, jolting awake and going rigid as he realized their current position.

  


Jaebum’s head was tucked snugly beneath Jinyoung’s chin, nosing his Adam’s apple. He could feel his hyung’s arm beneath his waist – yes, he’s lying on the other’s arm – and another arm over his waist that went up… his… shirt?

  


_Wait what._

  


There’s no mistaking that warm hand on his back – _that has somehow slipped beneath his shirt –_ nestled comfortably on the base of his spine, and another warm hand on …

  


Oh my _God_ is that his hand _on my ass_ –

  


Jinyoung’s heart’s beating against his ribcage.

  


Oh fuck, okay. It’s ass o’clock in the morning, Jinyoung’s trapped in Jaebum’s embrace, being used as a human bolster, with said person’s hand beneath his shirt and on the curve of his ass. Okay. Everything about this is a bit weird. Okay. Jaebum has always been a handsy cuddler even in the past, but …

  


Jinyoung racked his brain for memories of their cuddly JJProject days, but found none that could compare (or was even in the same level) of this current situation.

  


Now, if it were any other person – say, Mark or Jackson, for example – Jinyoung would either just hold the other closer (and maybe even return the snuggles) or literally kick them off of his bed (because if either of the two touches his ass like this he’d definitely beat them up).

  


But this is _Jaebum._ His hyung, his leader, his oldest and bestest friend, his platonic soulmate. He can’t just shove him off (why the fuck not, his logic would reprimand him, but he’s refusing to validate it with an excuse) but _this_ type of snuggling also didn’t feel quite right (despite it actually being very comfortable).

  


Just as Jinyoung thought his internal panicking couldn’t get any worse, the hold on his body tightened.

  


Stiffening, Jinyoung stayed still as Jaebum groaned, his warm breath fanning over Jinyoung’s collarbones. The older stirred – _probably due to how hard my heart’s beating_ , Jinyoung thought – and he soon found Jaebum’s sleepy eyes staring up at him.

  


“Rongie? What time is it?” he croaked out ( _holy_ fuck _is his morning voice hot – wait wtf brain?!_ ) and Jinyoung looked over Jaebum’s mop of dark hair to the digital clock sitting on his table.

  


“Fifteen to six.”

  


“Early. Why are you up?”

  


“Why are _you_ up?”

  


“You kept shifting around.”

  


“That’s because your hand is under my shirt and on my ass.”

  


A beat of silence. Jaebum squinted his eyes in thought.

  


“… what?”

  


Jinyoung sighed. “Hyung. Where are your hands?” he tried again, calmly, hoping that Jaebum’s sober enough to connect all the dots on his own.

  


“Uh, attached to my arms?”

  


Apparently not.

  


“…”

  


“...”

  


The hands on his body moved; Jinyoung felt a warm palm rub briefly over his skin and light squeeze on his ass. He watched as Jaebum’s eyes widened in realization, hesitation and apprehension seeping into the air. Maybe he’s too scared to move? Or maybe his hands are too cold or something? It’s way too early in the morning for this and Jinyoung hasn’t had enough sleep to deal with all of this shit.

  


He pulled Jaebum back into his chest and shifted a bit to get comfortable.

  


“Keep your hands where they are. Is fine.”

  


“… Rongie...”

  


“Hyung, I’m tired.”

  


“Ah, okay. Sorry. Night, Jirongie.”

  


“Hmm.”

  



	2. Chapter 2

The next time Jinyoung opened his eyes, he’s met by empty cold sheets, completely Jaebum-less. He didn’t really think much of it and chalked it up to one of Jaebum’s tsundere clingy moods. The next time it happened – somewhere about a few weeks later – Jinyoung also dismissed it as normal behaviour.

 

The same applied to the third time.

 

And the fourth.

 

And the sixth.

 

And the seventh.

 

And –

 

Yes, okay, Jinyoung has been keeping track. Why? Because by the fourth time their late snuggle-session happened, Jaebum has started to avoid being alone with him.

 

How can he be sure of this, you ask?

 

Well, for one, it had gotten very easy for Jinyoung to get Jaebum home from the studio. What usually required several phone calls and a stakeout in Jaebum’s studio sofa on Jinyoung’s part (that could take at least 3 hours) can now be resolved with a simple text or phone call from Jinyoung requesting the other to come home – and a casual threat of “I’ll pick you up if I have to”.

 

Second, Jaebum has gotten very antsy about skinship. Sure, that was nothing new, usually opting to laugh loudly to convey his nerves, push the perpetrator away, yell in embarrassment, etc etc. And yes, he still did that with the others. With Jinyoung however, those reactions swiftly turned into nervous, hesitant chuckles, rigid body language and reluctant acceptance.

 

At first, Jinyoung sincerely thought that Jaebum wanted nothing to do with him in _that_ way, which made perfect sense. But when Jaebum’s odd, occasional sleepovers trips to his room kept on continuing, he started to suspect something else going on.

 

To support his suspicions, Jinyoung started to cling, treating Jaebum like he would Mark or Jackson, whining and initiating shameless skinship, randomly sitting on Jaebum’s lap, all his usual shenanigans. Jaebum reacted exactly like how a person having a crush would; flustered, reluctant, giddy, embarrassed, hesitant, all at the same time.

 

And that was when Jinyoung decided to consult the matter over to Jackson.

 

Now, mind you, at this point, Jinyoung never really bothered to assess his own feelings on this matter. To him, all of this is about Jaebum, and Jaebum only.

 

When his late-night rants with Jackson (through the phone, or Line, or Skype) turned into some serious self-introspective talks, Jinyoung decided to make it into a game and assume that he indeed has feelings for the Got7 leader. His sexuality was something he has never considered or defined, liking who he liked and loving whomever he loved. (Sure, most of them were women, but that’s something for another time.)

 

Right now, he is seated in front of the TV, head comfortably perched on Jaebum’s shoulder as they both sat through a Marvel movie marathon. It was really comfortable like this, their bodies slotting together perfectly, Jaebum at ease with their skinship for once.

  


The moment the door bell rang, dread crept up as he didn’t want them to move from their comfortable position. Luckily Mark decided to run out of his room at that exact moment, claiming that it was for him. Jaebum has stiffened considerably the whole time Mark was answering the door, only visibly relaxing once the eldest’s room door clicked shut again, signaling that it was again just the two of them in the area.

  


It didn’t last long though, because Jaebum excused himself to the bathroom a few minutes afterwards, and didn’t resume their earlier near-cuddling position. He instead sat at the other end of the sofa, keeping their distance, and went to bed as soon as the movie ended. The next day was also spent awkwardly; Jinyoung had woken up to the sound of Jaebum half-laughing, half-shouting, mixed with Mark's familiar high-pitched laugh and Jackson's hyena laugh.

  


Jinyoung dashed out of his room.

  


"Sseunie?"

  


Lo and behold, there Jackson really was, standing in the middle of their living room, phone in hand, looking torn between wanting to cry but also wanting to laugh. Mark stood beside him, grinning, looking a bit troubled himself, and Jinyoung didn't know where to start asking because Jackson wasn't supposed to be here until next week. But all three of them also looked collectively troubled but amused at the same time, and Jinyoung badly wanted to ask why the three hyungs were gathered here so early in the day or what Jackson is even doing in Korea --

  


Jackson pulled him into a tight hug and Jinyoung needed a few seconds to gather his thoughts.

  


"Sseunie, what are you doing here?" he finally blurted out, and received Jackson's bright laughter as a makeshift answer.

  


"Well..." Jackson looked sheepish, and Jinyoung blinked.

  


"I got high last night," Mark answered instead, and Jinyoung turned so fast he probably gave himself whiplash, eyes widening.

  


" _You_? How?"

  


"Consuming the cannabis leaf. Duh. Look, I may have never gotten high in my life, but that's because I choose to, not because I'm a pure child," Mark retorted, pouting a bit and Jackson snorted.

  


"Yeah, and you clearly couldn't differentiate between the smell of fresh chocolate and weed, but sure."

  


A faux-pout formed on Mark's face at that, and Jinyoung laughed, wriggling out of Jackson's hold and hugging Mark instead, nuzzling the older's shoulder. When the laughter finally died down, Jackson calmly explained that he rushed over last night because he worried Mark might hurt himself while in his high state. Jinyoung raised an eyebrow at that, knowing full well that being high is completely different from being drunk and because _holy shit_ Jackson literally _flew_ all the way from China.

  


“You flew from China. For Mark?”

  


“…. hehe.”

  


“… you never did that for me! First it’s meat with Bambam now this? Sseunie, do you even love me?”

  


The three older men snorted and Mark gave him an assuring pat on his bedhead, “Of course he does, Nyoungie. I love you too, you know.”

  


“Okay, guys, gross,” came Jaebum’s voice from behind Jinyoung, a slight chuckle in his tone, and Jinyoung turned in Mark’s arms to face their leader.

  


“Oh come on, I miss Jinyoung too,” Jackson whined, but Jaebum flicked the younger’s forehead.

  


“You have a flight to catch. I do not want Xinhua noona yelling at me again.”

  


At the mention of his manager’s name, Jackson straightened up and immediately walked out the door, followed by Mark and Jaebum, who Jinyoung assumed will be driving him to the airport. What he did not expect, however, is Jaebum walking back inside the house to grab his phone that he apparently left on the counter.

  


“You’ll be okay on your own?” he suddenly asked.

  


“Uh, sure.”

  


“Wanna get food later after I get back? I’m dropping Mark off at Minhyuk’s later.”

  


“Uh, okay.”

  


“Good.”

  


Jaebum walked over to him and ruffled his hair. That in itself was a bit weird, but the younger couldn’t have ever prepared himself enough for the sudden kiss to the forehead he received from Jabeum. Jinyoung stepped back on reflex, completely taken aback, but Jaebum merely smiled.

  


“Get ready, yeah? I’ll be back I about three hours.”

  


And Jaebum left, leaving Jinyoung to wonder what _the hell_ that was about.

 

Now if that wasn’t signs of _something_ , Jinyoung doesn’t know what else is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone confused what the whole Mark being high thing is all about?  
> Go read the 1st installment of this series! Hahaha  
> It's called Can o' Cookies <3


	3. Chapter 3

Jaebum needed more sleep. His head’s throbbing, his nose felt kinda stuffy, his throat is scratchy, and ugh he just _knows_ he’s well on his way to catching the flu. He had already downed some meds; pain killers, antibiotics, vitamins, the usual set – but his recovery somehow felt less quicker than the last time he fell sick.

  


Maybe he really overdid himself this time.

  


Jaebum rolled on to his side, burying his face in his pillows and pulling the blanket tighter around himself. He was half-way drifting off to sleep when he felt cool skin against his burning cheek. He recognized Jinyoung’s cologne and leaned into the touch with a whimper. Fingers ran itself through his messy, sweat-damp hair, and Jaebum instantly felt gross.

  


“You owe me dinner,” Jinyoung muttered, and Jaebum soon felt a cold, damp washcloth being pressed on to his forehead.

  


-o-

  


Jinyoung felt his hyung stir in his arms, but he was too tired to care. He had stayed up until six in the morning, taking care of a feverish Jaebum and a clingy Yugyeom. He also had his mind occupied with Mark hyung, who was once again gone to hole himself up in JYP building’s computer room, not having bothered to come home and rest after their practice.

  


Jinyoung knew how nervous the older was about Jackson, so he didn’t pry. The two of them had something going on, and he didn’t want to interfere. He already had his hands full with these two anyway.

  


“Rongie?” Jaebum croaked out, shifting in Jinyoung’s arms, and the younger hummed an acknowledgement without bothering to open his eyes. He really is tired.

  


“Rongie, what are you doing here...”

  


“Hyung, I’m tired,” Jinyoung mumbled into the nape Jaebum’s neck, tightening his hold around the older’s waist. “Please just go back to sleep.”

  


Too weak and comfortable to protest, Jaebum did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As some, or most of you have noticed, this fic doesn't really make much sense at the start if you haven't read my other fic Yes No Maybe...   
> I tried making this a stand alone fic but I guess I failed.

The show must go on.

  


Or so that’s how the saying goes.

  


Having dealt with the flu, Jinyoung’s nagging, trying to appear healthy in front of the members and also the staff, Jaebum finally managed to make it out alive. He felt accomplished, pleased with himself, having walked out of the dance studio with all of his limbs attached.

  


The comeback’s choreo is fast and detailed and difficult and Jaebum mentally gave himself a pat on the back. Today is a good day.

  


Sniffling, Jaebum cleared his throat and pressed the replay button. He had been staring and working on this one since they all got back from the studio; he simply can’t sleep if he leaves work unfinished. He's having a deadline coming up and he needs to finish his work no matter what.

  


But he can already hear Jinyoung scolding him about lack of sleep and overworking.

  


Giving up, Jaebum paused the track and saved his progress, moving the cursor to open his playlist instead. He needs a bit of a new perspective. Pressing shuffle, Jaebum laid back and enjoyed the beat, eyes trailing off and resting on the long lanky body draped all over his bed.

  


Jaebum smiled to himself.

  


Yugyeom had knocked on his bedroom door earlier, sheepishly asking for some company seeing as he can never really sleep alone at night.

  


It was through the maknae that Jaebum realized Jinyoung had gone off somewhere without telling him; the maknae would never go to Jaebum for cuddles except as a last resort. He knew how busy Jaebum is, how much the older need concentration, and he had adamantly stated that he wouldn’t disturb Jaebum work. He’d be fine with watching the elder work until he fell asleep; he just needed to know that someone is there.

  


Jaebum had internally squealed at the cuteness of it all – not that he’d ever admit it, or show it – and promptly let Yugyeom in.

  


He couldn’t help but worry, though.

 

Jaebum isn’t dumb; he knows something has been going on. He had noticed Mark cornering Jackson earlier, after practice ended; he also noticed the two being incredibly awkward and avoidant with each other for the last two to three weeks or so. It was getting very obvious and Jaebum actually suspected something going on.

 

But the question is, __what__. Could it be a lover's quarrel? Not impossible, seeing as Markson behave like a literal couple. They've been spending way too much time together for it to be something platonic, anyway.

 

Jaebum had wanted to speak out on it, maybe reach out to them individually and ask, but it kind of seemed that Jinyoung’s already on top of it. It shouldn’t really surprise him, since the three of them are best friends anyway.

 

But speaking of Jinyoung, it’s pretty weird for him to go out without telling anyone – _Jaebum_ specifically – because they’re supposed to have this unspoken pact about always telling the other what’s going on. But then again, maybe it really is nothing. Maybe Jaebum is just overthinking. He knows he tends to do that sometimes…

  


__bzzt bzzt bzzt bzzt bzzt bzzt bzzt bzzt bzzt_ _

  


“…?”

  


Jaebum felt his elbow vibrate; his whole desk is vibrating, actually, and he quickly reached for his phone as he realized the source of said vibration. Mark’s name flashed across the screen and a sudden sense of dread filled his stomach. Mark only calls when it's important... But he's been at Jackson's since they got back, what could be so important that he had to call him at all? Shouldn't they all be asleep?

  


He swiped and accepted the call.

  


“Hyung?”

  


“Bummie, sorry, were you asleep? I need, uh, you to pick me up. Didn’t wanna wake Gyeomie.”

  


Mark’s voice sounded weird; his speech sounded a bit slurred, but, also not? He sounded like he has a stuffed nose more than a drunk kinda slur. Jaebum's worry grew.

  


“Uh, sure. Where are you? Are you okay? Where’s Jackson?”

  


“I’m at Jackson’s. He’s here. You can, uh, use my car. The keys are in the bowl like usual.”

 

... damn. It really  _ _is__  a lover's quarrel, isn't it?

  


“Okay. Give me fifteen minutes.”

  


“Thanks.”

  


-o-

  


Jinyoung opened the door to the dorms and walked in, nose red and face frozen, feeling like a walking popsicle. The warmth of the house was pleasing, and he reveled in the warmth for a second.

  


He had just gotten back from a walk around the block to clear his head; the cool autumn night air doing wonders to his thought process. Aside from worrying about their comeback, preparing choreos (alternative versions of said choreo videos) and also thinking about his modeling and acting career, Jinyoung’s head is currently preoccupied with two things; Markson and Jaebum.

  


The Markson problem is pretty obvious and to the point; the two are in love, are both aware of it, but are refusing to label it and it’s causing a discomfort in the group. Jinyoung is currently sharing broken-heart stories with Jackson, being each other’s shoulders to lean on; while Jinyoung and Mark are quietly cuddling away their problems together, literally allowing the other to lean on their shoulder.

  


Meanwhile, the Jaebum problem…

  


To put it simply, Jinyoung still hasn’t gotten over the fact that Jaebum had kissed him.

  


Sure, the older man was on a fever high, cuddly side taking over as he nuzzled his hot and sweaty face into the crook of Jinyoung’s neck. And, sure, Jaebum was pretty out of it when he told the younger how grateful he was for having him and how beautiful Jinyoung looked even at six am in the morning without having slept a single wink…

  


But a kiss was a still a kiss, even though it was a mere touch of the lips, and Jinyoung just couldn’t be in the same room with the GOT7 leader without staring at the older’s lips. It was getting ridiculous and Jinyoung seriously started thinking back to Jackson’s question : “How do you feel about Jaebum hyung, then?”

  


Jinyoung sighed, taking off his scarf and unbuttoning his coat, willing himself to stop thinking about it. He had done a fair share of thinking during the walk. Now he’s home and he needed to get himself together. He had to be focused and responsible, because who else is going to help Jaebum with the kids if not for him?

  


Straightening up, Jinyong stopped unbuttoning his coat and took in his surroundings. I

  


Wait.

  


What was Jaebum hyung doing?

  


The older looked troubled, deep in thought to the point he hadn’t realized Jinyoung’s entry, gaze locked in the direction of Jinyoung and Yugyeom’s rooms. The man’s currently sitting (leaning?) his ass on the back of the couch, arms folded across his chest and brows furrowed deeply.

  


What’s going on?

  


“Hyung?”

  


Jaebum visibly jumped at the younger Korean’s deep voice.

  


“Ah, Jinyoung.”

  


“Something wrong?”

  


“Well,” Jaebum sighed, and he lifted a hand, silently telling Jinyoung to not make a sound. Albeit confused, Jinyoung obliged, and soon enough, soft heart breaking wails could be heard echoing through the house.

  


_What._

  


Eyes wide in panic, Jinyoung took a step forward.

  


“Who is that?!” he whispered hotly, to which Jaebum shook his head.

  


“Mark hyung. He called me earlier, asked me to pick him up from Jackson’s place. Started crying the second he sat on the couch.” Jaebum rubbed his face with the palm of his hands in obvious exhaustion.

  


Walking over, Jinyoung placed a calming hand on his shoulder and offered a smile.

  


“Relax. I’ll be right back.”

  


Jinyoung took off his coat and draped it over the couch before making the short trek to the kitchen and fetch his hyung a glass of water. As he walked back and handed it over, he couldn’t help but smile a bit at Jaebum’s short “thanks” and the small troubled sips he took from the glass.

  


The younger reached for his coat again., tugging it on as he turned back to the door. “Well, I’ll go check on Jackson, then. If hyungie’s crying then Sseunie’s most likely not very far off – ”

  


“Where’ve you been?”

  


The question that left Jaebum’s lips was sudden, and had really nothing to do with the situation at hand. It felt out of place – which, well, in fact, it _is_ – and Jinyoung halted in his steps.

  


What?”

  


“You didn’t tell me where you went.”

  


“Should I have?” Jinyoung asked back, “We were all given free reign after practice.”

  


“Still. What would happen if nobody could reach you and they held me accountable for it?”

  


The finality in which the older said it made something tighten in Jinyoung’s chest. Despite the question being a but unrelated, Jaebum’s argument made sense. The younger stepped back in reflex, feeling the guilt creep in.

  


“I’m sorry. You seemed exhausted so I thought you were asleep,” Jinyoung answered, brows furrowed, “I told Gyeomie, though. It’s not like I ran off.”

  


“You could have asked. I would’ve appreciated it if you’d have told me in person.”

  


If there was a hint of disappointment in Jaebum’s cold tone, Jinyoung chose not to acknowledge it, opting instead to just nod and apologize.

  


“Right. I’m sorry. It was just a walk. It won’t happen again.”

  


The apology hung in the air, unacknowledged. Jaebum still stood there, gaze locked on to Jinyoung, seemingly deep in thought about something. It was intriguing, and Jinyoung felt curious. Jaebum then opened his mouth, taking a breath, seemingly about to say something, to only then backtrack and lean his ass back against the back of the couch.

  


“Careful on the drive to Jackson’s,” Jaebum said instead.

  


Jinyoung could only nod.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markson get together and Jaebum manages to get his head out of his ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to enlist help from the Jaebum to my Jinyoung because I am shit at writing Defsoul's character lmao
> 
> The chapters will get better from now on, I promise!  
> Everything is pre-written and will be uploaded every Thursday <3
> 
> No I have not abandoned Yes No Maybe  
> I just dont know how to end it yet

Jaebum was about to say something at the moment Mark and Jackson finally came out to the team as an “Official Couple”.

  


He said nothing instead.

  


His mouth closed and he remained quiet. Jinyoung already knew about it and it kind of didn’t surprise him, seeing how close he was with the now official couple – there was some messy stuff in there about labels he didn’t really know what to make of; it might kind of associate with his own troubles coming to terms with his sexuality, but it’s probably a completely different thing.

 

Anyways, basically, Jinyoung knew about their bandmates dating, as Jaebum did himself. The difference here was the following:

  


Jinyoung _actually_ knew because they had probably told him; whereas Jaebum knew because he had noticed the slight changes in their behaviour and pretty much had figured out that they could only be having some sort of secret love affair.

  


All the hot and cold moments throughout the last couple months – maybe years, he wasn’t a medium, he no damn clue for how long they’d been going with their “Thing” – didn’t really leave much to one’s imagination if they had a working brain.

  


Or a couple of working braincells.

  


_Anyway_.

  


He was about to say something but he didn’t and the thing he didn’t say wasn’t really a statement but a question.

  


He was about to ask Jinyoung why he hadn’t told him that he knew. After the little cuddle pile was done with their enthusiastic displays of affection and support for Mark and Jackson officially becoming “Markson, the boyfriends”, Jaebum had cleared his throat and taken a step forward with a small smile on his lips.

  


“I’m happy for you guys,” he started and he suddenly had not only the two boys looking at him but his whole group’s eyes were on him – ah, Eyes on You.

  


“I’m glad you trust us enough to, uh, share this with us,” he continued, “I don’t know what kind of issues you had with labels but I’m…” he heaved a small sigh and his smile grew fonder and he saw Jackson and Mark smiling coyly at him, “I’m really glad you sorted it out and, yeah. I just want you to know, and I think I speak for all of us when I say this, that we’ll always be here for you and we’ll, we’ll protect your love from the public eyes to the best of our abilities.”

  


His cheeks turned a tad pink as he said that because really, he was sure he was the worst wingman in the world, but the younger boys nodded and grinned, patting their older brothers’ backs.

  


“Oh, we love our supportive Dad,” the maknae sniffled, wiping a fake tear and made the others chuckle, including Jaebum who snorted a little and shook his head.

  


“Of course we will!” Yugyeom then continued, chirping happily, “I’ll cling to the hyungs like, like…” he looked at BamBam for help, “Quick, say something that’s sticky and hard to get off.”

  


“Blood?” BamBam said with a snort and Yugyeom gave him a look of mild concern as Youngjae got up from the couch and stretched.

  


“We’ll stick to you like ticks, that’s what we’ll do!” He said with a grin and that was taking a very gross turn from blood to ticks – well, they were kind of related, but that’s really not the point.

  


“Ticks suck on blood until they explode because they have no assholes,” BamBam suddenly piped up eloquently, “I saw a video on youtube about it.”

  


“And now the moment is ruined,” Yugyeom sighed dramatically as Mark chortled and Jackson had a laughing fit, “This had everything to be a beautiful family bonding moment and you had to ruin it with… blood and ticks.”

  


“Why would you think of blood first though?” Jackson asked raising an eyebrow.

  


“Saw a vid on Youtube.” BamBam shrugged and then he proceeded to explain in detail how to remove blood stains from all sorts of surfaces before the concern got thicker in that household.

  


He eventually had to explain it had just been a Five Minute Crafts video, because Jinyoung had gone on full angry/concerned Dad mode and demanded to know what the hell kind of videos he was watching on the internet.

  


And somehow, seeing the chaos unfold in front of his eyes once again, made Jaebum oddly feel like a proud dad of five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short but updates will be on time now because everything is pre-written.  
> Get ready for some real JJP drama.
> 
> I'm so excited to share all of this with you, I'm very proud of the work I made with my Jaebongie hyung.  
> See you next Thursday!


	6. Chapter 6

It’d all been good and bright on that first day of Markson opening up about their relationship.

  


The following day, however, Jaebum started noticing that something was up with Jinyoung.

  


The others seemed to be blissfully unaware of it, but Jaebum – with his habit of letting his gaze linger on Jinyoung – had seen it right away. He’d also seen the tension in Public Markson, but he’d been expecting that. What he hadn’t been expecting was the constant serious look on Jinyoung’s face.

  


His mind reeled because of it.

  


It was a shit move on his part not to ask him about what was bothering him, but Jaebum _swears_ he had his reasons to act that way.

  


For starters, he’d recently come to terms with his sexuality. After a couple of long, _long_ years, Jaebum has finally accepted that he was in love with Jinyoung, and had been for an _embarrassingly_ long time without realising it. Typical him, so quick to pick up on others’ shit and so dumb to pick up on his own – he can already imagine Jackson chewing his ear off about it.

  


_Then,_ there was the thing with Jinyoung knowing that Mark and Jackson had been dating – or… well, they’d been kissing and hugging in private for sure, along with Stuff he didn’t want to walk in on – and keeping that information from him.

  


It was one thing to keep it from the younger boys, but he was the _leader._ He’s also supposed to be Jinyoung’s best friend – or so he thought. He was kind of starting to question that too, if we’re being real here.

  


Finally, there was the fact that Jaebum was 100% sure that Jinyoung knew that he liked him as more than just a friend and hadn’t been upfront about it and asked him directly about it.

  


Yes, you heard that right. Jaebum is sure that Jinyoung has figured out Jaebum’s feelings before Jaebum himself did, and is also sure that Jinyoung refused to confront Jaebum about it.

  


Convoluted?

  


Yes.

  


But that’s just how his relationship with Jinyoung has always been since.

  


_Anyway_.

  


To roll up a long and messy thread of thoughts that weren’t doing him any good, his theory was that Jinyoung, having picked up on Jaebum’s Real Feelings towards him, had been waiting for _him_ to come and tell him about it, even though he knew that Jaebum genuinely didn’t know what he felt.

  


He knew Jinyoung well enough to know he’d wait, and wait, and _wait_ and consequently get more, and more, and _more_ annoyed as he waited for Jaebum to realise once and for all that he wasn’t straight and was in love with him.

  


To make it worse, however, exactly _because_ Jinyoung hadn’t said anything, Jaebum was scared to tell him at this point. He feared the rejection more than he feared the anger even though he knew he deserved both.

  


So, while Jinyoung got visibly more and more angry as the days passed, Jaebum felt more and more dejected about that whole situation and felt like he wasn’t fit to be a leader because he couldn’t fucking live up to his own words.

  


_Honest and Open Communication. Sure, JB. What an Example of the Year you are._

  


He wasn’t even angry in the slightest. Jinyoung looked straight up sad – get it, _straight?_ No? Okay – but he was good at keeping his composure, so he didn’t really let it show. Sadness is easier to conceal than anger; which was what Jinyoung was feeling and Jaebum knew it all too well.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of flashback and the morning after, now from Jinyoung's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE.  
> Read from the chapter before this.

When Mark and Jackson finally gathered the balls to announce their relationship to the group, Jinyoung had to admit that he _did_ feel a bit jealous. His two best friends were dating and they looked happy; so, so happy, even with all the shit they were going through, and Jinyoung just felt _envious_.

  


He wanted that happiness, too.

  


He wanted to know how it felt to love and be loved so deeply; he wanted to hold someone’s hand, wanted to lean on someone, wanted to show the world that he also had something precious that nobody else can have. Jinyoung has had his fair share of unrequited crushes and ingenuine loves, honestly. He either has a crush on someone who just doesn’t see him as more than a friend or brother, or he just ends up dating someone who likes him for his looks or his status and will end up dumping him for his stubborn ways.

  


But on a more logical side, he also knew that he was too used to being the maknae at home, too used to getting everything he wanted – being the only male child and the baby sibling on top of it; he had to work fucking hard for it, but he always got what he wanted in the end – and he knew very well that his envious reaction was just a by-product of his competitive nature.

  


Hard work earned you results.

  


And Jinyoung couldn’t fathom why his hard work wasn’t yielding _any results._

  


He knew the fact that love needed process, time, patience, and that waiting was all that he could, do, really. He didn’t like it, wasn’t used to it, but he had to do it, so, he accepted it. But that doesn't mean he can't mope and sulk about it, and damn it, sulk he  _will_.

  


“I’m happy for you guys,” Jaebum suddenly spoke up after their members finished their cuddle pile, getting to his feet, and Jinyoung held back the urge to roll his eyes as their leader continued his ‘speech’.

  


This guy is a world-class hypocrite.

  


Jinyoung was no saint, but he had already admitted a long while ago that he might just have feelings for JB. The fact took him less by surprise than he initially thought it would, and Jinyoung actually started to think more about _why_ he wasn’t more bothered about possibly being gay, than the fact that he had actual feelings for _Im fucking Jaebum_ , of all people.

  


As weird as it may be, as Jackson had pointed out, Jinyoung wasn’t really bothered by the fact that he, indeed, harbored romantic feelings for their leader. Jinyoung was low-key in love with Jaebum, a _male_ and brother figure and fellow band member. That was no biggie. He seemed more bothered about the fact that he _wasn’t_ bothered by being the possibility of being gay.

  


“Ticks suck on blood until they explode because they have no assholes,” BamBam suddenly piped up eloquently, “I saw a video on youtube about it.”

  


_The fuck?_

  


Jinyoung frowned at the sudden turn of conversation because _what the fuck Bambam?_ He spaces out for a few seconds and the guys are already talking about ticks, bloods and assholes?!

  


“And now the moment is ruined,” Yugyeom sighed dramatically as Mark chortled and Jackson had a laughing fit, “This had everything to be a beautiful family bonding moment and you had to ruin it with… blood and ticks.”

  


“Why would you think of blood first though?” Jackson asked raising an eyebrow.

  


“Saw a vid on Youtube.” BamBam shrugged and then he proceeded to explain in detail how to remove blood stains from all sorts of surfaces before the concern got thicker in that household.

  


“Bam, what the _fuck_ kind of videos do you watch on Youtube?! Don’t make me put a child lock on your phone,” Jinyoung threatened, putting up his stern mom look, but he finallly cracked out a grin as he watched Bambam chuckle nervously and panic in front of him.

  


“What?! No, _no_! I swear, it’s just from a Five Minutes Craft videos!”

  


“Five Minute Craft vids do not talk about ticks!”

  


“But they do about blood!” Bambam retaliated, now starting to obviously panic, and Jinyoung held back the urge to laugh, keeping up his actor’s face instead.

  


“Why were you watching blood removal videos then?!”

  


Laughter erupted around them at Bambam’s expense, and finally, finally Jinyong cracked out a grin, unable to hold back the mirth, ignoring the stare being bored into his back.

  


It was enough.

  


The boys were enough for Jinyoung. He didn’t need Jaebum, not really. The older man was his hyung, his leader, his bandmate, and nothing else. Jinyoung didn’t need anything else from him.

  


Not really.

  


Jackson had then gotten up and excused himself to bed, claiming how tired he was and all he wanted was to fall sleep in his boyfriend’s arms. That earned a slew of “gross!” and “eww!” comments from the maknae line, and an endearing smile from Jaebum.

  


Jinyoung just rolled his eyes and excused himself to bed too. Nobody had to know that he actually stayed awake for a couple of hours because of all the stuff running through his head, lulling him into a restless sleep that made him wake up before his alarm even went off. He felt way too tired to try and sleep again, so he just got up and decided to be a real mom and make breakfast for the others.

  


The house is quiet when he stepped out; he could hear three to five different alarms blaring mutedly from the direction of the other boys’ room and the accompanying faint groans that came before the alarms promptly shut up. Jinyoung figured he still had a few long minutes before anybody even bothered to get out of their rooms, so he cooked up a pot of coffee (with a mug of hot chocolate for Yugyeom) and started on making some omelettes.

  


He shouldn’t really be surprised when he turned and met Jaebum’s eyes; the older lived in the same house with him, after all. But he was, he was surprised to see Jaebum in his glorious morning face, hair mussed, face a bit swollen and eyes barely awake. The older looked handsome, even messy like this, and Jinyoung forced himself to move.

  


As he moved to plate the eggs, Jinyoung could see Jaebum standing there, frozen, opening and closing his mouth like a fish, probably trying to say something. He can’t really say he really wanted to know what the other had on his mind. He’s curious, sure, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

  


Silently, Jinyoung shot Jaebum a glance, cocked his head towards the plate of egss and the stack of bread beside it, and poured a cup of coffee for the older before pushing it into his hands and walking off to the showers.

  


There’s no reason to be mean to hyung.

 

 

Jinyoung just didn’t feel like talking to him.

  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maknaeline notices that the're trouble in JJParadise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains barely any plot but full-on humor.

“Do you think that there’s something wrong with Jinyoung hyung?” Yugyeom asked his brothers from the maknae line. Youngjae pursed his lips and eyed their older brother who had just excused himself to use the restroom while they had their lunchbreak in the JYPE headquartes.

  


The comeback had been a success and they were now mostly worried about the live performances and the fanmeets and all that kind of stuff. The most stressful bit was over, which was the feedback and it’d been overwhelmingly positive, so all was well.

  


Only that it wasn’t.

  


“He looks like he’s about to burst…” Youngjae said in a hushed voice, concealed by Mark and Jackson who were busy talking about something that was making them both laugh. Meanwhile Jaebum was sitting there and seemingly not paying attention to anything but his lunch.

  


“I’m kind of scared…” Yugyeom confessed while BamBam put down his phone to pay attention to them and his own lunch.

  


“Maybe he’s just constipated.” He said, getting a mouthful of Healthy Food™.

  


The other two looked at him in silence, as if he’s grown another head.

  


“No, I’m serious! I didn’t tell you this because, why the hell would I tell you this?” He laughed at the thought, “Anyway, I was constipated and it hurt so much I could barely breathe so I called mum and she posted me some tea from Thailand.” He declared proudly, patting his belly, “Worked like a charm!”

  


“So…you took a good shit after that tea?” Youngjae snorted and BamBam nodded happily.

  


“I still have some in my flat, I can bring it over and you take it home, Yugyeomie.” He declared.

  


“Are you two talking about shit while you eat?” Jackson’s voice suddenly brought them back to the context they were in which was definitely not appropriate to be talking about shit. Mark chortled and looked from his boyfriend to the younger trio.

  


_Even though the food they were eating would eventually… no, never mind, Jaebum, don’t get carried away by these crackhead kids._

  


“We were talking about how Jinyoung hyung is probably constipated,” BamBam promptly explained, “And I said I have some magical tea in my flat that my mum sent me from Thailand and it’s good for that.”

  


“ _Constipated?_ ” Mark snorted softly, looking from him to Jackson who shrugged and kept eating his food. Jabeum could see that Jackson was most definitely deciding that it wasn’t worth asking. Mark’s gaze then suddenly landed on Jaebum himself, who quickly started eating again, stealing glances at the tray in front of his, which belonged to Jinyoung.

  


(Jinyoung kept sitting near him as if there wasn’t a storm brewing inside his guts.

Not _that_ kind of storm. A storm in the metaphorica—

 _Anyway._ )

  


“I don’t think he’s constipated,” Mark chuckled softly, “Not literally anyway. Don’t ask why I know this. I don’t want to keep talking about this. I’m already losing my appetite.”

  


“Same.” Jackson snorted and as he said that he saw Jinyoung returning and taking his place in front his tray again. He said nothing as he resumed eating and Jaebum didn’t say anything to him as he did the same.

  


“I have some tea at home, hyung,” BamBam suddenly said and Mark shook his head as Jackson cackled, “It’s good for gut issues.”

  


Jinyoung frowned at him and stopped the hand bringing food to his mouth halfway.

  


“ _What?_ ”

  


“Gut issues! You know!” BamBam rubbed his belly and scrunched his nose to exemplify how it felt, “ _when it’s stuck_.”

  


Jinyoung stared.

  


An uncomfortable silence fell, and Jaebum noticed Yugyeom’s hand squeeze BamBam’s thigh. That somehow got the good-natured Thai boy the message and he immediately turned back to his food.

  


“I got _something_ stuck alright,” Jinyoung suddenly said and the bite in his tone was so palpable Jaebum didn’t have to pay much attention to notice it.

  


Jaebum avoided his eyes.

  


“But that’s not it.”

  


The harshness in Jinyoung’s voice was gone, and he snorted a little. Jaebum dared look at him and saw the small smile directed at Bambam, “Don’t worry. Keep the tea for another time.”

  


“Okay.” BamBam nodded vehemently and focused on his food as did everyone else.

  


Mark glanced over at Jackson who shrugged before glancing at Jinyoung who wasn’t looking at anyone now. He was focused on eating his food in a calm and collected way that screamed danger to the Leader of GOT7 sitting in front of him. Jaebum didn’t feel like eating anymore but he kept pushing it, in order to keep the attention away from them.

  


Kind of a hard task because all eyes were still on them and he could feel each and every one of them. Turned out _Eyes on You_ was a nice title for an album but not that great in some other contexts.

  


He wanted the floor to open up under his chair and swallow him whole so that he could vanish into the abyssal depths of oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can thank ForestFish for this crack.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark walks in on Jaebum--

It was maybe around two weeks though, but really, it felt like two years.

  


It went on for what felt like an eternity.

  


The good news was, though, that fans didn’t pick up on any of it and it was alright.

  


Their stage performances went well, the fanmeets were nice and fun and, really, no matter how hard Jaebum looked for fans’ theories on Jinyoung’s behaviour in the latest events, he could find nothing unusual. He was also trying his best to look like his usual self so there wasn’t much on him either.

  


The Weather at home, however, unlike the Sunny, Bright and full of Sparkle Weather at the events, was overcast and foreboding matching the weather brewing outside.

  


At least to Jaebum.

  


Mark noticed that something was off because he asked Jaebum if he was alright a couple times. However, Mark seemed to be a bit airy lately, too, so he didn’t really push it when Jaebum lied.

  


Jaebum was getting very little sleep and it caught his weak ass crying in bed a couple times late in the night as the cloudy thoughts took over. Jaebum seriously considered talking to their bosses and passing on the role of Leader to someone else in the band who was more fit for the part than he was, which wasn’t hard at al—

  


“Jaebum-ah,” he heard Mark’s soft call from the door on a particularly difficult night.

  


Jaebum gasped and jolted on the bed and almost fell off it, trying his best to wipe off the shameful tears from his dumb face. He hadn’t heard him open the door and now his heart was racing, and he felt breathless.

  


“Oh. Whoa, _shit_ , sorry, I’m sorry! I didn’t… I’m sorry I should have knocked. I’m really sorry!” Mark apologised profusely as he rushed to him and sat beside him on the edge of the bed. He had just caught his leader in the most vulnerable state ever, and he wasn’t sure how he should proceed; acting purely out of instinct.

 

“No, no…” Jaebum breathed heavily trying to rub his face to cover what Mark had walked in to, “No… you, it’s… I was just scared because… it’s fine really.”

  


Mark, being the good hyung that he is, kept rubbing circles on his back to calm him down, but at that rate what that would do was make him start bawling his damn eyes out in front of the oldest member of GOT7 and Jaebum did not want that, _at all_.

  


“Thanks for… ah, I’m sorry. I was just really scared.” It wasn’t a lie and he tried smiling a little.

  


“Did you need something, Mark hyung?”

  


“Uh, yeah…” Mark said softly, getting his hand off Jaebum’s back and putting both his hands on the edge of the mattress beside his own thighs and looking at him with clear concern in his eyes, “I need to know if you’re alright.”

  


“I am.” Jaebum lied mechanically.

  


“You’ve been crying.”

  


“No, I haven’t.” Jaebum lied again, a bit startled, “I was, I was sleeping.”

  


Mark fell silent for a moment before heaving the sigh of ten lifetimes.

  


“Okay, I’ll respect it if you, if you don’t wanna talk.” He said gently with a small smile and Jaebum could see the sadness in his eyes. So, he did what we all do when we’re hiding something. He asked the question back.

  


“Are _you_ alright?”

  


Mark was silent for another moment and Jaebum was used to his musing silences, so he waited for a reply.

  


“I’ve been having some…” Mark tried quietly and brought one hand up to his own hair and messed the already mussed strands, “There have been some thoughts running around in my, in my mind lately… I mean…” – another long silent pause – “they’ve been there for a while and… and Jackson is in China right now so I can’t… I can’t really go to him.”

  


It was Jaebum’s turn to fall silent but in his case it more out of something to say. He didn’t like to see vulnerable Mark at all. He probably wouldn’t admit it aloud, but the guy was kind of like his pillar in that team. Then he remembered his own troublesome thoughts.

  


“What about Jinyoungie? You guys, you’re really close, right?”

  


Mark’s silence was more pointed this time and Jaebum regretted having brought Jinyoung up.

  


“His door is locked and he’s pretending to be asleep.” He said and Jaebum’s mouth opened but no words came out of it, so he closed it again. He had nothing to say to that either.

  


“He’s pretending to be asleep.”

  


“He’s pretending to be asleep.” Mark repeated his own words that Jaebum had softly repeated in a similar soft tone, “Do you know why?”

  


“No.” Jaebum kind of lied. He had a hunch but no certainties, so he was technically not lying this time.

  


“Any ideas?”

  


“No.” Now he was lying.

  


Mark fell silent again and scooted closer to him. He stiffened at the contact… but he kind of didn’t want him to leave and go seek refuge in Yugyeom. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts again.

  


“Okay.” Mark said with a little sigh, “D’you mind me crashing in your bed tonight?”

  


“No, I don’t.” It came out quiet and a lot more charged than Jaebum had intended it to and he feared that Mark would see right through it.

  


“Let’s sleep then.”

  


So, they did.

  


Jaebum managed to flip his pillow around to hide the wetness on time before he crawled under the covers with Mark who took it upon himself to initiate the cuddling that Jaebum was thankful for.

  


What would he do without Mark, really?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why was Jinyoung pretending to be asleep, and how did Mark know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FORGOT TO UPLOAD LAST THURSDAY AH IM SORRY
> 
> Have a double update as compensation

“You’re being ridiculous again, Nyoungie,” Jackson groaned on screen, turning to lie on his back and type something on his phone before turning his attention back to his best friend, “You know that hyung is dense as fuck, and you’re the scariest member out of all of us, with Markeu being a close runner-up. Even if he got hit on the head and got an epiphany or something, Bummie hyung would never ever confront you about _anything,_ especially _feelings_.”

  


“Well he _should_!” Jinyoung retaliated in hushed whispers, “I’ve been dropping hints more obvious than the two of you have been during your secret dating shit and that is saying a _lot_! The least he could do is meet me halfway!”

  


_knock knock knock_

  


Jackson sighed, and glared softly at the screen. “Nyoungie. That’s not how it works.”

  


“It should.”

  


“If everything worked the way it _should_ , then there would be no sasaengs and antis.”

  


_knock knock knock_

  


“Yes, okay, _fine,_ ” the younger relented, “But I can’t just… Come up to him and ask him out. What if he doesn’t feel the same?”

  


“I bet JB hyung is thinking the same about you right now. He might think he’s been misreading things,” Jackson pointed out, and Jinyoung knows he’s right. Jaebum never really had the confidence that Jinyoung himself did, the younger often becoming the leader’s discussion partner. He understood, acknowledged, how different the two of them were in terms of almost everything; but he also knew, _realized,_ how compatible they were and how much they covered each other’s flaws.

  


There was a truth to their “married couple” nickname, and Jinyoung knew it.

  


_knock knock knock_

  


“For _fuck’s sake_ , just open the damn door!” Jackson suddenly whined through the headset, the sound jolting Jinyoung out of his reverie, “Mark knows you’re awake, I just told him you’re chatting with me! Why won’t you let him in?”

  


_knock knock knock_

  


“I don’t feel like it, Sseunie.”

  


“You could just tell him that, instead of letting him stand in front of your door and knock like an idiot.”

  


“I don’t want to.”

  


“Aish you spoiled brat,” Jackson rolled his eyes, and Jinyoung watched through his phone screen as the other reached out to grab his phone and type something on the rectangular piece of electronic. The slight feeling of relief and smugness indicated that Jinyoung was, indeed, a spoiled brat, but hey. Nobody else needed to know.

  


The knocking soon stopped, and Jackson had his eyes back on the screen again.

  


“ _Look_ , you only have two options, and you know it,” the Hong Kong native started, getting straight back to business, and Jinyoung felt like he was being given an ultimatum.

  


“Either you go up to him and spill your guts and risk rejection but clear the air… or play cat-and-mouse for God-knows-how-long and don’t say a Goddamn word and let the awkwardness build until it explodes.”

  


“Like you and Mark hyung?” Jinyoung shot back reflexively, and Jackson narrowed his eyes.

  


Talking back has always been a really bad trait of his that he had a lot of trouble getting rid of; especially towards people he felt comfortable around. It’s a good thing that Jackson and his good-hearted nature had gotten used to it quickly, or Jinyoung could swear that the Hong Kong native would have already punched him a few times in the past.

  


“ _No_ , Mark and I actually sorted our shit out. We know where we stand. That whole awkward thing only lasted for a few weeks. You and JB hyung on the other hand, have been doing this shit for literal _years._ You guys started having the hots for each other since JJProject and shit just got more real after Verse #2 came out. Don’t lie – ” Jackson quickly cut in the second Jinyoung opened his mouth, “It’s true and you fucking _know_ it. You might’ve just realized your feelings recently, but this whole mess started way before Got7 even debuted.”

  


Jinyoung fell silent.

  


Well, _shit._

  


Why was Jackson always right? Why did he have to be so sharp? Why were both his best friends so sharp? Yet, he had still managed to develop a crush on a guy who was so far in the closet he might as well be in fucking Narnia.

  


“Just sort yourself out, pick your ninja way, and stick to it. I gotta sleep, I’ve got to meet a friend tomorrow,” Jackon yawned on the screen, “I’ll be back in Korea the day after tomorrow, so just whine to Mark about stuff for the meantime, ‘kay? Night, Nyoung.”

  


And that was how Jinyoung’s night ended; alone, in the dark, with his head so full of thoughts he didn’t even know what he was thinking about anymore.

  


Morning came, and it was annoyingly sunny and bright. It took a lot for Jinyoung to muster up the strength to get up and out of bed; even more to open up his door and face the others. He wasn’t ready to play his role of group mom just yet; he wanted to be the child _he was_ for just a little while longer.

  


Life is, however, a cruel bitch, and it was already 11 am in anyways. Jinyoung pulled the door, stepping into the living room.

  


The house was already alive as always, even with only four men in the building. He could hear the showers running from the distance, and glimpsed movement by the kitchen. Yawning, Jinyoung made his way to the kitchen, only to find a topless Yugyeom crouched by the floor, pressing a white cloth against a puddle of light brown liquid that oddly smelt like coffee.

  


“Gyeomie?” Jinyoung called, “What… are you doing?”

  


The young man jerked in surprise at the voice, quickly turning around to face his hyung with a sheepish smile. Jinyoung’s assumptions were right; the puddle in front of Yugyeom’s toes smelt strongly of coffee and the older scrunched his nose.

  


“Ah,” Yugyeom began, looking between the mess and Jinyoung, “I tried making coffee for you guys, but I accidentally spilled it and it got on my shirt and the floor and I didn’t spot a mop so I just …” the boy trailed off, and Jinyoung shook his head. Typical maknaes.

  


He walked over to the sink, wetting his hand with water before crouching beside Yugyeom and splattering a bit of the liquid on to the smelly, sticky mess on the floor.

  


“Gotta put a bit of water on it,” he mumbled, taking the mop – shirt – from Yugyeom’s hands and dabbing away at the floor until it was clean. He handed the cloth back and ruffled the maknae’s hair with his clean hand.

  


“Go change, and wash that shirt,” he smiled, and watched as Yugyeom grinned a “thank you” and walked off to his room.

  


Ah, Jinyoung really did feel like a mom.

  


Getting to his feet, the Virgo busied himself by salvaging the coffee Yugyeom made by pouring what was left of it into a cup, before brewing a fresh pot for his two hyungs. While at it, he decided to make a drink for Yugyeom too and rummaged into the cupboard for a sachet of instant chocolate drinks.

  


Just as he was stirring the sweet drink while sipping on his own cup of coffee, a voice – which was distinctly Mark, no doubt about it – called out behind him. It wasn’t long before he felt a pair of arms around his waist, manhandling him to turn around and press his lower back against the counter.

  


“Nyoung-ah.” came Mark’s slight whine into his shoulder, one that Jinyoung has already grown accustomed to over the years, and he instinctively put his hands on the older’s waist. Mark rarely ever acted like child – he wasn’t _Jackson,_ Got7’s biggest cuddle bug (the second was Jinyoung himself, actually) – but over the years, the two had somehow rubbed off on each other more than anyone could ever have predicted.

  


Mark grew to become more talkative, more brash and bold, more playful; while Jackson himself became more subdued, thinking his words over before he spoke, became calmer and composed and just overall quiet. He’d said something about making a “cool image guy” but Jinyoung somehow couldn’t buy it.

  


“Hyung. You’re older than me.” Jinyoung started, running his fingers through Mark’s damp, faded purple hair, and pushed him gently away to take a good look at him. He looked like he’d just gotten out of the shower; his skin was still cool and his face seemed freshly shaved. Mark looked handsome, and the annoyed glare the older gave him somehow just made him look cuter.

  


Jinyoung really was a whipped mom.

  


“So?” Mark huffed out, stepping back and moving to sit by the dining table, “I think I can do whatever I want after what you did to me last night. _Especially_ after you’ve been using me as a personal bolster for the past few weeks.”

  


“…. fine,” Jinyoung relented, turning back to pour coffee for himself, “Sorry I ignored you. I just didn’t have the energy to be anybody’s pillar last night.”

  


“Yeah,” Mark sighed, and Jinyoung heard him slump himself over the table, “Jackson told me.”

  


“What did you need me last night for, anyway?” Jinyoung asked, coffee cup in hand, turning around and leaning back against the counter again.

  


“Cuddles,” the older shrugged, “Just, cuddles. Maybe some advice, but ultimately cuddles.”

  


“Was Yugyeom still awake?”

  


“No idea. I didn’t go to him.”

  


Jinyoung froze midway in raising his cup to his lips.

  


“Didn’t feel like… like going to Gyeomie? I don’t know, I love him, like he’s my own biological little brother, but still. A little bro, y’know? I went to JB’s. Cuddled, as I do.”

  


“…. hm.”

  


Jinyoung took a sip of his coffee cup.

  


An awkward silence filled the kitchen.

  


Mark, being the sharp man that he’d always been, noticed the change in his younger friend’s gait immediately and sat up as he realized that he might’ve said something he shouldn’t.

  


Jinyoung, on the other hand, was way more pissed at the fact that he was annoyed and jealous knowing that Mark received cuddles, instead of the cuddling act itself. Yes, he is an entitled spoiled brat, what can he do about it. Being jealous about the person receiving the cuddles rather than the act itself, while knowing fully well that the person actually needed the comfort.

  


What kind of a friend is he?

  


Jinyoung pushed himself off the counter and walked off.

  


“Nyoung – ”

  


He heard it.

  


He heard Mark call for him, but he just ignored it. He didn’t feel like stopping and hearing his hyung’s excuses. He just… He needed time to think. Still with his coffee cup in hand, Jinyoung walked off to the bathroom Mark had just occupied minutes ago, and shut the door.

  



	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happened, right?  
> Now Jaebum finally grew some balls.  
> Jinyoung is just still a sassy ball of pettiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double update bc i forgot to update last thursday, and I most likely will forget again this week hahah I am sorry

The following day was a rare day off for GOT7 so everyone kind of allowed themselves to sleep in. It was past 11am when Jaebum and Mark got up.

  


“Why are you two coming out of the… _what_?”

  


Yugyeom found Mark and Jaebum coming out of Jaebum’s bedroom the following morning.

  


The maknae looked half-asleep – and definitely half-naked, from the waist up. He was carrying a shirt rolled up one hand as he carried an empty mug of what had probably been coffee, judging by the scent, in the other. He’d showered but he looked sleepy anyway which wasn’t too surprising, really.

  


“I crashed at JB’s last night,” Mark explained in his raspy morning voice before yawning, “Didn’t feel like bothering you or sleeping alone so…” he shrugged.

  


“Can I be next?” Yugyeom grinned, “I also wanna crash at Jaebum hyung’s and cuddle him!”

  


Jaebum thought it was kind of funny, the fact that he was talking like he wasn’t standing right there behind Mark. He was in a better mood that morning after some wholesome cuddling with Mark which had atoned how anxious and lonely he felt a little.

  


“You can come crash with hyung any time, Yugyeomie,” Jaebum smiled a little sleepy smile, “I’m… let’s go take a shower.”

  


Luckily, this time, all showers were working now so they could each take their separate shower in peace.

  


There was a time when they were all late and one out of three was broken while the good ones were occupied and Jaebum had to squeeze in beside a very naked – and very confused – Mark. He could still remember the shape and size of his hyung’s dick and ass and _oh God he wishes he didn’t_.

  


But _anyway._

  


The showers were indeed taken in peace but when Jaebum entered the living room he found Jinyoung dressed as well and with a mug of coffee in his hand.

  


For a wild second Jaebum legitimately thought he would throw it at him and he couldn’t control the hands that rose a little in defence. Jinyoung was staring at him in silence, shooting daggers from his eyes but he lowered the hand holding the mug before bringing it back up to his lips and gulping the coffee in one go. He spun around and walked back into the kitchen to go put it away.

  


Jaebum heaved a deep sigh and covered his face with both hands.

  


“Jaebum ah…” Mark started and Jaebum noticed the guilt in his tone and uncovered his face to look at the man sitting on the couch, hair wet and face very, very bare. Of course. he’d showered at the speed of light. Mark Tuan, everybody.

  


“I… I kind of told him we’d slept together because he, uh, his door didn’t open last night and now I feel like…” he gulped and shook his head, “I had no idea he’d get that pissed over it, like… I’ve done it with him plenty so… I… should have kept my mouth shut.”

  


Jaebum looked at Mark blankly and snorted, covering his eyes.

  


“I really am the worst fucking leader on the history of Kpop.”

  


“Why are you saying that, hyung?” Yugyeom said worriedly, turning up from behind him, now with a fresh shirt on, “You’re the best leader, hyung.”

  


“Wait, Gyeomie, your shirt – ” Mark started, but the younger waved his hand, a sheepish smile on his face.

  


“I kind of spilled coffee on the other one and, uh, now it’s a cloth or something. I don’t know how to get coffee stains off clothes,” he chuckled rubbing the back of his neck, “Maybe I’ll ask Bam, he knows that kind of stuff…”

  


Jaebum snorted again and Mark smiled a little before Yugyeom went back to the serious subject.

  


“But seriously, hyung. You’re the best leader ever.”

  


“I’m the _only one_ you’ve ever had,” Jaebum snorted and shook his head, “You don’t know that. You can’t say that for sure. I should… I should...”

  


“You should _shut_ the fuck _up_ , that’s what you should do.”

  


A deep, snarky voice resounded from behind them and the three froze.

  


Jinyoung had returned and he was so visibly _pissed_ that Yugyeom almost coiled away despite being the tallest of the two.

  


Jaebum merely stared at Jinyoung in silence. The silence that settled in the room was so thick it would take the sharpest longsword to cut it.

  


“I…” Jaebum started and his jaw clenched, and his fists clenched.

  


His shoulders hunched defensively.

  


He’d had it.

  


That was his damn limit.

  


He would do it.

  


If not for his own good for the good of his team, at least.

  


He was going to end that awful tension between him and his best friend – aka the man he was in love with – as soon and as effectively as he could.

  


“I want us to talk somewhere else,” he said, heart hammering under everyone’s attentive gaze, “I’m sorry, guys but… but there’s something I need to… I have to talk to Jinyoungie in private.”

  


The use of the diminutive had some sort of effect on the two uninvolved boys and they quickly agreed with a silent nod.

  


“Let’s go somewhere,” Jaebum said, stepping forward, but Jinyoung just stood there, staring at him, without a single word. His hands were folded in front of his chest and he was scrutinizing each and every inch of Jaebum. The leader suddenly felt naked.

  


“Please, Jinyoung ah. Please come with me.”

  


“Where?” Jinyoung asked, venom in his voice.

  


“Anywhere, I don’t… I don’t know, I didn’t think that far. Just come with me, please,” Jaebum pleaded and Jinyoung remained glued to the spot staring at him as if he was trying to set him on fire with his mind.

  


“Okay, fine. I’ll go,” Jinyoung finally said with a heavy huff and uncrossed his arms. The crease between his eyebrows was still there and unchanged but at least he agreed and that was something to work with.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebum spills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter written by Forestfish

Jaebum had really not been thinking things through when he invited Jinyoung to go out of the house with him. He wanted to talk to him but there was a list of problems with that ‘want’ :

1) What would he tell him?

2) How would he even start a conversation with him?

3) What would he do if he was rejected?

4) How would he explain to him that he hadn’t realised his feelings for him sooner?

5) He wanted Jinyoung to yell at him and hit him.

  


That last point was weird, but he really, _really_ wanted Jinyoung to yell at him and lash out on him and just rough him the fuck up – while avoiding the face, of course, because he worked, and his work required a non-bruised face and nose that hadn’t been punched repeatedly. It was something oddly masochistic, but Jaebum didn't want to think about it.

  


“I want lunch.” It was Jinyoung who coldly started the conversation after they’d already left the building, their faces covered with dust masks and hats on.

  


The sky had some clouds and it was kind of cold outside but not enough to worry about it and dress warmly. Jaebum had his fisted hands tucked away in his jacket’s pockets and noticed that Jinyoung also had his hands hidden. Jaebum hated the silence more than the nerves he felt, so he was glad Jinyoung had said something even though it was about a current necessity.

  


“Let’s go have lunch, then.” Jaebum said quietly in return, “I’m buying… of course.”

  


“Of course.” Jinyoung repeated with a pointed nod, “I want kebabs and then Ice Cream, and… and there’s this new film in the theatres I want to watch.”

  


“I’m paying for all that.” Jaebum said.

  


“Yes, you are.”

  


“Yeah.”

  


In short, if that was _a date_ , it was the worst fucking date in the history of dating.

  


For starters they ate lunch in silence. Then Jinyoung had his expensive ice cream in silence and then they sat together in the darkness of the theatre – _also in complete silence_ – and Jinyoung was completely focused on the film, and on eating the expensive popcorn, and drinking the expensive soda he’d gotten (that Jaebum had paid for, _naturally_ ) and didn’t look at Jaebum _once_ during the over 2 hours it took to end.

  


Jaebum would have enjoyed the film on a different occasion but then he just felt like… like… he didn’t even know. That was an action film, but he felt like he was about to shed a couple equally silent tears (he was a silent crier anyway). He didn’t know and that was good in his book if it meant not breaking down.

  


“What do you – ” his voice cracked and he mentally cussed, “uh, sorry, what do you want to do now?”

  


It was almost 7pm and it was getting dark already; the sun kissed the buildings goodbye and left the earth to its own electric illuminating devices.

  


“A walk in the park… _hyung_.” The bite in the honorific made Jaebum clench his jaw under the dust mask before he nodded.

  


“Alright then.”

  


There was a park near the river and Jaebum was kind of wishing Jinyoung would push him into it so that he could drown and go to hell, but as they walked through the fading reddish light of the day seeping through the leaves of the trees in that park something inside him snapped. It was almost physical and shook his whole being from head to toe. He felt a warmth start from his chest and spread onto the rest of his body.

  


He knew what it was.

  


“Let’s seat here, please,” he requested and Jinyoung looked at him quizzically.

  


“Please, let’s seat here,” he repeated, pointing at the park bench that gave them a clear view of the still shining surface of the river as the sunset colours faded slowly into the night. Jinyoung hesitated for a moment, frowning before following Jaebum’s example and seating down on the bench. Neither had taken out their hands out of their pockets yet and they sat apart.

  


Apart enough to fit a third person and perhaps a fourth between them.

  


_Yeah._

  


Jaebum pulled his dust mask off his face and stuffed it in his pocket along with his hand. He saw Jinyoung do the same.

  


“I have,” Jaebum started and his voice was quiet and crackling like wood on fire. Jinyoung glanced at him, “There’s something I need to tell you… some-something we need to talk about.”

  


“Is there?” Jinyoung asked icily, and Jaebum nodded.

  


“Yes.”

  


“Go on then,” he said and licked his lips before pursing them and raising both his eyebrows, “I’m all ears.”

  


Jaebum glanced at him and saw the anger which reflected his and even had the same target. Then he chortled and that caught Jinyoung by surprise, clearly, because his face contorted into a grimace as he looked at Jaebum.

  


“Is it a joke you want to tell me?”

  


“Yes,” Jaebum scoffed and pursed his lips, “It starts with me and ends with me.”

  


Jinyoung’s eyes became slits of anger and he glared. “Listen, here, if you’re gonna play the fucking victim I’ll—”

  


“I won’t,” Jaebum smiled and then he shook his head. “Look…” he leant forward and propped his forearms on his thighs finally getting his fisted hands out of his pockets, “I… I didn’t know.”

  


“ _You didn’t know,_ ” Jinyoung repeated flatly, “You’ll have to be more specific because last time I checked, I didn’t read minds.”

  


“Well, I didn’t know I was,” he paused, and he gulped, a bead of sweat trickling down the side of his face as his nape got drenched. He was going to finally say it!

  


“I didn’t know I was in love with you, Jirongie.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung is way too emotional to read between the lines

“I didn’t know I was in love with you, Jirongie,” he said quietly.

  


The silence that followed was only broken by the light brushing of the leaves on each other and the running water of the river.

  


Jaebum’s fists were shaking and his jaw looked glued until he opened his mouth again and looked at Jinyoung who was staring blankly at him.

  


“I’m not… I’m not asking you to… _fuck_ I don’t even know what to… I just…” he swallowed hard and pulled his hat off his head, throwing it so far away it landed in the river before he messed his own hair with his hands, “I didn’t even, I didn’t _know_ I could like men… and, and I don’t even – ” his anxious mind wasn’t letting him speak coherently as his eyes started to sting but he managed to keep _that_ shit in, “ – I don’t even see myself ever, _ever_ liking another man… or… ”

  


He scoffed and that did the trick to keep the shameful tears at bay.

  


“Or _person_ , if I’m being fucking honest here, this is messing me up… I just… I…”

  


He looked at Jinyoung – who was still staring wordlessly at him – which made him realise that he wouldn’t mind the rejection because, “I don’t want you to return anything.” He declared, “And I’m not, I’m not playing the victim. I know I’m the one at fault… I… I just didn’t realise it, and it was… it was so obvious.”

  


He chortled and shook his head. “I really just want you to, like, punch me somewhere. Not the, maybe not the face, since… you know… we’re idols and shit…”

  


Jinyoung blinked at last and gave him a dirty look.

  


“That is the single worst confession I’ve ever heard in my entire life,” he said and scoffed, “You don’t want me to return anything? May I ask why?”

  


Jaebum didn’t expect that question so he didn’t really have an answer that wouldn’t add more fuel to the fire.

  


“Because I don’t deserve you.”

  


An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

  


Jinyoung opened his mouth. “Because you don’t… Don’t _what_?”

  


His tone sounded downright _venomous_ , and Jaebum was pretty sure the question was rhetorical. They stared at each other for a few seconds, Jinyoung’s eyes ablaze with a mixture of annoyance, frustration and… and disappointment?

  


“What do you want me to do, then?” Jinyoung spoke up again, “You don’t want me to return your feelings, but I can’t fuck off because we’re stuck in the same group, under the _same fucking house_ , aren’t we?”

  


The younger’s voice was cracking, and they were close enough for Jaebum to be able to actually _see_ the tears pooling in Jinyoung’s eyes.

  


“I don’t understand you. You have feelings for me, but you don’t want it to go any further, is that it? This is just a boy-crush that you hope will go away, isn’t it? I fucking _knew it_.”

  


Before Jaebum could open his mouth, Jinyoung had already gotten up to his feet.

  


“I’ll be going home alone, _hyung_. See you later.”

  


  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd probably do another update on Monday bc of how short this chapter is.  
> Or tomorrow, we'll see.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JB snaps and gets mugged and recognized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My laptop is broken and I was sick from monday to wednesday.. sorry i couldn't upload faster.

Jaebum was left there alone on that bench by the river as the night fell completely and enveloped the world in darkness. The electric lights went on all over the park and he could see the lights on the other side of the river go on as well. They reflected on the water and stretched from side to side, like intertwined fingers.

  


There were people passing by jogging with their dogs or just by themselves with their earbuds and Jaebum was sitting there. Motionless and turned mute still staring at the direction Jinyoung had gone.

  


Away from him.

  


Angry and crying.

  


He deserved that, he knew it, but he’d wanted him to get mad and hit him, maybe call him names and insult his blood or something. He had even been _expecting_ to be rejected; he really thought that Jinyoung would either tell him to get fucked or tell him _‘too bad, I don’t feel the same’._ Well, he’d kind of told him to get fucked but not in the way Jaebum had expected him to. From what he’d gathered in his shock, his feelings were probably not unrequited but they might as well have been.

  


‘ _This is just a boy-crush that you hope will go away, isn’t it?_ _ **I fucking knew it**_ _.’_

  


Then Jaebum was crying alone on that bench as those words kept playing on his mind like a scratched record that kept getting louder and angrier each time it repeated that verse.

  


‘ _This is just a boy-crush that you hope will go away, isn’t it?’_

  


It’s not.

  


‘ _ **This is just a boy-crush that you hope will go away, isn’t it?**_

  


It’s not!

  


‘ **THIS IS JUST A BOY-CRUSH THAT YOU HOPE WILL GO AWAY,** _ **ISN’T IT**_ **?’**

  


_IT’S NOT!_

  


Jaebum stood up and walked away, out of sight.

  


He didn’t want anyone to see him (he could even be recognised, with his fucking drenched face uncovered) so he ran. He couldn’t run from his thoughts; he couldn’t run from the fact that Jinyoung basically just made light of his feelings. But he damn well could run for real and let some steam off.

  


He ran alongside the river in the direction the water was running to. Well, it went to the _sea_ , sure, but he didn’t want to go to the sea. He wouldn’t be able to reach it anyway. He just wanted to go somewhere where he couldn’t be seen. Where he could crawl into a ball and just…

  


He sat far away. Away from where people usually walked. A darker corner of the park still by the river but poorly frequented in more ways than one. Yes, he knew he was acting like a stupid kid, running off like that to hide but he didn’t know what to do with himself.

  


He’d never had his heart broken like that. The feeling was crushing and completely new and he wanted to claw it out of his chest and his mind and just crumple it and throw it in the river. However, his feelings weren’t just a ‘boy-crush’ and his heart was metaphorical powder.

 

That had been no rejection. That had been the man he’d been unaware he’d been in love with _for years_ telling him that his feelings were just a childish crush. And he deserved that. _He really did._ That was retribution for him not noticing his feelings sooner when they were so damn obvious. They were about as obvious as someone dressed from head to toe in expensive brand clothes getting mugged at a shady, unfrequented corner of a park, because they were stupid and messy enough to go there in the first place.

  


“Hey there, little homie.”

 

 

He heard someone’s dragged voice mock behind him and looked back. There were two scraggly guys standing there. One of them was holding a foldable knife with a long blade.

  


_Well, fuck. When life imitates analogies._

  


“Oh, baby boy was crying, was he? That’s sad. What happened?” One of them mocked, “Did your boyfriend dump you?”

  


_Now,_ there was no way that these two thugs could have possibly known about what had happened with Jinyoung earlier. His words were intended as a provocation, naturally, probably also taking a jab at the fancy way Jaebum was dressed, but the way it was said just hit Jaebum right in the fear and nullified it.

 

_Completely._

  


(Pro-tip: Never, _ever_ , under _any_ circumstances, react to a mugging when you’re by yourself and unarmed.)

  


Jaebum’s sadness and broken heart turned into full-fledged anger as he calmly pulled his phone out of his pocket. He pressed the sim card out and the memory card after it before the guys could really take notice of what he was doing (it really was dark on that part of the park). He then put them in a zipper pocket in his pants and then proceeded to put the phone on the dirt beside him as the formatting happened quietly.

  


“What the fuck are you doing, fuckboy? I’ll gut the shit out of you! Pass everything over before I lose my patience!” The one holding the knife threatened, shaking the knife in front of him.

  


Jaebum paid him no heed as he pulled out his wallet next and got out all his documents and stuffed them inside the same pocket as the tiny cards. There was some money in there, but it was barely enough for a pint of beer and he was suddenly chuckling to himself as he stood up holding both his wallet and his phone.

  


To be really honest, Jaebum had never thought that his childhood late getaway runs from his drunk _father_ (he could hardly call him father, really. He harboured no good feelings about that man) would ever come in handy when he got older. Having been nearly mugged multiple times when he was young, dumb and hanging out in dark parts of an area while crying his ass off and kicking inanimate objects full-force, had made him pretty street-smart, if he could say so himself.

  


Jaebum knew what to do when faced with muggers, how to do it, and when to run or strike. He never thought he could ever be thankful towards the useless piece of shit he had the misfortune of sharing DNA with, for anything, but maybe there was always a bright side to everything and he’d been mistaken. Not having a proper dad growing up had made him toughen up. Maybe he should post the creature thanking him for making him street-smart, since he’d been good for nothing else.

  


He threw his phone and wallet at the two thugs without warning and they fumbled to catch them. The one holding the knife stupidly dropped it and Jaebum, with nothing to lose, bent over to pick it up. He folded it back and held on to it.

  


“You know,” he started, the bile in his voice pouring from every syllable as the suddenly unarmed lowly thugs looked frightened looking at him. He liked that. _A lot._ He unfolded the knife and mimicked the guy from before, waving it around stupidly, “when you shake your knife like this, it means you’re not planning on using it.”

  


“This guy is nuts,” the one who hadn’t been holding the knife and currently had Jaebum’s phone said, “he’s really…” the other one seemed to be thinking the same as he held on to Jaebum’s empty yet expensive leather wallet.

  


Jaebum felt himself harden even more as the anger settled for real. He folded the knife again put it in his jacket’s pocket.

  


His first attack landed on Phone Guy’s face. He held him by the ears before pulling him down and kneeing him in the nose with all his might. The second guy seemed to attempt an attack as the other one fell backwards, wailing with a broken nose gushing out blood like a faucet. Jaebum landed his elbow on the other guy’s face after dodging his sloppy haymaker. The guy didn’t fall, but he brought his hands to his stunned face and didn’t see the foot coming in his gut’s direction when Jaebum pasted him a kick with all the strength he had on his leg. That guy, too, fell backwards, unable to breathe and Jaebum snorted as he wiped his still wet face.

  


That was a great way to wind down.

  


“Keep the fucking phone and the wallet, assholes. Or actually…” he scoffed and leaned over to grab the fallen objects from the dirt. He pulled out the knife from his pocket under the two incompetent muggers’ scared and bloody looks and sliced his wallet in two before stabbing his phone with it and watching it sparkle and go completely dark.

  


“You can’t even have this shit.”

  


He stomped away angrily leaving them behind before he started running angrily after a while.

  


_Great._

  


Now he had to get another phone. And another wallet.

  


“Oh God, please don’t hurt me!”

  


He only realised he’d been running around like a tiger in tights while holding a knife when the convenience store’s young clerk screamed at the sight of him. When did he even enter a convenience store?

  


“Oh shit,” Jaebum grunted looking at the knife before folding it and stuffing it in his pocket again, “I didn’t notice this.”

  


No wonder people on the streets had been giving him frightened looks as he dashed down it.

  


“Wait… I know you…” the clerk said slowly lowering his shaking hands, “you’re from Got7 aren’t you?”

  


Well, Jaebum was sure he still had his physical heart working because he felt it stop for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Im Jaebeom's biological father is a drunk asshole. Look it up, guys.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaebum is being his dad-self to the store clerk.

“You’re from Got7.”

  


How the _fuck_ would he get out of that one?

  


The store _definitely_ had cameras and he’d been seen getting in with a knife looking like a maniac. Having his feelings invalidated and his heart broken felt like nothing at the prospect of ruining his group’s reputation and making it to national television with the headliner:

  


“ _GOT7 LEADER IM JAEBUM SEEN ENTERING CONVENIENCE STORE HOLDING DEADLY WEAPON”_

  


His face would be on the piece of news, a screencap of the CCTV that would fool nobody as to who he was. The press was going to have a field day and JYP was going to have his head.

  


“Look, look, I… I’m not here to rob the store!”

  


“Yeah, no shit dude, you’re loaded,” The clerk said breathing heavily, “Why are you – why do you have that knife?”

  


“Some fuc-“

  


_Hold the_ _swearing_ , _Jaebum, don’t make it worse._

  


“Ahem. Some _guys_ tried to mug me and, and uh, I… kind of… I kind of kicked their asses and got their knife,” he explained hopelessly. This guy could literally ruin his goddamn life.

  


The clerk looked at him speechless, unblinking.

  


“I always, uh, I thought idols weren’t that tough, I mean… my little sister she’s… she’s a great fan of your group and…” the boy trailed off and shook his head, rubbing his eyes, “I always thought you were all just a bunch of… pretty faces with nice moves and voices?”

  


Jaebum scoffed but his fight instinct was still on and his mind was still focused.

  


“Look, that’s cool, we kinda sell that image.”

  


_Fuck_ his worries about cussing, really, this guy was too stunned that idols could also be volatile and nuts like every other human anyway. In for a penny, in for a pound, yeah?

  


“Um, is there any way you can access the CCTV on this store?”

  


“I can,” the boy simply said, and he sighed deeply, “I have a degree in computer science… I can even hack into the CCTV all the way up here, whatever stuff you want.”

  


_It was his lucky fucking night after all._ Who would have thought? He couldn’t hold back the laugh that escaped his lips.

  


“That would be terrific! I’d appreciate it greatly and buy like, a shitton of expensive stuff around here and give you money. Whatever you ask.” Jaebum was offering his money now. He came from having people try to mug him to try to bribe some overqualified convenience store clerk into erasing every trace of his crazy run. _Wonderful._ You know, some people jog with their dogs, some with music, others just jog about while holding foldable knives. Regular business.

  


The boy closed the store and directed Jaebum to the back where he grabbed his computer. The electronics looked pretty peculiar, but Jaebum figured that’s what hackers’ computers looked like.

  


“Take a seat, uh, Im Jaebum ssi.”

  


“Oh? You know my name. I thought your sister was the fan?” Jaebum grinned, amused, as he sat on a plastic chair in the dingy staff room. The boy chuckled as he madly clicked away on his laptop.

  


“I know all of you by name,” He said without getting his eyes off the computer’s screen, “JB, Markeu, Jackson, Park Jinyoung, Choi Youngjae, BamBam, Kim Yugyeom, GOT7!” He deadass sang him their name fanchant while looking at the screen, “I’ve even been to a concert with my sister.”

  


“Oh…you’re a good brother.” Jaebum smiled, unable to contain the small speck of joy he felt at knowing people liked Got7’s work.

  


“I’m a shitty convenience store clerk,” The boy snorted as he clicked madly before finally tapping the enter key a couple times, “Okay, well, the footage down the street is gone.”

  


He showed the screen to Jaebum who noticed that he’d even changed the times and made it look like nothing had been erased. Jaebum stared at him, stunned. This boy really ought to be working somewhere else. He put the laptop aside and proceeded to walk over to a computer on the corner which showed several angles of the store and sat in front of it.

  


This whole situation had gone from possibly career-ending, to funny, to cute, and finally to sad at a really quick pace. Then again, that had been a weird and long ass day for Jaebum so at this point nothing would really shock him. If a whole monkey hopped off one of the high shelves stacked with boxes, he wouldn’t even flinch and probably even try to hug the animal.

  


“And this shit is gone too,” The boy said with a sigh, playing the footage for him to see that he was nowhere to be seen, “I’m turning the cameras off while you’re here.”

  


“Dude, you’re the best,” Jaebum said with his first real smile of the night, “What the actual fuck are you doing working in a place like this!? You should be working for the police or something!”

  


The boy just shrugged as they walked back into the sales area.

  


Jaebum made good on his promise to buy a load of stuff. He bought a phone and a new wallet and then he got a couple of expensive kitchen appliances that he really didn’t need but he wanted to make it look like there had been some major sales that night. Then he told the boy (whose name was Kim Doyoung) to type down some high value on the credit card reader to get him a fat tip for what he’d done for him that night. Naturally, he’d gotten a new hat and put his dust mask back on to get out of the store.

  


“It’s a pity you don’t have any Got7 albums for sale, I’d sign one for your sister.”

  


“I like your music too, hyung.”

  


Yes, he was on hyung/dongsaeng terms with Kim Doyoung now. _Yeah._ Making friends at the wackiest possible situations. On the bright side, that could be seen as him improving his people skills, _right_?

  


“I mean, it was mostly because my sister wouldn’t shut up with your band and play the music for everyone to listen. But you’re really good. The concert was amazing,” He said with a sheepish snort, “I barely recognised you with that knife. I guess you really are deadly like she says. You’re her favourite, by the way. You and Jinyoung hyung.”

  


Jaebum’s smile faded a little at the mention of the man who’d broken his goddamn heart by calling his feelings a fickle boy-crush (he hadn’t used the word ‘fickle’, but Jaebum was angry now, also weirdly relaxed.  _Anyway_.)

  


“Don’t tell me you’re not really friends off cam,” Kim Doyoung said looking disappointed, “she says you’re her favourite relationship or whatever.”

  


“Oh no, we’re really friends off cam, don’t worry!” Jaebum assured bitterly, “We just had a little squabble and, uh, please don’t tell her that? I trust you but… she might share this shit with someone else and, well, being an idol is nice and all but – ” he opened his arms with pursed lips gesturing at the cameras, “ – your life is on CCTV and you can’t fucking mess up, because if you slip,” he paused and huffed, “there will always be someone around to step on your head and crush your skull.”

  


The boy looked at him blankly for a moment before the empathy shone on his face and he nodded.

  


“Yeah, I guess I understand that. I’m sorry for assuming shit wrongly. I’m tired and…” he sighed as he leant against the till, “I don’t have any fucking connections anywhere, my family’s broke and I can’t sing or dance or… hell, I don’t even have a pretty face to try to become an actor. I’m only good with technology and this type of stuff.” He confided and Jaebum, also leaning against the counter, nodded with a sigh.

  


“It’s tough for everyone, Doyoung ah.” He said, “Tell me your sister’s name, I’ll write her a note and sign it for her. She’s never been to a fansign, has she? How old is she?”

  


“Nah, we’re all unlucky back home.” He snorted, “She’s 15. I thought you didn’t want her to squeal to her friends about you being here.”

  


“You can just tell her I came in and stuff.” He said as the boy passed him a pen and a piece of paper he ripped from a small notebook that he fished from behind the till, “Also, I’ll keep your number. I’ll try to get you set up with JYP.”

  


The boy looked stunned.

  


“For real?”

  


“ _For real._ I’ll tell them you’re a friend and that you’re skilled with computers. About concert tickets and fansigns. Give me your address and I’ll post them to you along with albums with passes.”

  


“Shit, that’d be… my sister won’t believe it until she sees the albums and stuff… _really_?” He grabbed the note, which was mostly him thanking her brother and saying she was lucky to have such an amazing ‘oppa’ who goes to concerts with her. Then he added the generic feelgood words, telling her to eat well and study well because they’d be meeting real soon. Then he signed it and drew a heart.

  


“Really. Your number and address, please.” Jaebum requested and the boy wrote it down on the same notebook before passing the piece of paper over to Jaebum who was already pulling out the phone he’d just purchased and turning it on. He pulled out the sim card and the memory card from his zipper pocket and inserted them before setting up the device and typing down the number and the address.

  


“I’ll make sure not to lose this one.” He said as he put the written note in his new wallet along with his documents, “I’ll try my best to set you up.”

  


“I won’t keep my hopes up.” _Clerk Kim_ said with a small smile, “But I’ll be hoping anyway because that’s what people do, isn’t it?”

  


_Boy,_ if _that_ wasn’t _exactly_ what Jaebum felt about _many_ things. He wanted to hug the kid.

  


“You’re damn right about that. Can I offer you a hug too?”

  


“You’ve paid well for it,” the boy said chuckling looking kind of dazed, “I feel like thousands of fans would give a kidney to get this chance.”

  


He said that as he let Jaebum, who was not a cuddler or a fan of skinship, mind, give him a big tight squeeze before leaving the store with two massive bags full of objects he didn’t need.


	16. Chapter 16

It was past midnight and there were no signs of Jaebum at the Got7 dorms. Jinyoung had come back flustered and puffy and locked himself in his room without looking at anyone. Mark had been immediately alarmed and Yugyeom gave him a frightened look.

  


“Hyungie… I think that something bad happened…” The boy had said a couple hours back, when Jinyoung had arrived like that.

  


“I’m sure they’ll find a way to sort it out…” Mark said uncertainly, frowning to himself. He debated going to Jinyoung but ultimately decided against it. He knew it was best to leave him be for a while when he was furious. Sure enough, that had been the right decision when they started hearing stomping and the muted sounds of stuff falling on the floor a couple minutes later.

  


“Hyung…” Yugyeom pleaded, “Please call Jaebum hyung… I’m scared that something bad really happened…”

  


Mark agreed. "Yeah. Wait, I'll go get my phone in my room.”

  


As he walked in and picked up the nearly fully-charged electronic, though, he noticed that he had unread texts from his boyfriend and a missed call from him too.

 

 

**[NEW MESSAGE] Jackson Wang – (4)**

**[(1) MISSED CALL(S)]**

  


Mark tapped the notification and typed out a quick reply.

  


**Jackson Wang**

  


**Jackson Wang**

markeu

19:00

 

**Jackson Wang**

kinda bored, waiting for filming

can I call

19:00

  


**Jackson Wang**

markeu

19:03

  


**Jackson Wang**

[missed call]

19:01

Gaga, we’ll talk later

I think that shit hit the fan with jb and jy

19:17

  


Jackson didn’t reply but that was okay. He didn’t need him to reply immediately. Jaebum is priority. He tried ringing Jaebum on the way to the living room, but it said that the phone was off.

  


“I… I can’t reach him.” Mark confessed when he saw Yugyeom’s expecting look as he sat back on the couch with him. He tried again. The same thing happened. It went straight to voicemail.

  


“What if something bad happened to him?”

  


“Jinyoungie wouldn’t come home if it had,” Mark said, reasoning.

  


This time he was sure about it.

  


No matter how mad Jinyoung might have been at their leader for whatever he’d said – probably the wrong thing. Oh, how easy it was to say the wrong thing to Jinyoung when he was in _one of those moods_ – if something bad had happened to him, he wouldn’t have come home.

  


He’d have stayed with him and cried for him and carried him on his back to the nearest hospital if needed. Jinyoung was petty but he loved Jaebum. Mark suspected and so did Jackson, that it was as _way more_ than as just a friend (and both were convinced that their leader had been head over heels for Jinyoung for ages, so there was that too), so hell would freeze over before Park Jinyoung left Im Jaebum to die somewhere, no matter how pissed he might have been at him.

  


Yugyeom nodded, looking slightly less anxious after Mark’s certainty.

  


Jackson texted Mark a while later and they rushed to the phone thinking it would be Jaebum. It wasn’t disappointment, really, what they felt, it was more like anxiety.

  


**Jackson Wang**

  


**Jackson Wang**

Wtf wdym

What happened

21:01

Idk they left together

But jy came back alone

Crying and furious

Then locked himself in his room

And now seems to be trashing the room

21:01

  


**Jackson Wang**

…

Damn

Dont go near him yet

I kinda wanna call him but not really

He’ll know I know bc of u

We dont need him pissed at u too

Any ideas abt what narnia’s prince told him

21:02

  


“Narnia’s prince?” Yugyeom piped up from beside him, having been reading the texts over his shoulder. He then suddenly realised that it was kind of rude, “Oh no, sorry! I didn’t mean to pry, hyung!”

  


Mark smiled and ruffled the youngest's hair. “It’s fine, Gyeomie. It’s a joke.” He explained with a small half-hearted smiled, “You know how Narnia was accessed through a closet?”

  


Yugyeom jutted his lower lip concentrating. He was clearly not getting it.

  


“Forget it.” Mark said shaking his head as he typed his reply.

  


**Jackson Wang**

  


Probably what he should

But in the wrong way

That’s my hunch

21:05

**Jackson Wang**

Aish

Facetime now

I cant do this over text for the love of god

I leave for 5 damn minutes and this shit happens

21:05

  


Mark was so happy to see Jackson’s bare face pop up on his phone’s screen that he almost forgot about that household’s immediate problems.

  


“Hi, baby,” Jackson grinned.

  


He was sitting on his couch, Mark recognized it, and had just showered. And that _asshole_ was shirtless! Mark felt his face heat up and pursed his lips as he pointed the phone at Yugyeom who clearly didn’t mind his hyung’s nakedness and waved at him. Jackson squealed a little and waved back.

  


“Hi, _other_ baby.” Mark laughed at that one and forgave his boyfriend for his _indecent exposure_ in front of _the children_ , “So, what the hell is going on over there?”

  
  


That had been over three hours earlier.

  


In the meantime, Mark and Yugyeom had watched _Rebel Without a Cause_ , a classic Yugyeom had never watched and had the younger boy crying at the end. It gave them a theme for a bit of conversation, on how they related to some white people from the 50s and how tragic James Dean’s death had been and how ominous the whole film and his interviews were.

  


They watched two episodes of The Simpsons before Yugyeom said he was hungry, and Mark noticed that he was hungry too. The noise from Jinyoung’s room had stopped a while back and Jaebum was yet to be home. They’d successfully gotten distracted from their problems but now they were back full force.

  


“It’s past midnight, hyung…” Yugyeom said as he walked back from the kitchen with two bowls of cereal and some chips along with milk jug.

  


Mark didn’t respond as he busied himself with filling the bowls with milk and passed one to Yugyeom.

  


“Thanks…” they put the chips between them. Yes, that was a shit dinner, but they weren’t that hungry anymore now that the anxiety was back. Such was life.

  


“I’m sure he’s alright.” Mark said not sounding sure at all and feeling guilty about his lack of ability to hide his true emotions at a moment like that, “He can take care of himself.”

  


His mind was reeling with worst case scenarios, but the reasoning was still there. Jaebum was famous. The news would have gotten out right away if something had happened to him. And Mark’s trademark reasoning was right.

  


They were done with the cereal and halfway through another anxious The Simpsons episode when they heard the door being opened and their head turned back almost simultaneously. The relief they felt was so overwhelming that they couldn’t speak for a solid two seconds.

  


Yugyeom started whining loudly as he sprang off the couch and ran to their leader giving him the tightest hug Mark had ever seen him giving anyone. Jaebum dropped two clearly heavy bags he’d brought home to return the hug. He looked like he’d traveled from the countryside on foot from how big and weird those bags were. Mark stood up as well and went to hug him too when Yugyeom was done hugging the breath out of him.

  


“We were so worried, Jaebum ah!” Mark said when he got away from him and took a load of his face and his overall appearance. Also puffy and disheveled and looking flushed from effort but smiling a little. That wasn’t so bad.

  


_Probably?_

  


“Well, I’m alive and well! Sorry, I should have phoned you…” Jaebum said with breathy yet soft tone, “Got us a new blender and a brand-new electric kettle though!”

  


Mark was thrown off by that random piece of information. A blender and an electric kettle? They needed _neither_ of those things. They already had a coffee maker, and that’s all they needed, really.

  


“ _What_?”

  


Yugyeom, with his anxiety finally gone and clearly feeling light as a feather, was now rummaging into his bags and laughing at the contents. Pots, pans, plastic containers, loads of instanoodles, packs of assorted types of coffee, five different kinds of tea, a whole corkscrew, an electric fruit squeezer and a bunch of magazines and shitty romance novels.

  


“What is all this?” Yugyeom had sat on the floor laughing at the purchases. He’d even gotten cheap underwear, 7 packs of them, “One for each member?”

  


“Yep. Take your pick!” Jaebum chortled, “I want the ones with the broken hearts though.”

  


Mark couldn’t believe his ears as his mind reeled yet again as he imagined what could possibly have happened that evening with him and Jinyoung to have Jaebum want that particularly set of cheap underwear. What the hell could he have possibly said to make Jinyoung get that pissed? Why was he home so late?

  


And most importantly, _why did he have a broken heart and wanted underwear to match it_?

  


**Jackson Wang**

  


He’s home and he bought a bunch of kitchen appliances

There’s also cheap underwear

A pack for each member

He looks like he’s been through something

Help

00:43

  


**Jackson Wang**

I should be there

What color underwear

00:49

Assorted

Bright blue, bright red, yellow

One with butterflies

There’s one with bunnies

00:49

  


One with cats

for bam for sure

And jb called dibs on the ones with broken hearts

While laughing

00:50

  


**Jackson Wang**

 

Welp he needs his marbles back

But hey

I want the butterflies

Bc im the papillon lol

00:50

-_-

I question your priorities

But he’s back in one piece

And that’s what matters

00:50

**Jackson Wang**

That’s right

Also

00:50

  


Private facetime? ;)

00:51

… gaga

our leader has been missing for over 3 hours!

00:51

  


**Jackson Wang**

I dont hear a no ;)

00:52

…

Call me in five

00:52


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened with Jinyoung?

Jinyoung stormed into the dorms, blinded by the angry water flowing down his face and dashed to his room as fast as he legs allowed, not wanting to see or be seen by anyone.

  


His sobbed breathing had him almost choking a couple times during his whole walk home from the park, and once he reached the safety of his home, the tell-tale hot prickling behind his eyelids made his face become the lost twin of the river he’d just fled from. Straight up ignoring and hiding from Mark and Yugyeom, Jinyoung stormed past them into his room and slammed the door shut before locking it loudly, slumping against it with a heaving chest.

  


He didn’t know what to do.

  


He didn’t know what to even _think_ or _feel._

  


His room felt foreign to him even though he knew it and everything in it like the back of his hand. He let himself slide down the door and sit on the floor covering his face with angry, trembling, disturbed fingers.

  


Were those even his fingers?

  


His whole body felt numb from the strain and from the overwhelming cocktail of feelings. It tasted like fury, sadness, sorrow, rage, and something else entirely which was probably the flavour of those dangerous emotions combined.

  


He wasn’t used to it.

  


He’d never really felt such a complicated amount of negative emotions at once and he wasn’t thinking. He hadn’t been thinking from the moment Jaebum had said he didn’t want him to return his goddamn feelings. His emotions had taken over and fallen on him like scorching embers. The smoke had clouded his mind and anger, the most powerful of all emotions, the one that surfaces even among a thousand others, had taken over.

 

Jinyoung wasn’t used to it, to anger, to that _particular amount_ of anger, that overwhelming _rage_ and _furious need for violence_.

  


He wasn’t wrong though.

  


Not at that moment. _No._ He wasn’t. _He was right._ His judgment had been the right one and he fed it well by overthinking and replaying that evening in his mind until he felt like he would combust for real if he didn’t do something to tone it down. Just his luck, wasn’t it? The crush of his life, no, scratch that, the love of his _damn_ life, finally confessing to him, telling him word for word that he also had feelings for him, but deciding that Jinyoung’s feelings didn’t matter because _he’s a man_ and it was _just too much of a hassle._

  


A sudden burst of energy made Jinyoung stand up.

  


He wanted to _scream_. He wanted to scream and preferably _punch_ something… but he couldn’t hurt himself or his brothers who had nothing to do with that, now, could he? He would also be bothering the bloody neighbours and they couldn’t have that. Jinyoung got up from the floor and his eyes blindly darted around the room and he started pulling off things, objects, inanimate congregations of atoms, from his shelves and throwing them on the floor.

  


The thudding of his books against the floor had an incredible calming effect but still, he was gritting his teeth as he kept pulling out book after book from his shelves and tossing them on the floor. He didn’t rip or damage any of his belongings, though.

  


Not on purpose at least.

  


The crashing of the ugly porcelain bear BamBam had gotten from some flea market and given him a couple months back startled him. He’d tugged fiercely at his bed linen and yanked it off the bed, accidentally knocking over the lamp and the bear with his pillows. The lamp was plastic, so it was fine, but the bear was broken beyond repair.

  


He took a deep breath and looked round at the mess he’d made. That looked like a warzone, a very tame one, because he hadn’t broken anything (aside from the bear but reasoning a little… _good riddance._

  


(It’d scared Jinyoung more than once in the middle of the night when he’d turned on the lamp to go get some water or pee. He’d almost peed his pants once.

  


_Really_ , that bear was better off gone and shattered into a million pieces.)

  


Jinyoung thought about gathering the pieces to bin them later but the state of his room threw him off that task (and thankfully so, because worked up like that, he would have ended up cutting his hands on the shards or something).

  


He sat heavily on the bare mattress and rubbed his face with both hands, sighing heavily. He’d literally just messed up his whole room. All his books and paper stacks were on the floor along with his bed linen and half his wardrobe _– yes_ , because he’d started pulling out his clothes from the closet and his drawers as if he was looking for something. Maybe his inner peace – and the shattered bear.

  


He huffed and ruffled his mussed hair as he got up from the mattress and started tidying up the mess – if one could call gathering all the mess and shoving stuff to the corner as _tidying up,_ anyway – as he felt the fury slowly ebb away and be replaced with the shattered heart underneath.

  


It really was just a boy-crush, wasn’t it? Jaebum would get over it in the blink of an eye, wouldn’t he? He’s been holding out, hoping for nothing, hasn’t he?

  


He finished quietly “tidying up” his room as sad and angry, yet tameable thoughts, filled his mind, and remade his bed before getting off his day clothes and folding them on his desk’s chair’s back and getting into his pyjamas. He lied sideways on the bed and scoffed at the shattered bear he hadn’t touched.

  


“I’m worse for wear than you.” He mumbled before rubbing his wet eyes on his pillow. He knew he should go eat or something, but he just didn’t feel like it. He also didn’t feel like seeing anyone even if that could potentially help. He put his phone on silent, pulled the covers of the bed back and then hid under them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is pretty short so I might update again on monday.


	18. Chapter 18

A blaring, annoyingly loud noise yanked Jinyoung out of the sweet, sweet embrace of sleep. He tried to ignore the alarm, the alluring lull of sleep slowly dragging him back into the depths of comfortable oblivion, but his mind was already wide awake. Groaning, he forced himself up and felt around for his phone, finding the offending piece of electronic junk and promptly turning the alarm off, before falling back asleep.

  


It took him ten whole minutes before he could finally wake up properly; lazily unlocking his phone and staring at the numbers and notifications glaring back at him.

  


09:10 KST

[NEW MESSAGES] JB hyung – (1)

[NEW MESSAGES] Sseunie – (7)

[NEW MESSAGES] Sooyoung noona – (2)

  


Jinyoung squinted at the screen, recognizing that he had approximately 50 minutes to get ready, and wondering why his sister had left him a text. He knew that Jackson probably contacted him because someone – most likely Mark – had ratted him out about the previous night and, well, he couldn’t care less what JB – that _asshole_ – had to say.

  


He decided to check his sister’s text first.

**Sooyoung noona**

_New Message(s) – 2_

  


**Sooyoung noona**

Are you free next week Saturday?

Grandma misses you

07:00

  


I don’t think I can. I have a script reading the whole day. Tell her I said I’m sorry and that I miss her too.

09:12

  


Jinyoung then clicked Jackson’s message notification.

  


**Sseunie**

_New Message(s) – 7_

  


**Sseunie**

What hppened w you and hyung?

Mark told me u came back angry

Hyung also came back angry

With two whole plastic bags of new kitchen appliances none of us need

N fcking assorted undies

Spill bitch

00:50

Hold the attitude, bitch, I’ll tell you when I see you

09:14

  


And lastly, Jinyoung held his breath, his thumb hovering a few seconds before he finally gathered his courage and pressed on the message notification from Jaebum.

  


**JB hyung**

_New Message(s) – 1_

  


**JB hyung**

Jinyoung, I know you hate me and you have all the right to. I’m asking this as the leader

of Got7. Please don’t let it show in front of the cameras today. Fans value our relationship.

Please don’t show animosity in front of the maknae line, either. That’s all I ask. See you

at the fansign.

01:12

  


Jinyoung stared at the message.

  


_What._

  


Mind reeling, Jinyoung re-read the message again, hoping he had misread a thing or two. Maybe he had missed something. But as he read the short message for the sixth time, realization dawned on him. He hadn’t misread anything.

  


There was no apology.

  


There was no explanation.

  


There was _nothing_ that clarified _anything_.

  


The message was simply Jaebum acknowledging Jinyoung’s “ _hate_ ” towards him – the nerve! – _accepting it_ – Jinyoung was already hissing at that point – asking him to tone it down in front of the cameras – oh, what a _fabulously amazing_ and _careful leader_ he was! – without asking Jinyoung anything at all. No request for clarification, no interest for Jinyoung’s side of the story; _nothing_.

  


Seething, Jinyoung took a screenshot of the chat and made a groupchat consisting of him, Mark and Jackson.

  


**Markeu, Sseunie, you (3)**

  


Look what he sent me

[screenshot1142579.jpg]

09:22

**Sseunie**

I get off the plane and am greeted with this

Nice, nyoung.

09:24

  


**Markeu**

lmao jacks I just finished shower

also

I think jb is being p reasonable

he’s just saying it wrong

09:24

  


why does he always say stuff the wrong way

09:25

What do you mean reasonable??

He just goes off making conclusions of his own!

09:25

**Markeu**

just take a shower and come out for breakfast

I made spaghetti

we can cuddle in the car

09:26

No thanks

09:26

**Markeu**

??????

09:26

You cuddled with hyung.

09:26

**Markeu**

:(

I’m sorry

09:26

  


yr still mad at me for that?

09:27

  


…. yes

09:27

**Markeu**

:(

:(

:(

09:27

  


:(

:(

09:28

Hyung, stop

09:28

**Markeu**

forgive me then

and come down and eat my spaghetti

pls :(

09:28

  


**Sseunie**

wait wtf mark

you cuddled w hyung??

shush park you jump to conclusions too

09:30

  


also sorry just got in the van

09:31

:)))))))

09:31

**Markeu**

:((((

09:31

  


**Sseunie**

suspicious

anw

back to the case at hand

jb is ridiculous when it comes to feelings

everyone knows that

you know that better than anyone, too, nyoung

09:32

  


**Markeu**

I wonder how he manages to write love lyrics

09:32

  


**Sseunie**

probs copying it off of rom-coms

lol

09:32

Why am I friends with you guys

Bottom line, JB hyung is an ass

09:32

  


and I'm done trying and doing shit for him

He better meet me halfway

09:33

**Markeu**

???? what

09:33

  


**Sseunie**

yes yes i’ll talk to him later

i’ll be reaching the venue in 2 hours I think

09:34

  


**Markeu**

ok, get some shut eye while you can jacks

 _@GOT7_Jinyoung_  take a shower and come eat

please :(

09:34

Ok hyung

I’ll need a dustpan and a broom btw

Also a bin bag

 

09:34

**Markeu**

k

what did u break tho

9:35

That ugly ass bear Bb gave me

9:35

**Markeu**

lmao

that scary thing?

Bam is gonna be upset tho lol

9:36

Lol idc

That fucking thing almost gave me a heart attack

More than once

9:37

**Sseunie**

jinyoung shudnt you be in the shower

9:37

o fuck ur right

9:37

  


Feelings were stupid ass things that made no sense whatsoever.  _Why the fuck_ did he, Park Jinyoung, not feel his feelings for dumbass Im Jaebum fading _in the slightest_ after having his heart broken by him the previous night? Damn Jaebum and his _stupid_ text and his _stupid_ “reasonable leader” attitude and his _stupid_ face and his infuriating existence and…and… and everything he stands for!

 

Now, Jinyoung only had approximately twenty minutes to get ready.

  


Stupid Jaebum.

  


  



	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some Markson fluff. before shit goes down.

Lounging backstage, Jinyoung was busy texting with his sister when a body suddenly dropped itself beside him and the heavy feel of a head deposited itself on his shoulder right after. The tell-tale scent of Mark’s shampoo invaded his senses and Jinyoung reached up to pat the older’s cheek.

 

“What’s wrong hyung?”

 

A phone screen is shoved in front of his face.

 

**Jackson Wang**

 

**Jackson Wang**

I passed out in the car

and I’m burning up

Xinhua jie and Byungyong hyung wont

let me attend the fansign

11:13

 

And as if on cue, Jaebum suddenly walked inside the room with Ilhwa hyung, their event manager. Jinyoung could clearly see the leader trying to conceal his worry behind a blank face, and he suddenly found himself wondering why he wanted to get up and wrap his arms around Jaebum’s warm body.

 

_You’re obviously whipped, you idiot. Stop feeling that!_

 

“Okay, guys, uh bad news,” Ilhwa spoke up, clapping his hands to gain the attention of the boys, “Jackson can’t make it today. I just got word from Shinhwa-ssi, he’s been burning up since the flight from Hong Kong, and it got worse when he arrived in Incheon. So, his staff are taking him to the doctor right now, but you guys can see him back home.”

 

“Is he okay, though?” Youngjae piped up from his sofa in the corner, and Jaebum flashed him a smile.

 

“I’m sure he is. He’d have told us if he weren’t,” the leader spoke up confidently, “We just gotta assure the fans that Jackson’s absence isn’t due to something fatal, and make sure the Jackson stans aren’t too sad, okay guys?”

 

Jaebum’s charisma was overwhelming. Why bother trying to lie to himself at that point, really? That reassuring smile had Jinyoung’s heart racing and he actually hated himself for it. Scoffing at his _weakness_ , Jinyoung turned to lean more into Mark’s side, head on top of his hyung’s. If Jackson couldn’t be there for support, he might as well make use of the eldest.

 

Moon Ilhwa then summoned the attention of the boys back on him, clapping once again and announcing the general rundown. The boys just nodded and parroted after the middle-aged man, already used to this routine anyway. It wasn’t any different from any of their other fansigns, and if there are any changes, all they had to do is follow Jaebum’s lead.

 

 

When the fansign finally started, the fans were bummed to know that Jackson wasn’t coming.

 

An official statement was issued saying that he’d suddenly fallen ill and had been admitted to an hospital to make sure everything was alright. It was fine. Stuff like that happened all the time.

 

Mark smiled a little as he imagined Jackson’s phone pouring with notes and votes of a fast recovery. Mark himself was a little worried – hell, that’s _his boyfriend_ they were talking about – but he expected it to be just a cold or something ( _genius_ Jackson, knowing he was coming down with something had sat down shirtless in his flat the previous night. It didn’t matter that the flat had heating and was fancy. That was never a good idea when you’re coming down with a cold).

 

Mark was more concerned about Jinyoung and Jaebum who’d sat together. Or rather, _had been_ sat together. He’d expected to see Jinyoung fuming but he was so composed it was almost scary to look at. He was smiling as if nothing had happened, as if he’d love nothing more at that moment than to be touching knees with Jaebum.

 

That’s why he was getting casted to star in shows. His acting skills were out of this world.

 

Jaebum was also looking normal. He was smiling and being gentle and kind in his own dorky awkward way and, really, nobody noticed.

 

Mark was also working hard on keeping it cool and collected but he could have sworn he smelt the smell of sulphur when the fanservice-y bits started. The fans started urging JJP to do Assorted Fanservice Things and Mark watched with bated breath as they repeatedly refused to do it.

 

The reluctance was normal, actually.

 

What _wasn’t_ normal was them refusing it completely and absolutely _not_ doing it. If anything, Jaebum would always be down to do some fanservice, albeit reluctant and in fear of his life, while Jinyoung would be the first in line to tease their leader to his knees. That’s when the younger boys started catching on that something was wrong and looked at him for support.

 

Mark gave a curt nod and smiled in what he tried to make look like a reassuring small smile. The young ones kept their cool and brushed it off, so he must have done something right (Mark suspected that Bambam hadn’t even noticed, immersed as he was in showing pictures of his cats to a fan).

 

That fansign felt like it’d lasted for a lifetime and even though Mark managed to be sweet and kind to his members and the fans, despite his nerves, and provide some quality banter for their fans along with a bit of wholesome fanservice with Jinyoung since _“_ JJP aren’t in the mood for any love” as quoted by Bambam – the cheeky little shit – he felt like he’d been there for hours.

 

**Jackson Wang**

_New Message(s)_ – 5

 

**Jackson Wang**

Got checked by the doc

It is the ever so deadly

Common cold lol

Got prescribed some cold meds

And cough syrup that probably tastes like shit

16:12

 

fansign is over

I feel so drained

glad its just a cold btw

I wanna catch ur cold and lie in bed for a day

17:14

 

**Jackson Wang**

O damn

what hppned

17:16

 

nothing

nut they refused fanservice

completely shut it down and did ntohing

had to step in and turn jjp into markjin

u at home or the house?

17:16

 

**Jackson Wang**

House

jiejie wouldn’t let me be anywhere alone lol

also u srs?

17:16

 

did fans notice anything?

17:17

 

no

jinyoung’s acting skills are scary lol

oh good we’ll be home soon

17:17

 

**Jackson Wang**

Yay :D

Come catch my germs, handsome ;)

17:17

 

lmao

ur disgusting

17:17

**Jackson Wang**

But u wuv mi :D

17:18

true that lol

17:18

 

**Jackson Wang**

Im waiting in ur room

Dont feel like being alone in mine

17:18

 

sure

I’ll be home soon

17:18

 

**Jackson Wang**

waiting :*

17:19

 

u look sick even in the dark

wow

why is it so dark

17:19

 

**Jackson Wang**

The light kinda hurts my eyes

17:20

 

that bad?

I think ur common cold isnt rly common

Still burning up?

12:03

 

**Jackson Wang**

Yea

12:03

 

But it’s not just me

My heart’s too

Burning up from all the love I have for you

12:04

 

 

lmao what

wtf

12:04

 

**Jackson Wang**

lol

y do u love me agan

12:05

 

no idea haha

12:05

 

**Jackson Wang**

:(

Oh I see how it is Tuan

:’(

12:05

 

hahaha Im sorry

you know I love you

are ur meds making u high or smth?

ur not usually like this

12:06

**Jackson Wang**

Babe, this may be da meds makn the sap come out

12:06

 

But the sap is there

U cant pull out sth that aint there even with meds

12:07

haha

go to sleep, gaga

rest well

i’ll be home soon

12:07

**Jackson Wang**

k.

Ily, boyfriend <3

12:07

u rly went there

ah haha

I love u too

boyfriend

<3

12:08

 

But unlike the lovey-dovey texting going on in Mark’s hands, the rest of the van felt tense.

 

Bambam was chatting casually with Youngjae, who had been stealing glances at JJP for a while, and Yugyeom was playing something on his phone from how focused he looked and definitely trying to ignore the tension.

 

Jaebum and Jinyoung were sitting as far away from each other as possible. Jinyoung was squeezed by the window beside Youngjae, and Jaebum had taken shotgun. Both were absolutely quiet and not moving.

 

Mark sighed as he pocketed his phone and looked out the window at the cloudy weather. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket soon after and pulled it back out.

 

**Tuan Yugyeom**

_New Message(s)_ – 2

 

 **Tuan Yugyeom**  
Hyungie, did you talk to them..

It feels like a parents fight. :’(

12:10

 

Mark glanced at their youngest who was also looking at him with a sad look on his eyes. Mark wanted to hug him and tell him it’d be alright, but he couldn’t say it aloud. He pursed his lips and typed back his reply before smiling at him.

 

dont worry gyeomie

they’ll sort it out

they always do :)

12:11

 

He saw Yugyeom return his smile a little and go back to his game before looking out the window again.

 

His issues with Jackson that had lasted for a whole damn eternity too, almost felt like a walk in the park when compared to this whole mess. At least Mark and Jackson both knew they were queer the whole time, and despite their labelling troubles, were still dating despite it not being official back then. They knew their problems and talked it out, unlike these two who didn’t even know where they stood.

 

He pressed his forehead against the cool glass of the window and sighed seeing his breath fog it up before drawing a sloppy heart with his pinkie finger.

 

Maybe it’d bring luck. He scoffed. It was dumb, but he didn’t rub the art from the glass with the back of his hand before leaning back against the seat again and closing his eyes.

 

It’d all be fine.

 

Eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should I update on monday? :p


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops.

The boys filed into the house in an orderly fashion, which was an amazing feat, if Jinyoung had to say it himself. Maybe it had something to do with the hour of the day, or with the amazing tension surrounding them, but anything that could get them to behave was a blessing in itself, no matter what it was.

 

Stumbling in last after Yugyeom and closing the door behind him, Jinyoung toed off his shoes and stood there for a second, watching as everyone immediately filed out into their respective rooms. Youngjae had tagged along – he said something about his brother picking him up later – and followed Mark over to his room to go check on Jackson. Yugyeom followed Bambam into the Thai boy’s old room, where they kept all the games, and Jaebum immediately went off to his room without a single word. Maybe he was tired.

  


_Keep lying to yourself, Park Jinyoung. You know you caused this._

  


Exhaling, Jinyoung decided to get a glass of water from the kitchen first, downing the first two glasses before filling up the third and bringing it up to his room, passing by a Youngjae who had just exited Mark’s room and on his way to enter Bambam’s. Muffled cheering could be heard from inside and Jinyoung found himself smiling as he continued the silent trek to his room. Things were bad with Jaebum hyung, sure. But he couldn’t let it get in the way of everything, now, could he? He still had Got7, he still had the kids, he still had his two – now dating – best friends, too. The world wasn’t ending. Jaebum rejecting him wasn’t a big deal.

  


Well, okay, actually _it was_ but he’d get over it.

  


Eventually.

  


Jinyoung would get over it, learn to really accept Jaebum’s decision, and just move on.

  


_Eventually_.

  


That’s what any adult would do, right? Jinyoung didn’t have to like it, but he had to accept Jaebum’s decisions, especially, if he claimed he loved him. But then again, everything sounded easier in theory. Jinyoung wasn’t sure he could do it, or even wanted to, but how long should this continue? Mark and Jackson are right; Jaebum is shit at voicing out his feelings, and Jinyoung should be the one that understands him the most. He should be helping the older sort himself out and communicate with him instead of… Well, being like this.

  


Jinyoung reached his room and sighed, staring at the door. Maybe he should approach Jaebum tomorrow after practice. Take him out, maybe dinner? He turned the door handle and stepped inside, sighing at the mess. He’s such a child, wrecking his own room just because of his selfishness. Since when has any of Jaebum’s decisions been a bad one, anyway? He’s an excellent leader, and Jinyoung should really put more trust in –

  


“OW – AGH!”

  


A sharp pain shot through Jinyoung’s foot the second he stepped into his room, causing him to lose balance and fall backwards onto his butt and drop the glass in his hand, shattering on to the hardwood floor loudly. _Fuck._

  


Assessing the floor for his source of pain – and ignoring the blood because, _oh God that was his, wasn’t it?_ – Jinyoung’s eyes landed on to the shards of the destroyed porcelain bear that he had wrecked the night before and had completely forgotten to bin in the morning because he’d been running late.

  


_Oh fuck._ _This is karma standing up for Bambam, isn’t it?_

  


“Jinyoung?!”

  


A voice calling out in panic, soon followed by a stampede of hurried footsteps, snapped the man on the floor out of his thoughts. All of the Got7 members, including sick Jackson looking quite panicked even in his sick state, and they were gathered in front of his bedroom’s door, frozen as they took in the chaotic sight.

  


There Jinyoung was on the floor with a bleeding foot, most likely from stepping on the shards of white ceramic – or was it porcelain? – near it. Another set of transparent shards – another glass gone –, were lying in a pool of clear water near his hand. His room looked like a blizzard had gone through it. A pile of books, lamps, an upturned chair, clothes, and whatnot, were all just shoved aside with enough room for someone to walk through the mess without stepping on anything –

  


Well, except the shards that apparently caused Jinyoung to scream in pain and start bleeding from his foot. Which happened to be the foot of a dancer.

  


_A foot he danced on._

  


_Karma, you piece of shit, fucking_ bitch.

  


“Rongie, what – ” Jaebum began, but he was promptly cut off by Youngjae and Mark who crouched down and helped Jinyoung up to get him sat on the bed trying to avoid stepping on the shards scattered all over the floor.

  


“What the hell happened?” Youngjae asked, getting his arm from around Jinyoung’s waist as Mark crouched down to examine Jinyoung’s foot. Jackson was leaning against the door and shaking his head slightly.

  


“I thought you’d cleaned that up this morning,” Mark commented, offhandedly at first, with Jinyoung’s foot still in his hand, completely disregarding the other member’s confused stares. His concern started rising as he looked at the damage, “I think you have some shards stuck in here, I’ll have to get them out.”

  


“Cleaned _what_ up? What is that? What’s going _on_?” Bambam then asked, frustration clear in his voice, and Mark stood up with a sigh. He gave Jinyoung a pointed look, ordering him with a glare to explain the situation, and Jinyoung relented.

  


“Those,” he pointed at the bloodied shards, “are the remnants of the porcelain bear you got me for my birthday.”

  


The look on Bambam’s face was a second of pure confusion that quickly turned into horror. “My _what_ – ? How did you _break_ it? They said it was a _lucky_ bear!”

  


“ _Yeah, clearly lucky,”_ Jinyoung said sarcastically, his face contorting in pain as Mark crouched down again and pulled out the shards carefully with the tips of his fingers. Three of them in total.

  


“Lucky while _intact_!” BamBam clarified lost between feeling upset and concerned, “Oh dear, what if there was something trapped inside, and you made it angry!?”

  


“Cut that out, Bam, really,” Yugyeom said softly, putting a hand on his forearm, “Now’s not the time to say that kind of thing.”

  


“When is it the time then!?” Bambam said raising his voice, “I need to look up how to appease angry spirits. This could be serious!” Jackson snorted a little as he saw Bambam pull his phone out of his pocket to do what he’d just said he’d do. He was clearly a man with priorities.

  


“Well, Nyoung….?” Jackson said, his voice harsher than usual and his arms folded across his chest. Jinyoung looked up at him and then back down, his eyebrows tightly knitted together. Jackson’s eyes were half-lidded and clearly about to stoop over headfirst onto the floor, but he was a man of resolve, so he urged Jinyoung to go on, despite his foot’s miserable state.

  


“Why is your room a mess, my brother?” the Hong Kong native emphasized.

  


All six members’ eyes then turned to said brother for an explanation, but Jinyoung just pursed his lips and stayed silent. As petty as it may sound, he wasn’t about to confess to the guys that he had thrown a stupid tantrum in his room because of Jaebum’s rejection. He had his pride, as the Got7 mom, as a hyung.

  


_As Park fucking Jinyoung_.

  


He had a reputation to uphold, especially in front of Jaebum.

  


However, the eldest member of Got7 was clearly very much done with all his bullshit.

  


“ _This_ ,” Mark spoke up, gesturing to the mess that is Jinyoung’s room, “Is the result of Jinyong trashing his room last night.” He said that while looking at Jinyoung’s face as he put the shards away, glare pointed and sarcastic.

  


“Of his _what_ now?” It was Youngjae’s turn to gape at him and speak up. Jinyoung could feel his face heat up. He wanted to crawl under the bed and out of sight. He knows how stupid this is, how stupid he’s been, how stupid everything is, and he knows it’s all because of him. He could almost hear the maknae line had for him shattering like the cursed bear and the glass.

  


“Yeah, we, uh, we heard it,” Yugyeom spoke up, “He came home yesterday and just rushed past us to his room and – ” he made the mistake of making eye contact with Jinyoung’s glare, “– slammed … the … door…” and trailing off under the intensity of it. He looked at his own feet.

  


“Someone go get the first aid kit from the bathroom,” Mark requested, “And a broom and dustpan too… ah, the bin bag is with them. I left it on the kitchen table.”

  


Yugyeom quickly ran out of the room and returned a minute later with the red bag of the first aid kit and the broom and dustpan. Youngjae helped him get rid of the remnants of the potentially cursed bear and the shards of glass and they stuffed them in the bag carefully before tightly closing it.

  


Mark wasn’t an expert at tending wounds, but he had careful fingers. He grabbed a wad of gauze from it and soaked the blood until it stopped bleeding. No matter how careful he was, though, Jinyoung still shut his eyes and clenched his jaw, banging his fist on a pillow, when he rubbed the peroxide on his wounds before rubbing some iodine on them. The younger boys winced at the sight but remained quiet. Mark then lifted Jinyoung’s foot to check the depth of the wounds. Not too deep but still dangerously deep. Fantastic. Just what they needed.

  
  


Jackson was leaning all of his weight on the door and Mark, having pulled out the shards on Jinyong’s foot and getting the wound covered with gauze and plasters, was quick enough to notice that and hold on to his other patient to prevent him from falling. Jackson loosely put his arm around the older’s waist, opting to backhug the American, and let his head fall onto his shoulder.

  


Got7 exchanged glances waiting for the bravest one to go and say something concerning the really fucking big problem at hand. However, everything tapered off into an uncomfortable silence, and everyone was left looking awkwardly at each other, waiting for salvation as Jinyoung looked at the covered wounds and wanted to be left alone to cry and cradle his foot like a wounded animal in the woods.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinyoung finally gets his head out of his ass a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Thursday was a national holiday, my dudes, and I update using my work laptop, which I leave at the office every day, so.. Yeah.  
> I might update tomorrow to make up for it who knows. Who wants to see Jinyoung get scolded? :D

Jinyoung was sitting on his bed with his foot on his thigh and the whole team was silent.

  


Mark Tuan, officially the eldest member, was ready to take one for the team, since Jaebum and Jinyoung were having some sort of yet to be explained bout, but Jaebum was still the leader. He was also very good at being a leader. The one thing he wasn’t very good at was expressing his feelings in the right order or with the right words.

  


He’d been quiet ever since he’d stormed into the room in panic after hearing Jinyoung scream in pain and in Mark’s opinion (and Jackson’s too, but he was half-asleep in Mark’s arms) it’d have been better if he’d just stayed quiet.

  


“We need to warn the managers,” the leader said quietly, evenly, “and someone needs to get Jinyoung to a hospital. That may need stitches and, and probably a tetanus shot.”

  


His members looked at him. Youngjae and Yugyeom seemed to agree that it was the reasonable thing to do but Mark noticed the change in Jinyoung’s face and he would have facepalmed had his arms not been full with Jackson. Bambam was still busy looking up how to get rid of angry entities trapped in porcelain bears.

  


“Why can’t _you_ take me?” Jinyoung suddenly piped up, glaring softly up at Jaebum. Just with that, the tension in the room came back in full force and Jaebum was caught off guard by the ice in the younger’s voice. He shivered visibly and so did Yugyeom. He scooted closer to Youngjae who was gaping at his hyungs completely lost. He let Yugyeom hold his hand and tightened the grip on it. “And why are you talking about me like I’m not here?” he continued, knowing how petulant he sounded, “ _Someone_ needs to take _Jinyoung_ to the hospital, and you just can’t be bothered?”

  


Mark saw Jaebum’s jaw clench and his back rise, but Jinyoung wasn’t done chewing him out yet. “The maknae line don’t even have their own cars, or a driver’s license yet,” he said and glanced at Mark and Jackson before fixing his glare on their leader, “Oh, but Mark hyung might be able to take me because _his sick boyfriend_ doesn’t need his care at all, _does he_?”

  


Silence.

  


Mark wanted to tell Jaebum to just don’t respond because Jinyoung is probably irritated by the pain shooting up from his foot and just acting up but Jaebum obviously just had to open his mouth because the entire universe was conspiring against the American’s patience.

  


“I didn’t mean it like that,” Jaebum said urgently, not knowing what to do with his hands and bringing them up to his head and pulling his hair back. His jaw was still clenched and it was obvious what emotion the leader is feeling right at the moment.  _Despair._ Mark saw it. Everyone in the room saw it. However, Jinyoung still soldiered on despite it all, and Jackson’s rubbing at his tummy couldn’t do much to soothe Mark’s annoyance.

  


“I just meant that someone should take you to the hospital, doesn’t _have_ to be the kids, I know hyung needs to take care of Jackson! It could be anyone, one of the managers, it could be me, why are we even – ”

  


“So, you want to wake up one of our managers and wait for them to drive all the way here to pick me up and _then_ go to the hospital, for them to just drive me back here again?”

  


“What, no! Jinyoung, be reasonable –”

  


“Right,” Jinyoung scoffed and raising his eyebrows, “I see your reasoning alright.”

  


Jaebum took a breath in an attempt to calm himself down. “Okay, yes, I’ll take you – ”

  


“Then why didn’t you say that in the first place?” Jinyoung snapped and banged his fist on the pillow again.

  


“I would have if you’d have let me finish talking!” Jaebum replied with as much heat as Jinyoung is now, clearly fed up with the situation. “I have the group to think about, too, you’re not my only concern! How are you going to perform with a foot like that?”

  


“How I am going to dance is _my_ problem!”

  


The boys were all just looking back and forth between the two at this point.

  


“No, it’s _our_ problem! It’s _our_ problem because we’re a fucking _team_ and _I_ am your fucking _team leader_!” Jaebum raised his voice sternly, clenching his fists, “Stop fucking thinking about yourself, there are other things at stake here, Jirongie!”

  


“Excuse me?” Jinyoung said heatedly, refusing to back down, although fully aware of how ridiculous he sounded. This has been dragged on for way too long, but his pride is preventing him to stop. “Don’t you dare act as if you’re the only one who kept this group afloat!” he spat out bitterly, “I was the one who kept the kids in line when you weren’t there, I was the one who nursed you back to health all this time, and, and made sure you ate even when you’re holed up in the studio! You don’t even notice when I have a bad day!” He seemed almost satisfied seeing the look of pure confusion and shock plastered all over Jaebum’s face.

  


“What are you even _talking_ about?! I – ”

  


“ENOUGH!”

  


Mark was the one to _actually_ raise his voice and everyone looked at him, suddenly silent. Jinyoung’s anger seemed to be magically toned down as Jaebum’s horror was replaced with surprise.

  


Mark had just yelled.

  


Mark Tuan, the man famed for having the patience of a thousand Buddhas had just very much _bellowed_ loud enough for it to be heard on the ground floor. Nobody could remember the last time Mark had yelled. Jackson visibly pulled the man back against his chest, his strong arms secure around the seething older’s waist and chest.

  


The room was washed in a silent so thick, it felt like it could be grabbed and felt with one’s hand.

  


“I have a sick boyfriend to take care of and we have a schedule tomorrow.” Mark continued sternly, staring them down, “Grow the fuck up, Jinyoung _._ You hold your tongue until your emotions are in check –” he pointed at Jinyoung who bit his lower lip and looked at his wounded foot, “ – and _you_ – ” he pointed at Jaebum and sighed deeply, “ – do your job as a leader. Good _night_.”

  


And with that, Mark ripped himself away from Jackson’s embrace, walking off to his room with Jackson following after him, but not before he could shoot a look at Jinyoung. The three youngest members were left in the room, glancing warily at each other. Even Bambam had stopped scrolling through his phone to assess the situation.

 

Awkward silence filled the room.

  


“I think you guys should go to sleep,” Jinyoung mumbled, still staring at his toes, ashamed into the next dimension. He’d made Mark yell and behaved like an angsty teenager. He had been a bad example for the kids and that was the last thing he had ever wanted. “We still have a schedule for tomorrow. I’ll be okay.”

  


The three youngest looked at each other again, waiting for someone to make the first move. The slight plea to leave was evident in Jinyoung’s voice, and it wasn’t as if the boys didn’t want to get out of the awkward situation as fast as possible. They just didn’t want to risk setting off another argument between the two parent figures of the group. The three looked at Jaebum.

  


Sensing the hesitance, Jaebum sighed. “Just go to sleep, guys, I’ll take care of this.”

  


Jinyoung opened his mouth at that, seemingly wanting to protest, but stopped himself as he remembered Mark’s words. He just nodded at Yugyeom, who had been eyeing him since their eldest yelled at them and flashed a soft smile.

  


“Go rest, guys,” Jinyoung said softly, giving a reassuring look to both Bambam and Youngjae too. The three boys nodded jerkily and shuffled after each other out of the room.

  


A long, awkward silence filled the room.

  


Jinyoung had gotten back to staring at his toes and fiddling with them, a sullen look on his face, leaving the leader to stand there and regret his own overall existence. He was the epitome of Shit when it came to his own feelings, and he was even More Shit when he had to voice them out. Still, he had to make this right, _somehow._ His heart was hammering against his ribs and he wanted to throw himself out the window, but Mark’s words were with him and so was his broken heart and the feelings in it that hadn’t gone anywhere.

  


If anything, and if the previous night’s incident was anything to go by, he’d realised that he’d do anything to have Jinyoung _at least_ understand that his feelings weren’t a _fickle boy-crush_.

  


Jaebum licked his lips before pursing them and looking down before closing his eyes and rubbing his face with his hand.

  


“Jinyoungie.”

  


Silence.

  


“Jinyoung. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” he trailed off as his lower lip started trembling. What was he supposed to say, though? Acknowledging his inability for speaking out his emotions didn’t mean magically become a master of Oratory and Voicing Emotions in a coherent and clear way. He had no idea what to say, and even if he did, he wasn’t sure if what came out of his mouth wouldn’t just rile up Jinyoung even more and make him roundhouse kick him in the face with the wounded foot.

  


“I’m gonna call the managers,” he declared instead, and he swore he could hear the younger softly sigh. He pulled out his phone from his pocket, blindly scrolling to the number as his eyes were trained on Jinyoung’s hunched body. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him, carry him to Mark hyung’s car and drive him off to the hospital himself, and maybe call the managers while he waited for the doctors to check on Jinyoung but that wasn’t the reasonable thing to do.

  


He knew, for one, that Jinyoung would most likely maim the shit out of him too, if he even laid a single finger on him. Well, getting physically maimed wasn’t something he was opposed to, really, he kind of deserved it, but his heart just wasn’t ready for another slew of hurtful words. Emotional maiming was something Jaebum couldn’t take at that moment. Plus, he had no idea how damaged Jinyoung’s foot was and moving around on it could just make it worse.

  


“You know,” Jaebum spoke out, already making the call as he stared down at Jinyoung, “I’ve never taken you for granted. You supported me through all these years and I can’t be more grateful. This band’s parent isn’t just me alone, it needs both of – ah, yes, hello. Sorry for disturbing you this late, noona. This is Jaebum speaking. This is very complicated but our Jinyoungie got hurt on his foot and we need to get him checked by a professional… Yes, it got cut… No, noona, it was an accident, it wasn’t his fault… Yes, it may require stitches…”

  


And as he turned his back to Jinyoung to focus on the call, he completely missed Jinyoung’s wide-eyed stare. Jinyoung hadn’t missed the endearing way Jaebum had referred to him, at how gently the older had called his name, and he didn’t miss the way Jaebum had tried to make light of Jinyoung’s obvious guilt in the messy situation of his foot. He was trying, and Jinyoung felt himself melting.

  


He might have not realized it, but finally, Jaebum had said the right thing.


	22. Chapter 22

Jinyoung’s foot thankfully didn’t require stitches.

  


They prescribed a specially concocted ointment that was meant to close the cuts and heal them quickly, reminding Jaebum and Juhee – the manager noona in charge of medical affairs – repeatedly to keep the wound disinfected, dressed properly and dry. He would have to use a crutch to allow it to heal quicker and avoid putting his foot on the floor at all costs, but only for one whole week.

  


Juhee and her whole medical staff from JYP made sure to take care of all that was needed and told the boys that there would be someone at their dorms once every alternative day to check on the wounds. They also dressed his foot in gauze and cushioned his sole with shittons more. He could barely feel anything when he touched his soles on the floor, feeling only the softness of the gauze.

  


“You heard the doctor, hyung,” Youngjae said, “don’t put your foot on the floor.”

  


They were all seated on the floor in Jinyoung’s room, cups of instanoodles in their hands. Youngjae had tidied up his room together with Mark – without really asking for Jinyoung’s permission – and had somehow, surprisingly, managed to place his stuff where it actually belonged. It was the magic of a good brotherhood, probably.

That was the weirdest, most silent dinner they’d had ever since they’d become a band.

  


All in Jinyoung’s room, eating junk food sitting around without talking, with no other noise aside from their slurping and chewing, and some muttering. They didn’t even play rock-paper-scissors to determine who’d be appointed for clean-up duty; Yugyeom just stood up and gathered all their junk, stuffed them into the big plastic bag their food and drinks came in, and disposed of it in the kitchen.

  


Amidst the slurping, however, was muttering, and it came from Bambam.

  


The Thai boy finally managed to find an exorcism he was happy to try and that was the only other noise they heard aside from the slurping. Bambam was mumbling in Thai with his hands brought together in front of his chest and his eyes closed – save for the cheeky peek at his phone’s screen to read the words.

  


Their managers had cancelled their schedule for the week and that meant a week off for Got7. Jinyoung’s foot aside, Jackson was also ill, so he wasn’t flying back to China or going back to his flat. Sure, their week off came at the expense of two sick group members, but still; they had the week off and that was good in hindsight.

  


Jackson had been directed to Mark’s room again instead of his old room, heeding Xinhua’s repeated request of not leaving the young man alone at any cost.

  


(Not that Jackson wanted to spend a single second away from his boyfriend anyway.)

  


Mark himself had practically carried Jackson on his back to his room a few minutes earlier, right after the Hong Kong native finished his noodles and downed his meds. The shit side to all of this, however, was the following:

  


Jaebum and Jinyoung were yet to talk properly.

  


Yugyeom walked back into the room after disposing of their trash, to hand Bambam a drink, sitting beside him. Bambam gestured for him to put it beside him because he was still finishing his mutterings. Mark walked in not long after, his grey Thrasher hoodie in his hands. He had lent that hoodie out to Jaebum once, it being the thinnest, most comfortable hoodie he ever had, but he was not about to tell Jinyoung that. Hell would freeze over before he did.

  


“Here, warmest hoodie.”

  


“Thanks, hyung,” Jinyoung smiled up to him, before clearing his throat and pushing himself up to stand on one foot. “Right, I’m going to bed and you all should do the same,” he said, and everyone nodded as they quietly muttered their goodnight wishes.

  


“Wait!” Bambam finished his exorcism and stood up quickly, “Get a sharpie!”

  


“Excuse me?” Youngjae snorted.

  


“No, really, get a sharpie. We gotta write our forgiveness and wishes and stick them where the Bear Spirit was!” Bambam exclaimed, making the gesture of sticking something on a wall, “Bring duct tape too.”

  


Youngjae pursed his lips but Yugyeom, bless that ever-trusting whipped boy, was quick to dash out of the room and return with a notebook and a sharpie.

  


“We all need to write down our wishes and ask the Bear Spirit for forgiveness.”

  


“I’m not doing that,” Jinyoung complained.

  


“You’re the one who must do it the most, hyung! You broke the vessel,” Bambam insisted as he grabbed the notebook and ripped off a page for each of the present members and extra one for Jackson that Mark would have to get him to write on no matter what to finish the ritual. They were too tired to dissuade Bambam from doing what he had to do, and he could be very persuasive in his weird stuff when he wanted.

  


“Do we have to write in Thai?” Mark snorted when Bambam passed him the sharpie after writing his note in his native language. Bambam shook his head.

  


“No, you must write in the language of your heart.”

  


The night got even weirder as one by one they grabbed the sharpie and wrote down that they begged forgiveness from the Mighty Bear Spirit and wished for it to be kind and make their brother recover quickly. Mark wrote in English and the two younger boys wrote in Korean. Jaebum was the last one to write. It took him a while to write but he finally did and stuck his note on the wall. Mark disappeared for a while before returning with Jackson’s note which was practically unreadable and was a mix of Chinese and English.

  


“Are we done now?” Youngjae asked Bambam who was standing before their notes and praying in Thai again, “Guess we’re not.”

  


After a while Bambam breathed heavily and nodded. “Now we’re done. Goodnight, hyung. I think that the Bear Spirit will be kind to you now.”

  


“Alright, I hope so,” Jinyoung said with huff turning to the side, “Now get out of here, all of you. This party _sucked_.”

  


A small joke.

  


Mark snorted a little.

  


“’night, Nyoungie. Be careful with that foot,” He said before leaving. The younger boys wished him a goodnight once again and left too.

  


Jaebum, however, lingered by the door, his back turned at Jinyoung.

  


“What is it, hyung?”

  


Jaebum remained silent with his arms hanging alongside his body and his fists clenched. He breathed heavily and unclenched his fists.

  


“I’m sorry,” He apologised quietly, “About yesterday.” He paused.

  


“About today.” He added and swallowed hard.

  


“I just want you to know that…” he breathed heavily with his heart threatening to break his ribs, “I think I didn’t say things as I should have but… I guess it’s too late now.”

  


Silence replied to Jaebum instead of words, as the younger merely responded by lying down on to his bed and throwing his covers over himself. He stared at Jaebum’s broad back, wondering why he hadn’t left after saying what he had to say, wondering if there was a particular response he wanted from him or something.

  


If there was, Jinyoung didn’t know what he’d say to that, anyway.

  


After a few painful seconds, however, Jaebum still hadn’t moved – although his tense frame had slowly slouched, probably having lost all of its bravado and fight – and something suddenly did pop up into Jinyoung’s head. His heart raced and sighed.

  


“Hyung… I’m sorry, too. I haven’t been as mature as I should be.” Jinyoung took a deep breath. “That said, you... should really stop making one-sided decisions.”

  


Silence fell between them once again, and Jinyoung spotted the older clenching his fists. He knew that Jaebum’s mind was probably racing by then. Jumping to conclusions, preventing himself from jumping to conclusions, wanting to say something but not knowing what to say, and what else, what not. Jinyoung knew Got7’s leader too well and he didn’t want to know why he suddenly felt sad by acknowledging that.

  


Jinyoung decided to cut off Jaebum’s train of thoughts. He didn’t want to pressure him into giving him an answer.

  


“You should go to sleep, hyung. I don’t want you sick. Please close the door for me?” His words were final, and Jaebum heard it. Nodding, the second eldest member of Got7 breathed heavily and straightened up.

  


“Goodnight. Be careful.” Jaebum said and he left, closing the door behind him.


	23. Chapter 23

**Markeu, Sseunie, You (3)**

  


what’s up with that shitty phone he had

12:12

**Markeu**

idk he came back with it last night

12:12

  


he also has a new wallet

cheap and ugly

12:13

…

how ugly

12:14

**Markeu**

knock-off eastpak ugly

easygrab or sth

its yellow

12:14

…

wow what an ass

12:15

**Sseunie**

an ass you like

both literally and figuratively

12:15

why the fuck you awake

it’s our week off and ur ill

12:16

**Sseunie**

I’m getting healing hugs

And it’s noon alr nyoung

12:16

  


also what wallet?

oh nvm mark just came back lol

12:17

ur both idiots

12:17

  


 

Jinyoung locked his phone and stared up at the ceiling with a sigh. He couldn’t feel the sole of his left foot and his mind was already sizzling with stress, wondering about how that day would go. Falling in love was a pain in the ass and he really had no clue why they sang about love. They ought to be learning how play instruments and becoming a 7-member band with like four guitars, a bass, a drum and a keyboard and sing about how much falling in love sucked balls in full Heavy Metal Voices and Spit-Fire Rap.

  


He rolled to the side and whined onto his pillow. Pain. Pain. _Pain!_ He thought, marking each ‘pain’ with a punch to his poor pillow.

  


Changing clothes and moving around shouldn’t be much of a hassle, should it? He could hop around on the good foot, too. The members would also be there to help him move around, and Juhee noona had already provided him with crutches.

  


Time off also meant that he was free to lounge around the house for the whole week, and there’s a pile of books that he had been meaning to finish and start reading anyway. He could also dress his own cut – albeit a bit messily, but it was only for the duration of the week, right? – Thinking back on it, there really was nothing that could inconvenience Jinyoung much. He could pull that week off on his own, no doubt.

  


He just had to figure out how to shower while simultaneously keeping his left foot dry…

  


_knock knock knock_

  


“Hyung!”

  


A voice that was unmistakeably Bambam’s called from behind the door. The jolly Thai boy’s face peeped through the door milliseconds later, a wide grin on his face. After checking that everything was in order – like, Jinyoung wasn’t in the middle of changing out of his pyjamas or anything – Bambam pushed the door open wider with his shoulder and made his way in.

  


“I got you food~” he announced, holding a tray with a plate of what looked like bread and eggs and a cup with something steaming. He walked over with a huge smile, sitting by his hyung’s bedside and gently placing the tray on his lap.

  


“What is this?” he asked as he eyes the plate of French toast sprinkled with syrup and cinnamon, with a side of sausages and eggs. It was an American breakfast – most likely Jackson or Mark’s request – and it was a very easy, just-fry-it-in-the-pan type of carb-filled breakfast that would get them chewed out by their manager if they found out. Perfect, basically.

  


Jinyoung was pleasantly surprised. There was no way he’d say no to breakfast in bed. It was just that he hated to be given special treatment just because of a _minor injury_. He didn’t like using his privileges – unless it was under his own terms, _of course_ – and he could’ve joined the others in the kitchen just fine.

  


“Breakfast, duh,” Bambam shrugged, “JB hyung insisted you stay in bed and not put any pressure on your foot just yet.”

  


Somehow, Jinyoung’s mood soured at the new piece of information.

  


_Jaebum insisted?_

  


Who the fuck did _that man_ think he was? Well, yeah, okay, he was the leader and thus got rights to call the shots, especially if it benefitted his team member’s wellbeing, _but still._ Jaebum would know how much Jinyoung would hate being treated as if he was incapable, so why would he even insist on such a thing? Unless it wasn’t even Jaebum himself that came up with the idea. He probably got it from the two _idiotic_ boyfriends.

  


But why did Jaebum need the input from those two jerkpots to start thinking about Jinyoung’s wellbeing? Didn’t he have his own damn feelings? Sure, he wanted to disregard those feelings because of Jinyoung’s gender (he was sure that was what that was about, mind), but, despite that, the feelings _should_ be there, shouldn’t they? Or were the feelings not even that deep to begin with?

  


Jinyoung felt a light pat on his hand and looked up to meet Bambam’s gentle smile.

  


“Hyung, don’t think so much. Sometimes you just gotta let the answers come to you,” he said softly, solemnly, and the realization that Bambam was actually a solid young man who was pretty insightful when he needed to be (despite his quirkiness and his weird beliefs in bear spirits) hit Jinyoung like a train. He had spent so much time trying to raise the boy for over four years, always seeing him as a child he had to protect and keep in line, that he often forgot how wise Bambam could actually be when he wasn’t behaving like a literal crackhead.

  


Jinyoung smiled and reached out to caress the younger man’s jaw.

  


“Since when have you become so mature, Bambammie?” he laughed, and the other man’s face quickly turned into that of mock disgust as he jerked backwards and away from the Korean’s palm giving a faux grossed out look.

  


“Ew, gross, hyung! I’m getting cavities from how sweet you’re being, blegh! When did it happen? You’re not like this!”

  


Jinyoung just laughed.

  


In the end, Bambam left him to go and take a shower, saying something about having to meet up with Bangchan and Jaehyun.

  


Jinyoung didn’t mind, not in the slightest. Eating in peace was a privilege in that household and he was going to make the best of it. He had managed to finish the toast and a bit of the sausage and eggs, but then he just stared and poked at it. Despite his empty stomach and the tempting visuals the food offered, Jinyoung’s appetite was nowhere to be found, and he had no clue why.

  


Maybe it was the possibility that Jaebum had made this for him. Or that Markson had talked JB into making a decision that benefited Jinyoung. Or maybe it was the lonely feeling of eating alone, while overhearing the muted noises coming from outside. But then again, he was pretty sure that the boys playing around would sound more like a kindergarten at recess than the ruckus of a tv show.

  


Jinyoung groaned.

  


Why was he overthinking that too?

  


He’d decided to just give up on eating altogether and maybe feed his leftovers to their neighbour’s cats when he heard yet another knock resound through his otherwise quiet room.

  


“Nyoung?” the face of his _bestest_ friend in the world poked through his door, the colour not yet having returned to his face. Locking eyes, Jackson smiled and entered the room, a plate in one hand and a water bottle in the other. His breakfast seemed largely untouched, and Jinyoung raised an eyebrow.

  


“What’s this?”

  


“I heard that you’re eating here alone, so I came here to eat with you. Just finished showering,” he grinned, his hair damp, with his face indeed looking bare and showing signs of a light moustache already growing back in.

  


Jackson casually sat cross-legged in front of Jinyoung on his bed, facing him, letting the bottle of water lie on the bed beside his thigh.

  


“Okay, so, spill, bitch,” he started, taking a bite out of his sunny side-up egg, “You promised me a story and I want tea with my breakfast.”

  


Jinyoung laughed at his best friend’s antics and nudged at his knee with his good foot from beneath the covers. “You and your weird lingo, I swear.”

  


“Well, I wanna know what happened that caused you to trash your room. Tell me that, and I might just tell you why Jaebum’s phone and wallet suddenly look like his new concept is slumming. Stop stalling, you _promised_.”

  


“Fine, fine. We basically went to the park – ”

  


“While eating, Nyoung.”

  


Jinyoung shoved a piece of toast in his mouth and chewed around his sentences. “So, uh. Remember that vid-chat we did, with Mark hyung knocking on my door?” Jackson nodded, and he continued. “The next morning hyung told me he had cuddled with JB instead, and it kind of… I don’t know, it made me want to hurl my tea cup at his face, really.”

  


Jackson looked aghast. “What, at Mark hyung??”

  


“Of course not.” Jinyoung frowned while eating half-heartedly, “I mean JB hyung. I have no idea why, either, I just… felt pissed that he cuddled with Mark hyung.”

  


“Instead of with you?” Jackson grinned cheekily, pointing his fork at him, and Jinyoung blatantly ignored the comment.

  


“ _Anyway_. I then overheard him saying that he felt like he’s kpop’s worst leader, you know, his old insecurities, the works. I told him to shut up, because I really couldn’t bear hearing that, I mean, we got to where we are partially because of how he led us, you know, and he uh, kind of just, snapped, I guess.”

  


“Snapped?” Jackson raised an eyebrow, “How?” Jackson started chewing vigorously on his sausage, a bit too vigorous for a sick person, anyway, looking like he was watching his favourite drama on tv. Jinyoung wanted to throw toast at his dumb face.

  


“Well, he suddenly told hyung and Gyeomie that he had to talk to me alone, and just asked me to go out. But when I said yes, we ended up walking around aimlessly, and didn’t talk at all. I had no idea what he was even thinking. It was annoying, so I just… told him what I wanted to do. I thought, if he didn’t have to think out where we’d be going, he could focus on spilling his guts. But even at the end of our date, after walking around and having dinner and watching a goddamn _movie_ , he still hadn’t said a single meaningful thing to me! That asshole quietly paid for literally everything I asked him and said nothing. Literally fucking _nothing_.”

  


Jinyoung took a heated bite of his sausage – making Jackson wince a bit – and continued his rant.

  


“Then we ended up in the park, where he suddenly wanted to sit down, and that was when he said it. He said he had romantic feelings for me, for a long while, and he hadn’t realized it at all until recently.”

  


Jackson stopped chewing and stared at him for a couple seconds before proceeding to chew. “So, he confessed to you?” Jackson reconfirmed, to which Jinyoung nodded, and the Hong Kong man frowned. “Then what’s the problem?”

  


“He didn’t want me to return his feelings.”

  


Jackson stopped his fork halfway in mid-air, mouth still agape, and raised an eyebrow at him. Jinyoung clapped his hands.

  


“Yes! Exactly! And then he told me, get this,” he rose both hands and bit his lower lip while raising his eyebrows, his tray almost falling off his lap, “he said that it was because he didn’t deserve me. _He didn’t deserve me_ , he just wanted to air his feelings out, so I shouldn’t return his feelings either. _He just stated it so_! He didn’t even _ask_ _me_ if felt the same! He didn’t _even ask me_ what I thought about the whole thing!”

  


Sniffling a little, Jinyoung pulled his tray back to himself with shaking hands and grabbed the fork he’d dropped at the peak of his rant, forking the rest of his egg and shoving it into his mouth, chewing aggressively.

  


“And that’s what irked me about it… how, how he just single-handedly decided how everything was going to be! He couldn’t just go on and confess to me and also say that ‘ _we’re not going to amount to anything anyway, so lets just stop here before we get in too deep’._ Fucking _asshole._ I then got up and left him and went home by myself, and uh...” he paused and huffed, swallowing painfully on his food, “Well, trashed my room because of how pissed I was. That’s all. The end.”

  


Jinyoung took a large gulp from the now-lukewarm cup of tea and faced Jackson, waiting for any comments the man might have. Jackson, however, merely sat there, fork in hand, gaping at Jinyoung as if he’d grown an extra head from his chest.

  


“ _What?_ ” Jinyoung squawked indignantly, defensively, feeling incredibly naked and vulnerable because of that God-damned stare.

 

Jackson let out a long, tired sigh.

 

"Park Jinyoung, you fucking idiot."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a shout-out to my co-writer Forestfish ...  
> I love hyung so much this fic wouldn't have gotten this far if it wasn't for them :')

“What, _what_?” Jinyoung asked, annoyed, “I just told you what happened!” he said and pushed empty tray away from him. The company and the distraction had helped him finish his food. “What are you looking at me like that for?”

  


Jackson was still staring at him with his fork in his hand with a bit of sausage hanging from it. He contemplatively put it in his mouth and chewed it before swallowing it. He put the fork down and his plate over Jinyoung’s on the tray. He then licked his lips after taking a good swig from his water bottle and getting his meds from his pyjamas’ breast pocket and swallowing them with a bit of water. All gently and slowly, calculated.

 

Jinyoung wanted to hit him.

  


“So, let me get this straight.” Jackson started, "Just to see if we're on the same page," looking at Jinyoung as if not looking at him would make him miss a detail, “JB hyung confessed to you.”

  


Jinyoung looked at him in silence as he quietly finished his food and took his medication before asking him that. That wasn’t the reaction he’d expected, really.

  


“Yes.”

  


“He said he was in love with you.”

  


“He did.”

  


“With those exact words?”

  


“Yes.” Jinyoung was started to feel frustrated at the questions. “I told you what happened word for word.”

  


“That’s for me to decide,” Jackson declared curtly raising a hand in his direction, “All I heard was you being angry and telling me something about how JB hyung sat you down and threw some self-deprecating shit at you after confessing. To which you got pissed and ran home.”

  


Jinyoung looked at him and frowned. “Yeah, well, he did that.” He confirmed “And I also did that.”

  


“He did that,” Jackson repeated with a nod, “and then you did that.” He reaffirmed. “I also noticed a bunch of shit I doubt he said and sounds a lot like you being angry and just kind of, like, seeing shit that wasn’t there.”

  


Jinyoung gasped in outrage.

  


“ _I_ was making assumptions!? Look, you weren’t there! I told you what he said! Fucking tell me that it wasn’t _him_ making assumptions and disregarding – ” he choked on his words and cussed, clenching his jaw before proceeding “ – fucking _disregarding_ whatever feelings I might have for him!”

  


Jakcson just stared at him, that annoying deadpan look on his face. Jinyoung wanted to throw the tray of dishes at him and then proceed to beat him with it.

  


“He did _not_ ask me how I felt. He just said ‘ _Oh, boohoo, I’ve been in love with you_ for ages _, but I didn’t realise it because I didn’t know I could get it up for dudes too. I don’t deserve you, so I don’t want you to return my feelings. Who cares about what you feel? I’m the tragic hero.’_ ” Jinyoung tried mimicking Jaebum’s voice and words in a really, really brattish way. So much so that even he realised he wasn’t acting like an adult. Bambam really was more of an adult than him.

  


What had his life come down to?

  


To make him feel even more like a toddler being bratty, Jackson snorted. “See? I didn’t say you were making assumptions, _you_ put words in my mouth. Get your feet outta the way, wanna lie down,” Jackson requested, tapping his legs.

  


Jinyoung did what he asked him to and Jackson lied sideways at the feet of his bed, looking at him. He then pursed his lips before continuing as he sighed deeply. He looked at Jinyoung who had a frown etched on his forehead still. Jackson scoffed.

  


“We can get a skewed perception of shit when we’re pissed, Nyoungie. Also, that impression of Jaebum hyung was terrible. 0/10. Awful,” Jackson said with a small smile after pursing his lips again. Jinyoung huffed, ruffling his hair.

  


“Jaebum hyung… well, shit, he _is_ an idiot,” he continued, Jinyoung looking at him again, the gratitude showing in his eyes, “But so are _you_.”

  


The gratitude was replaced with a frown.

  


“You say he’s deciding that he doesn’t want you to return his feelings because, what was it?” Jackson frowned looking at him.

  


“He thinks it’ll be short lived, and we shouldn’t get in too deep.” Jinyoung repeated with a huff.

  


“Did he say that?”

  


Jinyoung fell silent before muttering. “No.”

  


Jackson scoffed and shook his head messing up his already messy hair.

  


“See? He said he’d been in love with you for a long time without realising,” Jackson parroted and Jinyoung nodded with pursed lips, “And that does sound like JB hyung. The whole ‘ _I don’t deserve you’_ part, though. It’s not like him to be so… insecure? I mean, wow, self-loathing much? It’s not a crime to be sexually repressed in this shitty world. Not his fault he was trapped in Narnia without knowing. Lots of people are.”

  


Jackson huffed hoarsely and Jinyoung looked at him in silence before lowering his eyes. Maybe he had point there.

  


“What exactly did you tell him after he confessed?”

  


Jinyoung remained silent and felt his face heat up. Jackson, being on the outside, was putting things in perspective and making him realise that _maybe_ he had indeed assumed things that weren’t true about their leader’s feelings towards him.

  


“Oi.” He nudged Jinyoung’s thigh.

  


“It was…” Jinyoung didn’t want to tell him. Because now, with his brain thinking clearer, and the pain shooting through his foot he realised just how it stupidly selfish and heartless his words had sounded. Jinyoung swallowed. “I said it was a boy-crush and that he expected it to go away. Then I, that’s when I left.” He muttered.

  


Jackson opened his mouth and then closed it. He brought his hands to his tired face and rubbed it before slowly sitting up on the edge of Jinyoung’s bed. He looked so done, and Jinyoung felt himself relate with his best friend. The sudden feeling of shame hit him like a wall of loose cinder blocks hit by strong winds. He was done with himself too.

  


“You called his feelings a ‘boy-crush’?”

  


Jinyoung looked at the tray as if it could offer him some comfort. It couldn’t. It was empty.

  


The younger covered his face with both hands and huffed into them before uncovering it and looking at his best friend, almost pleading, “Isn’t it what it sounds like?”

  


Jackson raised his hands.

  


“I’m not hearing this.”

  


The Hong Kong man got off the bed, shaking his head.

  


“I didn’t hear that. I don’t know how, I don't know why, but -- _God_ , I have no words in the three languages I speak to express what I’m feeling right now.”

  


Then he walked out of the room without another word, leaving his plates and water bottle behind along with a confused and upset Jinyoung sitting on the bed. He didn’t even close the door. Jinyoung heard him find Mark in the hallway – by the tell-tale surprised yelp coming from the American – and get asked what he was doing and if he’d eaten and taken his meds. Jackson said yes and then there was a short moment of silence before he heard Jackson ask,

  


“Mark, why are our best friends such absolute idiots?”

  


Jinyoung want to hop off his bed and run to him to roundhouse kick him in the face.

  


“JACKSON WANG, WHAT THE FUCK?” he yelled from his bed, pushing away the bubbling feeling of helplessness of being unable to walk up to his best friend and smack him in the head.

  


“BACK AT YOU, DUMBASS.” Jackson yelled back before having a coughing fit.

  


“I’LL KILL YOU.”

  


“GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. I HAVE MARK TO PROTECT ME. Don’t I, baby?”

  


“I’m not getting in the middle of this,” Mark chuckled, and Jackson whined like a needy puppy, “you gotta fight your own battles.”

  


“Markiepooh~”

  


Jinyoung could hear the pout in his voice and rolled his eyes. “I HATE YOU BOTH.”

  


No audible reply came, except for the faint sound of Mark chuckling. Jinyoung grabbed the tray and shoved the lamp away from the nightstand to put it there. The lamp fell again, and he lied back down, somehow feeling like crying. Markson were both idiots and he wanted to smack their stupid faces but at the same time he just couldn’t stop thinking about Jackson’s very solid reasoning.

  


His mind reeled with the events of that dreadful evening and he replayed what Jaebum had said to him once again. What if Jaebum wasn’t really making assumptions? They’d said he come back after midnight looking like shit after having bought a bunch of stuff nobody needed along with a new outdated phone and an ugly wallet. What if Jinyoung had been the one making assumptions and Jaebum had just been so immersed in his self-loathing that he had really meant ‘I don’t deserve you’ as in ‘you deserve better than me’?

  


God.

 

But _he was_ an asshole, wasn’t he? A _stupidly dense_ one at that _, too_.

  


How is he going to make it up to Jaebum?


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> markson have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update, ayey.  
> I was abroad and sick and depressed so late updates :(((  
> Sorry ma dudes

Jackson walked over to the kitchen with Mark and on the way there, briefed his boyfriend on what he’d just plucked out of Jinyoung. The older’s reaction was similar to his, in his own way. He just stared blankly at him for a solid five seconds before leaning onto one of the counters and covering his mouth, looking at Jackson who had opened his arms and pursed his lips after recounting the tale.

  


_Yes,_ it was as ridiculous as it sounded.

  


“He called his feelings a ‘boy-crush.”

  


“Yes, when even an idiot could have seen that he’s been whipped for him for God knows how long,” Jackson groaned. “There is a fucking reason literally everyone calls them an old married couple. Why can’t they see that?”

  


Mark dug into his eyes with the heels of his palms, rubbing until he saw white. That shit was getting way out of hand and there was no way they could just stand aside and let them fight their battles. They clearly didn’t know how to do that. “We gotta get Jaebummie’s side of the story too.”

  


“Wonder if it’s as ridiculous as Nyoung’s.”

  


“Well he did say he didn’t want Nyoungie to return his feelings because he didn’t deserve him.”

  


Jackson huffed holding onto the edge of the table for support and looking over at Mark who was now staring at him looking both annoyed and sad.

  


“Okay, so his self-esteem game is weak, then. I mean…” – Jackson clicked his tongue – “I get it, but, this isn’t just about that, right? It’s about how, you know, he didn’t even know he wasn’t straight?” He lowered his voice into a whisper full of pity and cringe, “Like… can you imagine not knowing that? Being that sexually repressed that you don’t even realize you’re not straight?”

  


“Well, not everyone is as open-minded and curious as you are, Gaga…” Mark sighed and grabbed a cloth from the counter behind him and started fiddling with it, thinking. “I feel sorry for him, but I mean… I get where Jinyoung’s coming from, too. He’s had to deal with JB’s mixed signs all these years… I can’t really blame him for, you know, losing it.”

  


Jackson was still leaning on the table and sighed, nodding gravely.

  


“Well, yeah, but how can someone stand something like that for so long!? Like, I wouldn’t have even let it reach this point,” Jackson snorted mirthlessly, eyeing his boyfriend, “I’d just go for it and yolo.”

  


Mark chuckled lightly giving him a meaningful look.

  


“And expect to have your feelings returned after throwing them bluntly at the guy you like and barely giving him time to breathe and say ‘yes, I feel the same but let’s not call it anything because I’m kinda terrified of labels’?”

  


Jackson grinned and got away from the table, circling it and going over to his boyfriend. He kind of just held him in his arms, resting his weary head on his shoulder. Mark put his arms around his neck and kissed his temple lightly.

  


“We’ve come a long way.”

  


“We have.” Mark said softly with a small smile.

  


Jackson was the one to break the embrace to look at him in the eyes and smile as if he was seeing the greatest miracle in existence. Then he leaned back against the table just looking at him fondly, with his head slightly tilted. “And you’re high from the meds again Gaga. You’re giving me that silly look again.”

  


“Most likely,” Jackson chuckled “Doesn’t mean anything though.” He scratched his neck and yawned, “I’m still looking at the most beautiful man on Earth.”

  


Mark felt himself blush stupidly. He held in a smile and looked away. Jackson’s smile only grew fonder.

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Markson get JB's side of the story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE ma dudes.  
> Read from chapter 25

Ch 22

 

Jaebum arrived in the kitchen at that moment but didn’t really catch them saying anything or doing anything out of the ordinary. They were just standing there looking at each other in silence and smiling. Maybe that’s what lovers did.

 

Jaebum sighed deeply and circled the table to go get himself some coffee after greeting them. He fidgeted silently with the hem of his pyjamas’ sweater as he waited for the coffee to get ready and he noticed the shift in Jackson and Mark’s mood.

 

Jackson circled the table and sat on one side of it before beckoning Mark to join him. They sat on the side of the table that gave them a clear view of Jaebum who glanced at them in silence. It oddly felt like being cornered by two preying lions and it… _kind of_ uncomfortable. He wanted to ask them to stop looking at him, but he somehow couldn’t. Why did that feel so scary?

 

“Jaebumie, sit down, please.” Mark asked gently pointing one of the chairs on the opposite side of the table, in front of him and Jackson.

 

Jaebum looked at him silence before slowly and quietly obeying and sitting down.

 

“We got Jinyoungie’s side of the story,” Jackson told him bluntly and Jaebum’s heart raced at those words, “and now we want yours.”

 

“What story?”

 

Jackson intertwined his fingers under his chin and gave him a pointed look. He looked like one of those cops in the American movies the guys liked to binge-watch together and Jaebum leaned back a bit, pressing his lips together.

 

“The story that ends with you coming back home with a bunch of clutter and cheap undies,” he clarified, “Does that ring a bell, hyung?”

 

That was seriously one torchlight away from feeling like a police interrogation.

 

Jaebum felt naked and anxious like a deer caught in headlights. Only that he was no deer and there were no headlights aside from the two pairs of eyes fixed on him. The whirring of the coffee machine and fridge were the only other sounds in the kitchen.

 

He kept fidgeting with the hem of his sweater, his hands hidden under the table and his eyes on the shiny surface.

 

“What did Jinyoungie tell you?” he started, wanting to test the waters first.

 

Jackson briefed him and added the shitty impersonation he’d done of him. Jaebum brought his hands up from under the table and groaned, leaning his head onto them and hiding his face.

 

“He hates me. He hates me, doesn’t he?”

 

His two friends turned interrogators out of concern stared at their leader in shock. Jaebum coiled into himself and looked small. Im Jaebum never looked small.

 

“He wasn’t listening.” Jackson spoke out in disbelief, leaning back on the chair, gesturing in Jaebum’s general direction and looking at Mark seemingly completely done, “He didn’t hear a word of what I just said!”

 

Mark decided to step in and try to do something about that sudden shrinking of their leader.

 

“Jaebumie…” he called softly, “you’re misunderstanding.”

 

“You’re too immersed in your goddamn self-loathing to understand a word of what I just told you!” Jackson exclaimed, banging his fist on the table and startling Jaebum into looking at them, “We want your damn side of the story too, because this, Jinyoung was too angry to understand what you said and you’re the King of saying the wrong thing!”

 

“Did he like the breakfast?” Jaebum asked quietly, trying not to break down right there and then.

 

“He ate everything, so I guess he did.” Jackson said and groaned, “Ah, I forgot to bring the tray back in and left my plate in his room… shit.”

 

“You can go get it later,” Mark said softly before looking at Jaebum again. “Bummie, we want to know what happened with you that night. Why did you come home like that? We just want to know your side of the story to maybe try and help you two.”

 

“Well, the tension between me and him was driving me mad and…” he started and that wasn’t the beginning, so he went back.

 

“Sorry, this started when I… when I realised that I was in, in love with him.” His face got beet red but Markson didn’t even flinch at that piece of information. It wasn’t anything new. “Uh, I didn’t even know I was, that I _could_ … I mean…” he was fumbling with his words and his heart was in his throat. “I had no idea I could _like_ men, or,” he licked his lips and snorted mirthlessly, “that I could even _fall in love_ with men and feel a feeling so… so _overwhelming_ it took my whole mind by storm and wouldn’t let me sleep.”

 

Markson remained quiet but nodded and that was the backchannelling Jaebum needed to know he was making sense.

 

“It’s just that… I should have noticed sooner… It was there, it was… it was _right there_ for so long but I,” Jaebum shook his head and his coffee was ready but he didn’t get up to go get it, so Mark did it for him as he proceeded. Two sugars, stir it well. Mark placed the mug in front of their leader.

 

“Thanks, hyung…” he muttered and put his hands around the warm mug. It was incredible how comfortable a warm mug could be. “Uh… I just couldn’t tell platonic and romantic apart,” he admitted hopelessly.

 

A long silence then fell, with Jaebum seemingly lost in his own thoughts, with his friends still waiting for him to continue his side of the story. The couple exchanged glances and Mark cleared his throat.

 

“Well,” he began with a small smile, “It’s separated by a very thin line. Ah… I don’t know how to put this… Basically, the norm is being heterosexual so… you, not being homosexual, probably repressed the attraction you felt towards men… or Jinyoungie in this case. I mean… I get it,” he said with a mirthless chuckle, “Even in America where same-sex marriage is legal, people still get killed for being queer. Korea is eons away when it comes to that. It’s really understandable, Jaebummie.”

 

“What he’s trying to say is that you shouldn’t beat yourself over being locked in the closet without realising because this world is fucked up,” Jackson chimed in, “I’m not out to my family either even though I’ve known I’m gay since my mid-teens,” he told him and Jaebum felt a surge of empathy and understanding so strong he almost teared up.

 

_They accepted him._

 

(Well, no shit Jaebum, they were dating each other and were both men.

 

_Anyway.)_

 

“Bummer I don’t have a pride flag to roll around your back and sing YMCA” Jackson said with a little chuckle that made Mark snort a little – and Jaebum frowned a little because he completely missed that pop-culture reference, immersed as he was in his anxious thoughts – that eased the mood a little, “Now go on with the story, if you don’t mind.”

 

Jaebum sighed and gulped. He felt more confident after those warm and lighthearted words and that warm mug of coffee.

 

“Well, so I realised I’m not straight and then… then I don’t really know what happened.”

 

He looked at them hopelessly. “It started when you guys told us you were officially dating. He started getting gradually colder and angrier and I, I just knew it was because of me like… I can tell that kind of thing and, I mean, it’s _Jinyoungie_. I’ve known him longer than I know all of you.”

 

Markson nodded understandingly. They knew about his rough upbringing and they also knew that he knew Jinyoung better than anyone else.

 

“So, like, that morning he was particularly pissed because Mark hyung and I had slept together – not _like that_.” He quickly looked at Jackson who merely laughed. Mark chuckled and smacked his arm lightly before they focused their attention on Jaebum again.

 

“Anyway, I, I couldn’t stand that stuff any longer, so I just asked him to go out with me so that we could be alone together and _maybe_ talk.” Jaebum said and took a small sip of coffee before continuing.

 

“I wanted him to talk,” he said before looking at his friends, “but he didn’t. He just, he kept asking for things and I just got them for him and, and maybe I should have said something along the way but, but we went through the whole day. Lunch, ice-cream, cinema, dinner, everything, and I said nothing and he said nothing and then… ”

 

He paused and bit his lower lip. “He suggested a walk in the park and it was late, I was tired and I just… I tried to talk to him, but I said shit wrong and he…he…” he was battling his tears at that point and he knew that Markson weren’t blind, so he took a big swig of his coffee to try to keep himself from breaking down again. “He said my feelings were a boy-crush and basically, basically suggested that my feelings were fickle and would go away or something.”

 

“You felt invalidated like he did,” Mark said softly with a sigh before proceeding, “Did you really tell him you didn’t want him to return his feelings because you didn’t deserve him?” Mark asked, obviously pretending that he wasn’t seeing him about to cry. Jaebum hated feeling vulnerable and he did. _Again_. But now that he’d started talking he wasn’t stopping.

 

“I did and, and I meant it, but I don’t think…” he trailed off and inhaled deeply through his nose before taking another swig of coffee, “I don’t think he understood that what I meant is that he deserves better than me because I’m not good enough for him. I got the impression that he felt the same, but I couldn’t say anything because he just… he ran off on me.”

 

Jaebum noticed Markson exchanging a glance but didn’t comment on it and continued.

 

“Then I, I don’t know? I just felt my chest hurt, and, well, I couldn’t, you know,” he gestured to his eyes and mimicked tears and Mark and Jackson nodded, “so I ran too, I ran to a really shady part of the park and it was a stupid thing to do,” he scoffed bitterly. “I should have known better, I mean _I know better_ , but I wasn’t thinking so I kind of… two assholes appeared and tried to mug me.”

 

“What!?” Mark and Jackson said in shocked unison and then looked at each other before looking back at Jaebum who snorted joylessly.

 

“ _Tried_ is the keyword here, I didn’t _get_ mugged,” he calmed them down, “they were common thugs, they had a flick-blade and all that, they probably saw me looking all clean and shit and thought I was an easy target.”

 

“Oh God, hyung…” Jackson muttered, wide-eyed. Mark was staring at him, speechless. “What happened then?”

 

“I wasn’t really thinking a lot at that moment,” he shrugged, “Anyways, I spent some time on the streets when I was a kid, so I kind of, pulled out my sim card and memory card, then all my documents from my wallet, stuffed everything in my pocket and threw my wallet and phone at them.”

 

He took a gulp from his cup and continued.

 

“The one holding the knife dropped it to catch my stuff, and I caught the knife. I broke one’s nose and I think I broke the other’s ribs? Then I destroyed my phone and wallet and ran away with the knife…”

 

Mark and Jackson were just staring at him in awe at that point. That was definitely not what they’d been expecting. Not that knew what to expect but that was way too over the top to even pop in either of their minds.

 

He proceeded to tell him all about how he’d run off like a madman with the knife in his hand and had been helped by a convenience store clerk who happened to be a Computer Whiz, who was now on his way to hopefully work for JYP after he’d given them his number saying he was a friend and that they should _definitely_ contact him because he was wasting his talent working in a convenience store.

 

“You fucking got recognised, holy shit on a boat,” Jackson muttered still recovering, “But good the kid was cool and… _fuck_ that could have gone so, so wrong.”

 

Mark was just regaining the colour in his cheeks.

 

“He’s a really nice kid, gave me some solid vibes. I really hope they hire him,” Jaebum said with a small smile. “I promised to post him tickets for our co – ”

 

_CRASH!_

 

The sudden sound of something heavy crashing and shattering behind Jaebum made them all jolt in surprise and look at the source of the noise.

 

Turning, they all found Jinyoung standing with no support on one foot – the healthy one – with the plastic tray lying nearby. The huge shards of what used to be two ceramic plates were scattered pitifully around the tray along with a sad and broken coffee cup. His crutch was also on the floor, and his face was one of panic.

 

There was a moment of silence.

 

“More broken stuff, I see,” Bambam suddenly appeared almost magically behind Jinyoung, rounding the corner, summoned by the noise of breaking, no doubt.

 

“ _Someone_ wasn’t being sincere in their note for the Bear Spirit or the Bear Spirit doesn’t want Jinyoungie hyung out of bed.” He eyed Jinyoung accusingly, “Go back to bed, hyung, come on!” Bambam then grabbed Jinyoung’s crutches before looping an arm around the Korean’s waist and gently tugging him away, back into the direction of his room.

 

“I’m not dying!” Jinyoung protested, flustering under his friends’ silent stares, turning to them, “S- Sorry, c-could you – ”

 

“They’ll clean it up, hyung, you need rest, come on!”

 

Jaebum felt his heart fall to his stomach as he watched Bambam guide the love of his life away. Slowly, he got up from the chair, going over to the corner to get the broom and the dustpan, slowly sweeping the broken plates and mug before depositing the dirty cutlery in the sink.

 

Mark and Jackson were frozen in place.

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IS THERE A MISUNDERSTANDING??  
> LETS FIND OUT

Upstairs, Jinyoung closed the book with a huff, dropping his head back into the pillows. He couldn’t concentrate, _at all._

 

It had roughly been an hour already, and Jinyoung had barely made progress into the book he was supposed to be finishing. It wasn’t even in a foreign language, so he had zero excuses. He knew _why_ he couldn’t focus, he just didn’t want to think about it. Jackson’s words had been playing over and over and _over_ again in the back of his head, and he just couldn’t shake it off. He felt like he should be the one _literally_ shattering and being swept into a dustpan and disposed of in the kitchen bin, along with the rotten potato peels and all that nasty kitchen garbage. He almost wished the Bear Spirit was real and would come maul his head off.

  


Now, all he wanted to do was to go knock on Jaebum’s door, apologize for how much of a stubborn idiot he’d been acting as, tell the man he loved him no matter what and probably kiss the living daylights out of him.

  


_Yes_ , Jinyoung felt _that_ horrible.

  


He exhaled a sigh and tossed the book away to the end of his bed.

 

He had to get out. Lying there doing nothing was going to drive him crazy. He needed to get out, maybe play a game or watch a movie? Anything that could occupy his mind and didn’t require any thinking seemed like a terrific idea at that moment. He sat up and swung his legs off the bed, about to get up when he noticed the tray of dirty plates on his bedside table, along with the fallen plastic lamp beside it. Still not broken. The best budget Ikea lamp in existence, no doubt.

  


And there it was, something he could do.

  


Carefully, Jinyoung got up on one foot, grabbing his crutch and steadied himself with it, making sure to balance himself before reaching out to grab the tray with one hand. It was tricky. The plastic tray and its contents weren’t anything his arm and wrist couldn’t handle. Balancing it and keeping the dishes and cutlery on it while hopping with a crutch, however, was a problem.

  


But Jinyoung was a stubborn survivor, damn it. He _would_ get those plates to the sink by himself, even if it took him the whole goddamn day (he kind of wished it did, so that he could just drop that stuff in the kitchen and go back to sleep). It was not as if his foot was broken, anyway, it’s just a cut (okay, three of them, but they hadn’t required stitches, mind, so it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

 

_Really!)_

  


Determined, Jinyoung slowly made his way out of his room to the kitchen. It was a pain in the ass to move like that though and he was just waiting for the bloody moment something would fall off the tray and he’d have to pick it up like an idiot. The house was quiet, and even through his concentration he could still pick up the faint noises of someone conversing somewhere in the vicinity of their small shared apartment. He recognized the voices of Mark, Jackson and Jaebum coming from the kitchen, and he paused in his steps.

  


Well, guess the universe wanted him to go apologize as much as he did.

  


“... he deserves better than … not good enough for him. I g … impress… he felt the same, but I couldn’t _say_ anything because he just… he ran off on me.”

  


Jinyoung perked up at the faint words that grew clearer with every staggered step he took, and finally halted when he could see the back of Jaebum’s head and the top of Mark and Jackson’s. Jaebum’s voice became clear enough he could pick up every single word.

  


“Then I, I don’t know? I just felt my chest hurt, and, well, I couldn’t, _you know,_ so I ran too, I ran to a really shady part of the park and it was a stupid thing to do.”

  


A bitter scoff followed, and Jinyoung could almost imagine the bitter, self-deprecating grin that Jaebum had on his face. It felt a bit awkward, standing there alone in the middle of his own living room, with a tray in his hand, his wrist starting to ache from the strain, eavesdropping on his best friends, but Jaebum’s side of the story sounded way too interesting. One turn of their heads was all it took for them to notice him but they seemed to find the story as interesting as Jinyoung did so he didn’t get caught.

  


“I should have known better, I mean _I know better_ , but I wasn’t thinking so I kind of… two assholes appeared and tried to mug me.”

  


Jinyoung froze at the statement, and Mark and Jackson’s voice rang out in disbelief, speaking on his behalf.

  


“What!?”

  


“ _Tried_ is the keyword here, I didn’t _get_ mugged,” Jaebum quickly reassured, his voice sounding as if he were trying to placate his children, “they were common thugs, they had a flick-blade and all that, they probably saw me looking all clean and shit and thought I was an easy target.”

  


“Oh God, hyung… What happened then?”

  


This one sounded obviously like Jackson, and Jinyoung found himself taking a few staggering steps closer to the kitchen.

  


“I wasn’t really thinking a lot at that moment,” the leader’s voice continued, “Anyways, I spent some time on the streets when I was a kid, so I kind of, pulled out my sim card and memory card, then all my documents from my wallet, stuffed everything in my pocket and threw my wallet and phone at them.”

  


A pause, and Jinyoung took the time to be properly amazed at Jaebum’s wit. He had known about his hyung’s traumatic past; about his alcoholic father who turned abusive from time to time, about his spending time for days on end at a relative’s house or at a friends’, about when he grew old enough that he just spent days on the streets on the bad times he couldn’t come home. Jinyoung knew, _theoretically_ , about how good Jaebum’s skills were in the streets, but actually hearing about it made something in him feel proud.

  


Proud that he managed to take something good out of something pretty bad, mind. There was really nothing that could be objectively called good but the ends justify the means sometimes, eh?

  


“The one holding the knife dropped it to catch my stuff, and I caught the knife. I broke one’s nose and I think I broke the other’s ribs? Then I destroyed my phone and wallet and ran away with the knife…”

  


Jinyoung listened in as Jaebum proceeded to tell them all about how he’d run off like a madman with the knife in his hand and had been helped by a convenience store clerk who happened to be a Computer Whiz, who was now on his way to hopefully work for JYP after he’d given them his number saying he was a friend and that they should _definitely_ contact him because he was wasting his talent working in a convenience store.

  


“You fucking got recognised, holy shit on a boat,” Jackson muttered, “But good the kid was cool and… _fuck_ that could have gone so, so wrong.”

  


The disbelief and relief was so palpable in Jackson’s voice, that Jinyoung could feel it himself. It _could_ have gone very wrong, and if it did, it would have all been his fault. He was the one too caught up in his own emotions, invalidating Jaebum’s in the process, confirming one of the leader’s biggest insecurities. Jinyoung had been the reason Jaebum nearly got mugged, was caught in a situation that could have ended with him being found the following morning dead in the river but just ended with him breaking thugs’ bones. He didn’t know what he’d do if something actually did happen to him.

  


(And the answer was no. No, he didn’t care about him getting recognised. That bit had also miraculously ended well, anyway. Who the fuck would care about that? To hell with their reputation, really. Maybe JYP would make that their concept to cover it up. It wasn’t a big deal in his mind when compared to the possibility of Jaebum getting stabbed to death. It felt like comparing a stupid leaf falling from a branch to the whole goddamn tree falling and killing 7 people.)

  


The universe or something really _did_ want him to get with Jaebum. He kind of wanted to go pluck his note from the wall and write it properly.

  


(He’d kind of written that the Bear Spirit was ugly and terrified the shit out of him and he hated it but didn’t want to get cursed even though that whole thing was bullshit. Well, that hadn’t been very respectful towards that possibly inexistent force of the occult.)

  


Squaring himself, Jinyoung gripped the tray, making up his mind. He was going to walk (or drag himself) into that kitchen and apologize properly, and he was going to do that right away, before he felt the courage go away. It didn’t matter if he had to shoo the other two hyungs out of the kitchen or possible put up with their incessant teasing – or the slew of ‘ew gross’ from the maknae line – Jinyoung was _going to do it._

  


It was now or never.

  


One thing that Jinyoung forgot as he took a step forward, however, was that he had one bad foot and a crutch beneath his one armpit. In his hurry to move, he stepped forward with his bandaged foot, completely forgetting his crutch and the fact that he hadn’t used that foot for over ten hours.

  


It happened too quickly for him to even think about ways to prevent it from happening.

  


Jinyoung winced in pain the second his sole touched the solid ground, the cuts feeling like it had reopened, with his crutch digging way too far up his armpit due to his sudden movement. Shocked, he tumbled forward, barely managing to catch himself, at the price of the plates sliding off of the tray and freefalling towards the floor. Jinyoung tried to catch the porcelainware, he really did, but _that_ just resulted into his letting go of the tray and nearly tripping over his crutch, which also fell with a dull thud. He had no clue how he managed to hold on to the doorframe that connects the kitchen to the living room and keep himself from falling headfirst on the floor and potentially hurting himself again.

  


The voices in the kitchen stopped and all three men whipped their heads in Jinyoung’s direction.

  


He felt like a deer caught in headlights.

  


For a second, the whole world seemed to stop. The three eldest were all staring at the youngest of the hyung line with pure shock painted on their faces. Jinyoung made the mistake to lock eyes with Jaebum, and promptly felt his heart stop. _Fuck,_ what was he supposed to do? The courage had gone along with the plates. He couldn’t just go up to them as if nothing had happened, could he? He hadn’t even apologized for the shit he’d pulled at the park, and his awful silent treatment towards their leader, and now he was eavesdropping and there was no way to say he wasn’t because it was obvious.

  


_What the fuck do you want, universe? My soul? Just take it at once._

  


“More broken stuff, I see,” a voice suddenly came from behind him and Jinyoung jumped in his skin.

 

Bambam suddenly appeared out of nowhere, a disapproving look on his face with pursed lips and narrowed eyes and all that. Kind of freaky, really. It was rare for Jinyoung to be feeling like the scolded child – especially if the mom in question was Bambam – but right now he was, and he could only gape as Bambam continued to speak.

  


“ _Someone_ wasn’t being sincere in their note for the Bear Spirit or the Bear Spirit doesn’t want Jinyoungie hyung out of bed.” He eyed Jinyoung accusingly, “Go back to bed, hyung, come on!” Bambam then grabbed Jinyoung’s crutches before looping an arm around the Korean’s waist and gently tugged him away, back into the direction of his room.

  


“I’m not dying!” Jinyoung protested, flustering under his friends’ silent stares. He couldn’t go yet! He had to explain to them why he was there, what he heard, he had to tell Jaebum that’s he was sorry! He also had to clean up the new mess he’d made! Jinyoung tried to pull himself away, but Bambam somehow proved to be stronger than him at that particular moment; his grip felt like iron around him.

  


Defeated, Jinyoung turned to ask for help.

  


“S- Sorry, c-could you – ”

  


But Bambam tugged him a bit more forcefully. “They’ll clean it up, hyung, you need rest, come _on_!” Finally, he just gave in. He leaned on to Bambam for support, following the other’s lead back into his room.

  


“I thought you went out?” Jinyoung asked as the young Thai man gently helped him sit down on his bed, “Why are you still here?”

  


“I was putting on my shoes when I saw you standing there like an idiot, and halfway out the door when you decided to throw the tray onto the floor.”

  


“I did not – !”

  


“Well okay, you just dropped it, but still.” Bambam paused a second, giving him a sympathetic smile, “You do realize Jaebum hyung is whipped for you, don’t you?”

  


Jinyoung flushed, taken aback by the sudden statement. “What are you even on about?”

  


“Not sure,” the Thai boy shrugged, “But what I do know is that you two are whipped, _for each other._ I’m not even sure if it’s platonic or romantic, but you both would do equally stupid shit for each other if it really came down to it.”

  


“I’d do the same for all of you.”

  


“Well, yes, but there are stuff I’d only do for Yugyeom and never for any of you hyungs,” Bambam grinned, “And there are stuff you’d only do for Markeu hyung and not for Jackson – you get what I mean.”

  


“Your point?”

  


Bambam snorted, “There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for Jaebum hyung. Think about it. You know I’m right.” He then turned around and headed for the door, “Well, I’m going, Chan’s already downstairs. See you later hyung!”

  


And with that, Jinyoung was left alone in his room once again feeling like he had just gotten hit with a sudden epiphany.


	28. Chapter 28

Jackson watched as Jaebum kind of lifelessly started to clean up the mess Jinyoung made, nudging Mark’s side with his elbow lightly. “How much do you think he heard?”

  


A shrug was the only answer Mark gave him, before the eldest walked up to Jaebum and started helping him with the clean-up. Taking that as his cue, Jackson quietly slipped away to go and check on Jinyoung. Peeking his head past the crack of the door, Jackson could spot a lump on the bed. Bracing himself, the Chinese man pushed the door open and walked in towards the curled-up form facing away from the door.

  


Peering over Jinyoung’s shoulder, he could faintly hear loud music leaking out of Jinyoung’s ear-ins, and indeed caught the other curled up around his phone, currently playing On&On. Jackson held in a smile at the cliché situation he found himself in, and poked Jinyoung’s cheek.

  


The reaction was instantaneous. Jinyoung’s eyes shot open, body going rigid in surprise at the sight of Jackson suddenly looming over him.

  
  
“Dude, what the hell,” he scolded weakly, reaching up to push Jackson away a bit, “Don’t scare me like that, damn.” He moved away to sit up as Jackson climbed into bed and tackled Jinyoung to the bed.

  


“Jackson – !”

  


The other ignored him in favor of playfully nuzzling Jinyoung’ neck, rubbing his stubble all over the younger’s skin, to which he giggled in reflex. “Sseunie, stop, what the hell – ”

  


Jackson gave in to Jinyoung’s weak retaliation and let himself be pushed away, a playful grin on his face. “Cheer up, you look like someone died.”

  


“Well someone almost did,” Jinyoung pointed out, shifting a bit to adjust himself as Jackson wrapped his arms around him and used him as his personal body pullow. “I heard what happened to Jaebum hyung, you know. That he got mugged and all that.”

  


“Well, technically he only _nearly_ got mugged – ”

  


“Same difference. He could have ended up....” he trailed off, gritting his teeth before biting his lower lip, “he could have ended up dead in the river.” It sounded so much worse when he said it aloud.

  


“Don’t even say that. Nothing happened. That’s what matters.” Jinyoung felt Jackson shiver against him “And you can’t blame yourself for that, Jinyoungie,” Jackson said quietly, tangling their fingers together, “He was safe when you left him, going to that shady part of the park was his own choice.”

  


“He wouldn’t even have gotten to that point if I just heard him out.”

  


“You were hurt.”

  


“So was he.”

  


“Don’t do this to yourself, Nyoungie.” Jackson said nudging his head with his.

  


“Then what should I do? I have no idea on how to apologize.”

  


“Why? You could literally just walk in to his room and say you’re sorry? I mean, just be honest. It worked for me and Mark.” Jinyoung gave him a pointed look and Jackson slapped his chest. “Yeah we fought but we knew where we stood and what we wanted from each other. We fought because of our principles, not because of a misunderstanding, Jinyoung.”

  


Jinyoung kept quiet, choosing to idly play with Jackson’s hair instead.

  


“You and Jaebum are incapable of fights, really. You two fight because you play Devil’s Advocate all the time, but in the end he’d usually relent to you, anyway, unless he’s sure you’re wrong. And you know when you’re wrong, even if you won’t admit it.”

 

He paused to pull Jinyoung closer to him. “You should apologize soon. Before our week-long holiday is over, preferably. You two fighting messed up the whole group dynamics and the babies are sad.” He smiled a little at the tiny joke. Well, yeah, it was a joke. It was an inside joke that Jaebum and Jinyoung were the parents and the maknae line were their kids.

  


Jinyoung sighed after snorting a little. “I know…”

  


“He’s going to forgive you.”

  


“…. I know.”

  


Jackson sat up a bit, giving Jinyoung an incredulous stare.

  


“Don’t look at me like that. I’ve known him long enough. He always forgives me, no matter what I do, no matter what he says.” Jinyoung sighed and moved on his side to wrap his arms around Jackson too. “It’s not about _asking_ for forgiveness, it’s about making it sound sincere. I need him to know how sorry I am. And I don’t know how to convey that.”

  


Silence fell over them as they both mulled over the solution.

  


“… tough. I’ve never had to apologize _like that_ to Mark, so I have no idea how to help. Usually an apology is enough, and we just kiss and cuddle and everything is alright with the world.”

  


“Disgusting.”

  


“Call it disgusting all you want, I know you want it too with hyung.”

  


“Tch.” Jinyoung frowned.

  


“You’re not going to take the cliché route? Romantic candle-lit dinner with flowers and a home-cooked meal?” Jackson teased, and Jinyoung bit at his collarbone. He yelped in pain.

  


“Now that really is disgusting. _No_. Although I know he’d love it, that sap. I’m looking for something less cheesy.”

  


“There really isn’t any.”

  


“Maybe I’ll go ask Mark later. I’m sleepy. This is comfy.”

  


“Mm.”

  


“You’re sleeping here?”

  


A nod was the only reply he got.

  


Five hours later, Jinyoung awoke, feeling way too hot. Blinking, he blearily opened his eyes to a stretch of white skin against his face and a warm chest pressed against his back. Wait, that wasn’t right. He fell asleep while cuddling with Jackson, didn’t he? Who the hell climbed in bed with them?

 

Jinyoung shifted a bit to turn in the arms wrapped loosely around him and found Mark’s half-open mouth greeting him. He stifled back a snort. Fangirls should see how ugly his hyungs looked without makeup and in the dead hours of the morning.

  


Gently, he tapped Jackson on the hip.

  


“Sseunie. Wake up. I have to go to the bathroom.”

  


“Ngh.” was the only response he got, with the older refusing to move. Jinyoung slapped Jackson’s ass.

  


“Do you _want_ me to pee on you? Move.”

  


The disgusted groan and small slap Jinyoung received was answer enough, and Jackson sleepily moved to make way. Amazingly, Jinyoung managed to climb over his broad frame without putting pressure on the sole of his injured foot. Grabbing his crutch from the floor where he’d carelessly dropped it, Jinyoung made his way over to the bathroom.

  


Peeing with only one foot proved to be very difficult, and Jinyoung had to resort to leaning on the crutch, even if it hurt his armpit area pretty bad. Good thing he wasn’t wearing jeans. It would a pain to unzip his fly like that.

  


He wanted that goddamn mess to end as soon as possible. _God_ why did he have to be such an idiot? It was clear as daylight that Jaebum didn’t have a boy-crush on him. The mixed signs hadn’t been on purpose. He just didn’t know, and he wasn’t as curious as Jinyoung, not to mention that he had other stuff to worry about, such as their band.

  


After flushing, Jinyoung finally decided to settle in front of the tv and numb his mind with some godawful show. He didn’t feel like going back to the confines of his room – half a day in bed was enough rest for him. Plus, the two he left in his bed were probably already cuddling by now, and that was something Jinyoung didn’t want to interrupt even if that was his bed.

  


He turned on the tv. It was on a news channel and he had no clue why since they seldom watched the news on tv in that household, so he zapped away from that channel and landed on a History channel where they broadcasting a documentary about something he should probably remember from school, but didn’t. He wasn’t exactly in the mood to pay attention, so he didn’t do that either.

  


He sat at first, dropping the crutches beside the couch but then he decided to pull up the pillows and lie down. Not that he was sleepy or missed lying down, it just felt more comfortable for his healing foot and he could kind of just lie on his back and stare at the ceiling with the calm low sound of the narrator in the background explaining in detail that particular episode of history. He didn’t want to pay attention to it, he just needed white noise. All he wanted was for the solution to his inability to go find Jaebum and just kind of talk to him and finally clear things up with him to magically strut into his mind.

  


It didn’t though.

  


Nothing happened.

  


He lied there, overthinking, looking at the dark ceiling of the living room. Nobody had bothered pulling up the blinds and he wasn’t about to get up and go do that. It was the middle of the afternoon and he was kind of hungry, since he’d only had breakfast and then went back to bed after that disaster in the kitchen. He didn’t feel like getting up and hadn’t even brought his phone from his room to order out.

  


Nothing in his mind made sense about how to talk to Jaebum and clear things up without coming off as aggressive or a complete ass. He wanted to apologise, but he also wanted an apology. More important than that, he wanted to heal Jaebum as much as he wanted himself to heal (mentally, spiritually, not just his foot).

  


They’d accidentally broken each other, and it was neither of their faults, really, but the apologies were needed anyway.

  


Really, though, it wasn’t their fault, and Jinyoung finally came to that conclusion as he stared blankly at the ceiling. Neither of them was at fault there – not completely at least. Each had their share of guilt in their current predicament, but it really wasn’t their fault. The world and their job was probably guiltier than they were.

  


Still, Jinyoung wanted to apologise and hopefully get that kicked puppy look out of Jaebum’s eyes. He hated it almost as much as he hated the fact that he’d been the one to put it there.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i've been dead.   
> been in the hospital, so uh. yeah. enjoy this.

Jinyoung didn’t fall asleep. The documentary ended and something else started. Something on Aliens he didn’t much care about, but he didn’t really change the channel because he wasn’t even watching TV in the first place.

  


He had no clue where everyone else was.

  


Mark and Jackson were cuddling in his bed, obviously, but he hadn’t heard noise from anyone else’s rooms. He had to assume that their younger members were still out because he would know if they were home. He knew that Bambam went out with Bangchan earlier… Maybe Youngjae had returned home to his brother (there would be a text somewhere if he had) and Yugyeom had probably gone out somewhere to eat.

  


Thinking of their little Thai Leprechaun made him remember the notes stuck on his bedroom’s wall and the shit he’d written on his. It had been a dumb thing Bambam believed and had talked them all into playing along and it was probably bullshit, really.

  


_Still._

  


Jinyoung sighed as he sat up and grabbed his crutches to get up and slowly go to his room.

  


The TV was left on and he kind of liked the noise it made as he walked through the quiet hallway. He got back in his room and sure enough Mark and Jackson were latched to each other like they had magnets connecting them. The sight kind of made him feel a bit jealous, actually. If only he hadn’t acted like a complete arse, he probably could’ve gotten what he wanted with Jaebum.

  


Slowly and quietly and as steadily as he could he grabbed a sharpie from his desk and a piece of printer paper before writing down his new wishes.

  


“ _Dear Bear Spirit. I apologise for my previous note. It wasn’t very kind or sincere. I’m sorry I broke your statue thing, it wasn’t on purpose. I’m writing now because I don’t know what else to do and even though I’m kind of sceptical, I still want to believe, and some help would be nice. Also, I kind of freed you from your prison, if you really exist. So please help me heal faster and gather my courage. Thank you.”_

  


He walked over to the wall and grabbed his phone from his nightstand before lighting the torch and scanning the wall for his handwriting. After he found it, he plucked the note out, ripped off the duct tape carefully and stuck the new note in its place before crumpling the old one and putting it in his pyjamas pocket. Being bored and anxious makes one do useless things to pass the time, so he took a moment to read the other notes.

 

He didn’t read Thai, so he ignored Bambam’s. He was sure it was a very sincere one, anyway. Mark’s was beside it and Jinyoung’s English was good enough at this point to know that it said,

  


“ _Bear Spirit from the strange doll, please forgive our confused brother and make him heal quickly. Thank you.”_

  


Generic. Not sceptical or disrespectful. Probably just to get it done and over with. Typical Mark really.

  


Youngjae’s said,

  


“ _Please understand our brother’s anger and forgive him for breaking your vessel. Make him heal quickly. He’s very dear to us.”_

  


He smiled a little. That was sweet.

  


Yugyeom’s read,

  


“ _Mighty Bear Spirit, our Jinyoungie hyung was mad and he didn’t mean to upset you by breaking your vessel! It was an accident! Also, he said your vessel was ugly but taste is subjective, okay? I mean, you didn’t make the vessel yourself so it’s not your fault that it was kind of scary! Please forgive him and make him heal well! Also, if it’s not too much, please help him solve his issues with Jaebum hyung. It’s connected to the breaking of your vessel! Please!”_

  


Jinyoung snorted quietly at that one before smiling fondly. He’d really gone the extra mile on it and it was clear that he either believed Bambam’s stuff about the spirit or he was so desperate he was willing to believe anything. He sighed a little. Him being on bad terms with Jaebum, his best friend of so many years, the other parent of Got7, too, really messed up with the band’s dynamics and mood.

  


He could barely make out what Jackson’s said because his English handwriting was kind of all over the place, looking uglier than chicken scrawls, and Jinyoung’s Chinese was flimsy at best. That was Jackson’s writing while half-asleep, too. What he made out of it was,

  


“ _Bear_ (unreadable Chinese) _be bro. Nyoungie was … him blood and cut for you_ (Chinese writing he couldn’t make out) _. He good. He nice. He_ (love in Chinese) _Jaebum and he_ (heart in Chinese) _broken because he_ (Chinese he couldn’t make out but his hunch was that it meant idiot). _Please help. His foot is_ (Chinese words). _We like foot. Help Jinyoung and foot. He good. Okay. Peace.”_

  


Jinyoung giggled. It was like reading something written in code, but he got the general idea. He asked the Bear Bro to help him and his foot because he was an idiot and hadn’t meant it. Sweet and sincere but also quirky; typical Jackson.

  


Finally, he pointed the torchlight at Jaebum’s note and sighed deeply, feeling extra anxious about it for some dumb reason.

  


Those were supposed to be generic notes just to appease the Mighty Bear Spirit and get Bambam off their asses, but he was anxious anyway. He’d seen Jaebum hesitate in writing it the previous night.

  


He braced himself to read it.

  


“ _Bear Spirit, if you truly exist and are here and mad, don’t hurt Jinyoungie again. He did nothing wrong. He’s rightfully mad at me because I don’t know how to say things right. If you truly need to unleash you anger on someone, please do it on me. He’s my best friend and the man I love the most in the world. I beg you to please not hurt him and apologise in his stead because I’m sure he’s too mad to write an apology to something he doesn’t believe in. I’m not sure if I believe either, but I don’t want him to get hurt again. Please, protect him if you do exist. Thank you.”_

  


Jinyoung leant his forehead against the wall, against that note and heaved a sigh worth a thousand days.

  


‘ _Hurt me instead.’_

  


Even writing to some potentially non-existent thing he was acting like the leader and taking the blame for him. Was it really about being the leader though? He stared at the words _‘my best friend and the man I love the most in the world’_ for more than five seconds before closing his eyes. Uncapping the sharpie again he added an extra line to his own note, not caring if the ink would seep through the paper and get the wall,

  


“ _PS.: Don’t hurt Jaebum hyung to spare me from further injuries, if you really exist. I broke your vessel and called it ugly. I’m the one you want not him.”_

  


He put the sharpie on the nightstand and turned off the torchlight of his phone. He then crutched himself slowly and quietly out of the room and back into the living room ready to sit on the couch again. He needed some time alone with some nice white noise in the background to think about his apology.

  


As he approached the couch however, he stopped in his tracks. He doesn’t think he can sit there anymore. The problem was that it was occupied now, by none other than Im Jaebum himself, who naturally noticed his presence right away and looked at him, his pale face dimly lit by the electric light of the TV and the same Alien show.

  


The look in Jaebum’s eyes, that scared, anxious look he hated, made him feel even guiltier than ever, wanting nothing more to walk over and just hug him like he always did whenever Jaebum’s stressed out of his mind. But now, the older’s source of stress was him, and Jinyoung has to make it right. _He has to._ He’d really try and make things right and hopefully it’d work. Hopefully.

  


Taking a deep breath, Jinyoung gathered his courage, willing it to stay this time, and took a step forward.

 

 

"... hyung.."


	30. Chapter 30

Jaebum had gone out for a walk to clear his head and maybe try and find a way to approach Jinyoung without messing everything up as per usual.

  


He left the house right after Jackson and Mark left the kitchen. He needed to be outside to breathe and be alone for a while even though that probably wouldn’t help at all since he had no idea what he’d do to make things rights with Jinyoung. He had no idea how much of his side of the story he’d heard the previous night, probably not much, but he was sure he’d heard about the mugging and the bit about him getting recognised.

  


Was he mad at him for getting in trouble?

  


Was he mad that he’d almost gotten their reputation dragged through the mud by being caught with a deadly weapon?

  


He wanted to believe that he wasn’t mad at him for the almost mugging incident because he knew, even with the dreadful feeling that he would never forgive him and hated him, he still knew that he wouldn’t be mad at that. If anything, Jaebum was quite sure he’d worried about it even though a miracle had happened and nothing bad had come of all that mess.

  


That’s when he decided to contact the boy from the convenience store to check on him, see if he’d gotten a call from JYP. Yeah, he wanted to know, but the reason for the call was kind of mostly to get his head of his mess with Jinyoung.

  


“Hello?” He heard the puzzled voice from the other end of the line when the call got picked up. Ah, yes, he hadn’t given the boy his number.

  


“Doyoung-ah, hello, this is Im Jaebum speaking,” He greeted forcing a smile into his voice, “I’m calling to check on you. See if JYP contacted you.”

  


The response was immediate, and he heard the enthusiastic gasp.

  


“Hyung!” The boy called, “Yes! Yes, they called me back and, and I have an interview tomorrow! They said, they _really_ said you’d recommended me as a friend who was a genius with computers and… oh wow, I’m nervous as fuck.” He could hear the nerves and smiled a little. The empathy helped a bunch. Maybe that really had been the right call.

  


“Don’t worry. The hyungs and noonas there are really kind.” Jaebum assured him, “You don’t have to wear a very formal suit. Just throw on some nice black pants and a white shirt along with nice shoes.”

  


“Okay!” The boy exclaimed, the gratitude almost pouring over the phone “Uh, what kind of questions do you think they will they ask?”

  


“Ah…” Jaebum sighed a bit, “It’s a bit different for aspiring idols and aspiring staff, but I think that, uh,” he mused for a bit, “you should just give them your CV and a detailed list of your grades and experience with computers...”

  


He paused as the boy said ‘Yes, okay’ and scribbled something down, definitely what he’d just said, “Can you mess with editing programs like, uh, video editing, photoshop?”

  


The boy laughed nervously. “Yes, I can. I’m good with them, too. But, but I have no certificates to prove that…”

  


“No worries. If they ask, you confidently suggest that you show them you can do it. Assertiveness is key.” He felt like a whole life coach and a good one too, but also like a big buffoon. It was easier to know what to do than actually doing it.

  


“Ah, also,” Jaebum chuckled, “I meant it when I said they’re really nice hyungs and noonas, you can like, I don’t know, pull up some of our songs and dance to them.”

  


“I can’t dance well, hyung…” Doyoung snorted awkwardly and Jaebum chuckled.

  


“That’s not an issue, really. Leave it for the end of the interview. Say you’re a big fan of your friend’s band, uh…I’m your friend and we met in like, I don’t know it’d be easier if we were from the same hometown.”

  


“We are!” Doyoung exclaimed, “I’m also from Goyang!”

  


“I didn’t notice the accent, I’m sorry.” Jaebum smiled, for real this time, pleasantly surprised. The universe was conspiring in that kid’s favour. “Well, then, we met somewhere along the way because, uh, you wanted to become a dancer but didn’t have the skill and we’ve been friends since then. It’ll stick better if you actually try to pull one of our choreos.”

  


“I know the one to ‘You Are’ more or less… kind of sloppy but… do you really think that’ll help?” Doyoung asked nervously and Jaebum nodded even though he couldn’t see him.

  


“Definitely. Like I said, at the end when you’ve already left a good impression on them and they ask about me, because they definitely will, you can pull that. It’ll help. I promise.” Jaebum said and the boy on the other end of the line breathed heavily.

  


“Alright, I’ll follow your advice, hyung. Thank you for your call and, and once again, thank you for giving me this opportunity.”

  


“I had to do something for you, like you did for me.” Jaebum smiled and he heard the boy chuckle. “This is my personal number, I know I, uh, I don’t have to say this but…”

  


“Nobody will get it, don’t worry.” The boy said with another nervous chuckle, “I’ll save it as something like, uh, Chae… Iljoon just in case someone gets their hands on my phone.”

  


“Chae Iljoon,” Jaebum chortled lightly, “Thank you, that’s a solid name and doesn’t sound like mine. Uh, call me after the interview, they should give you an answer right away. It’s not a casting but it works like that. They’ll tell you right away.”

  


“Okay, hyung. Again, thank you!”

  


“Don’t mention it. Goodbye and good luck.” Jaebum said with a smile before ending the call and sighing.

  


Now, it was time for him to go back to the dorms and face himself and Jinyoung.

  


Back at the dorms and after toeing off his trainers and leaving them by the door of their poorly lit flat, Jaebum didn’t really know what to do with himself. He didn’t turn on the lights, either.

  


The TV was on, he noticed, and there was something about aliens on the history channel. He kind of just walked over to the empty couch and sat down, blankly staring at the moving images and the hushed voice of the narrator.

  


He wondered where everyone else was.

  


Youngjae was with his brother (he’d texted their groupchat to tell them), Bambam went out shopping with Bangchan, and Yugyeom is out at the dog shelter (they also left messages in the gc). Mark and Jackson were probably together, cuddling or something, since Jackson was ill, and everyone needed sleep like air. It was a win/win thing. What about Jinyoung though..

  


_Jinyoung._

  


His heart skipped a beat just as his name and face and general existence popped in his mind and chest. There was no way of telling what he was doing but Jaebum expected him to be in his room.

  


That, of course until he felt his presence behind him and jolted on the couch before looking back at him, in a kind of panicked surprise.

  


_No, no! He wasn’t ready to talk!_

  


Jinyoung’s biting his lip now, seemingly contemplative, and Jaebum _just knows_ that he’s made up his mind. Fuck.

  


_Not ready! No! No!_

  


A hesitant smile bloomed on the younger’s face, and he made his way over to the couch.

  


_Oh shit, shit, shit!_

  


Jaebum could only stare as Jinyoung got even closer..

  


_Too soon!_

  


And closer...

  


_Too soon!_

  


Until he stood right behind the couch.

  


_Fuck_.

  


“Hi, hyung,” Jinyoung said quietly, moving slowly towards the front of thecouch and finally sitting beside him. Jaebum felt like he’d become a statue and his back rose as he balled his fists over his thighs.

  


“Hi… Jinyoung ah…” Jaebum greeted back in a small voice, averting his eyes and trying his best not to look too panicked but knowing damn well that he wasn’t succeeding at that.

  


_At all._

  


They really had a lot to talk about, but they were silent for a long time. Long enough for the Alien documentary to end and something else about the Mayans begin. Jaebum wanted to speak up but he was scared.

  


No, scratch that, he was _absolutely terrified_. He feared that even asking about how his foot felt could be “The Wrong Thing” to say so he gritted his teeth and felt like a complete and absolute useless—

  


“I’ll start the talking,” Jinyoung said quietly, taking charge as always. The younger sighed and looking at him, “I’ll talk first and then… then you can respond. If I, for some reason, don’t like your reply, I’ll tell you that and you can try again. Okay.”

  


Jinyoung sounded calm, Jaebum dared a glance at him to assess his expression and check if it matched the calm tone. It did, sort of. Jinyoung didn’t look angry and that was a start.

  


“Alright…” Jaebum replied quietly and saw Jinyoung lean back on the couch and close his eyes, taking a deep breath.

  


“I heard the bit about the mugging, last night. I wanted to, uh, apologise for eavesdropping. Can’t help being curious,” he shrugged, “But Bambam dragged me away before I could do that.”

  


“I’m sorry…” Jaebum muttered and Jinyoung huffed.

  


“Wrong thing, hyung. Try again.”

  


_Why was it wrong!?_ Jaebum gulped and looked at him.

  


“Uh, I was reckless because, because I wasn’t thinking and, and you’d ran away before I could, before I could clear up what I meant with the messy things I said...”

  


Jinyoung nodded and sighed.

  


“That’s better,” He said and Jaebum sighed a little too, “I also… I caught something before that, about you saying I ran before you could finish... but I was too far to hear everything, so I didn’t.”

  


“Yes.”

  


“And something like ‘not good enough for him’,” Jinyoung looked at Jaebum who noticed the slight anger in the tone and _cowardly_ , _shamefully_ , averted his eyes before unclenching his fists and covering his face with his hands.

  


Jinyoung held back the urge to reach out and yank Jaebum’s hand away from his face.

  


“Don’t look away, please. Look at me, hyung.”

  


Jaebum reluctantly complied, feeling glad for the darkness in the room that probably hid the redness in his eyes. “I, I really meant that…” Jaebum said hopelessly.

  


“Wrong again,” Jinyoung huffed with a slight glare. Jaebum felt swear form on the back of his neck.

  


“You… you deserve better than me.”

  


“Even more wrong, idiot hyung.”

  


“I don’t want to – to disregard what you feel for me and – and what I feel isn’t just a fickle crush!” Jaebum said, and some of the hurt and anger he felt at having been misunderstood and invalidated (and also accidentally invalidating Jinyoung’s feelings) made his courage return, somewhat.

  


“I’ve been in love with you for years, Jiron – ” He was speaking confidently but he stopped abruptly as he was about to use the endearing nickname, “ – Jinyoung ah.”

  


Jinyoung looked at him and opened his mouth before closing it and biting his lower lip.

  


“Hyung… You can call me Jirongie, always.” He said quietly, “I wasn’t thinking last night… Jaebongi hyung.”

  


Jaebum looked at him and licked his lower lip before pressing his lips together and breathing heavily through his nose and attempting a smile.

  


“It hurt.” He confessed quietly.

  


“I know, I wanted it to. I’m sorry,” Jinyoung confessed back with a sigh, “and that’s – ” Jinyoung’s voice faltered, “ – that’s the right thing, you said all the right things, I mean.”

  


Jinyoung swallowed hard before looking away, licking his trembling lower lip. Silence fell between them – this time a comfy type of silence, luckily – and the younger looked up to see Jaebum fidgeting with his sleeves, still seemingly a bit nervous. Although they have just made up, he still looked a bit hesitant, refusing to meet Jinyoung’s eyes.

  


An idea came up in his head.

  


“Uh, hyung. Do you want to go out and, uh, and like get a new phone and wallet?” he suggested, and finally Jaebum dared to look at him.

  


“Mark hyung said you got an ugly yellow Eastpak knock-off. I can kind of tolerate the shitty outdated phone but not an Eastpak knock-off wallet.”

  


“It’s not that bad,” Jaebum managed a little smile and Jinyoung smiled back, “But you shouldn’t force your foot and even if we take a car, you’d still have to walk…”

  


Jinyoung huffed and groaned. “I’m not an invalid, hyung! The cuts didn’t even need stitches!”

  


“Yes, but the doctor said you shouldn’t strain that foot at least for a couple days…” Jaebum reasoned quietly and Jinyoung frowned and pouted a little. Jaebum didn’t want that. He wanted happy, smiling and laughing Jinyoung back as soon as possible.

  


He wanted him to smile _for_ him, _because_ of him, _at_ him.

  


“I don’t want to be locked up for the whole week, hyung,” He complained again, “I just wanted to go out with you and talk somewhere else.”

  


_Déjà vu._

  


But Jaebum complied and he knew just what to do.

  


“I’ll give you a piggyback ride so that you don’t have to walk. Would you be okay with that?”

  


The smile on Jinyoung’s face after he snorted in disbelief showed him that he’d said the right thing. The smile. He loved it. _Him._

  


“I’m not a child, hyung,” Jinyoung pouted, but the mischievous smile that came afterwards betrayed his words. “ _But_ you _can_ do that on our way back, if we manage to say everything we need to say to each other.”

  


Jaebum nodded solemnly.

  


“Deal.”

  


Jinyoung snorted and shook his head.

  


“Kind of a wrong thing to say but I’ll let that slide because you _really_ need a crash course speaking when feelings are involved. ‘ _Deal_.’” He repeated before he snorted, “Wanna shake hands too, to make the contract more official, _Business Partner_?” Jinyoung sassed reaching his hand and Jaebum snorted awkwardly knowing, for one that he hadn’t upset him, but that he’d still said something dumb.

  


He still grabbed the hand and shook it. Jinyoung looked a bit surprised at he sudden touch of his hand and the firm grip he had.

  


“You really grabbed my hand.”

  


“I just wanted an excuse,” Jaebum confessed, “to make sure you wouldn’t try to rip my arm off if I touched you.”

  


“That is wrong as f-“ Jinyoung was about to complain but then Jaebum got up and the handshake became a wrist grab. He pulled him, making him stand.

  


“Yah!” Jinyoung yelped when his chest collided with Jaebum’s and his face hit his shoulder, looking at the man who still had his hand on his forearm and was looking at him for a reaction.

  


Jaebum felt his heart race but managed to smile a little, emboldened by the fact that Jinyoung had let him touch his hand and his arm. Jinyoung’s heart was also racing, to the point he’s pretty sure that the leader could hear it. The close proximity didn’t help at all, either, and he had to fix his stare into Jaebum’s eyes to make sure his eyes didn’t wander down to his lips –

  


_Get yourself together, Park Jinyoung._

  


“Th – that wasn’t wrong, I, I guess,” he sighed as Jaebum let go of him and grabbed the crutches for him from the floor and passed them over, “Still could have warned me that you were gonna do that.”

  


“I’m sorry,” It was a casual apology and he saw that this time Jinyoung wasn’t mad at it, “I’ll warn you next time.”

  


“You’re not sorry at all, you prick,” Jinyoung grumbled, face scrunched into something that could somehow both pass as sulky and annoyed and Jaebum wanted to reach over and pinch his cheeks. Jinyoung shot him a small smile right afterwards, though, and Jaebum knows they’re good.

  


As he watched Jinyoung struggle to position the crutch and make his way to his room to presumably get his stuff and possibly a change of clothes – he’d never be caught dead in public wearing boxer shorts and a ragged t-shirt – Jaebum took a moment to think about what they had talked about.

  


Well, Jaebum knew damn well that Jinyoung was right about that crash course he needed. He had no clue what he was doing, and he didn’t know how to behave from then on. To be very real, he was scared of that impromptu _date_ as well (and nobody could really blame him, considering the way the previous one had gone, right?) but he’s going to give it a chance.

  


It might be the only chance he will ever get.


	31. Chapter 31

Jinyoung was chatty that time around.

  


For one, he wanted to talk to Jaebum. Just talk, about nothing and everything, like they always did. He wanted that sense of normalcy back. And, well, he also needed to get him relaxed and talking to him normally before he could sit down with him somewhere, preferably at a place with a bunch people, so that neither of them could run away.

  


(Well, Jinyoung kind of couldn’t run but he wasn’t taking any risks that time.)

  


He managed to get Jaebum talking normally after a while of mostly one-sided chatting in the car as they drove around aimlessly. It was always a good move to get Jaebum to start talking about music and dancing.

  


“So, you’ve been working on lyrics?”

  


Jaebum was silent and they focused on the Fake Love on the radio for a moment before switching the station and landing on trot. That was a lot less charged and mood boosting.

  


“Not really lyrics…” Jaebum said quietly over the low sound of the music as he drove, focused entirely on the driving, obviously. Jinyoung knew he took driving seriously especially when he was driving people. “I mean… there are no melodies, so…” he shrugged a little, “they’re just poems, basically… with a bit of repetition and what you could call a chorus, I guess.”

  


Jinyoung stopped talking for a while, looking at the road too. Poems, huh? No melodies. What kind, he wanted to ask, but he didn’t. He’d ask later when they’d talked about more important matters.

  


“I want junk food, hyung,” Jinyoung said instead with a sly smile, “it’s our week off, and I wanna get a greasy Big Mac.”

  


“Alright,” Jaebum chuckled, “Where should we go?”

  


“Hm, maybe the shopping centre. There’s everything we need there. We still need to get you a new phone and wallet.”

  


Jaebum scoffed and Jinyoung saw him grip the wheel with one hand before grabbing his wallet from his pocket and handing it over to Jinyoung, again, without warning. It was fine that time, though. Jinyoung held the horribly bright object in his hands. It really was an Eastpak knock-off that read Easygrab instead with the same font. Those wallets were ugly even when it was the real brand. That shit felt cheap and the threads poking out here and there only proved that it was indeed terrible quality. He pulled it open, cringing at the sound of the Velcro and looked inside.

  


Jaebum had been right. It wasn’t that bad on the inside. He could fit everything nicely in there and it had a nice bills pocket. _But still_. That was the ugliest wallet he’d seen an idol use in _years_. Decades, even.

  


“Why is it _so yellow_?” He complained, doing Jaebum the favour of putting it back in his pocket so that he didn’t have to get his hands off the wheel. Jaebum chuckled a little and glanced at him. The car had automatic gear shifting so he really didn’t have to get his hands off the wheel.

  


“The other colour was fluorescent green.”

  


“Okay, yellow is great then,” Jinyoung snorted as they made their way into the underground parking place of the shopping centre, “I bet these things have been lying around that store for 5 years.”

  


“Longer.” Jaebum corrected as he drove backwards into a parking spot, “Doyoung-ah told me they’d been sitting there for ages and… is it good like this? Can you get out fine?” He asked changing the subject and Jinyoung looked out the window to see the space he had to move and nodded.

  


“Yeah, it’s good.” He said and opened the door as Jaebum did the same and pulled the crutches from the backseat before circling the car quickly and handing them to Jinyoung, “Cheers, hyung.” He smiled a little and saw Jaebum smile back, softly, “Let’s go up. Taking the lift.”

  


“Yes, obviously.” Jaebum snorted putting on a dust mask. Jinyoung pulled the one he had on his neck over his face.

  


“Anyways, he said,” Jaebum picked up the subject he’d left hanging as they entered the lift “that I was the first person he’d seen getting one of these since he’d started working there one year ago.”

  


Jinyoung laughed and Jaebum laughed too.

  


“Well, I was going to suggest immediate binning of that shit, but now I don’t want that.” Jinyoung said, “You gotta keep it.”

  


Jaebum chuckled and nodded.

  


“I’ll do that. I’ll use it store business cards.” He said and Jinyoung laughed.

  


“Want mine?” Jinyoung sassed and Jaebum chuckled under the mask.

  


“Do you have one?”

  


“No, but I’ll get one just for you, hyung.” Jinyoung said and Jaebum saw his eyes smiling and smiled too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its so short lmoa

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where I'm going with this and I have no idea if I'll continue it.  
> If I lose the will to write, I might just drop this whole series altogether lmao  
> So please keep me fueled by commenting your thoughts and suggestions.
> 
> Thank you


End file.
